Chapter 32
Margaretha
The ladies in the queen’s chamber laughed in conversation, but I kept to myself, using the light of the windows to reread Belinda’s letter.
All at home were healthy, she assured me.
Though the family’s growing debts continued to be a constant source of distress, she would not dwell on that.
She and Father longed to visit and would in a heartbeat if Father were not banned from Brussels after his part in the rebellion.
She was not yet in a family way but hoped to be soon, and the letter went on much the same.
The very idea of Belinda carrying Father’s children was every bit as unsettling as their marriage announcement had been.
Service to the queen had prevented me from attending the wedding, and Belinda seemed to feel the loss, for her letters to me since then were full of cheerful reports and declarations of how desperately she missed me.
Time and her persistent attempts to repair the breach had done their work, however, for I found myself missing her too and eagerly anticipating each of her letters, even if I was not quite prepared for news of a new sibling.
I truly wished her happy and my father even happier.
He’d been so long without Mother that he deserved to find joy again.
“Do I interrupt your solitude?” Felipe’s whisper at my ear made me jump. When had he come in?
“What are you doing here?” I whispered in return. “I hadn’t expected to see you until dinner.”
“I couldn’t wait that long.” He glanced behind him, putting his back to the ladies’ stares and curious looks as he quickly slipped a paper into my hand. “Please come,” he whispered, then disappeared out the door.
Felipe’s missive seemed a hot coal in my pocket as I walked the castle corridors toward the Aula Magna just a few hours later.
While the other ladies chattered about court gossip, I mentally recited Felipe’s instructions to meet him in the north corridor before dinner.
Slipping away from the ladies-of-honor would be easy enough, but secretly meeting the prince was gambling with my reputation more than I’d ever dared.
Still, it was broad daylight, and we were meeting in an oft-traversed hall.
Ignoring the prince’s entreaty after boldly seeking his favor seemed the greater risk.
With the entrance to the north hall nearing, I let myself fall to the back of the train, hugging the wall as I walked.
I kept my eyes forward, waiting, watching to be sure no one saw, before darting north into the empty corridor.
Holding my breath until the soft scuffle of shoes faded, I tiptoed through the hall, wincing at every rustle of my gown and clip of my shoe.
“Margaretha, here.” Felipe’s whisper echoed, and I put a stern finger to my mouth to silence him.
He answered with a grin, reaching out his hand to pull me into a small room and closing the door behind him. There were no windows, but enough light came from under the door that I could still see his rakish smile.
“I think you like the danger of sneaking about,” I whispered.
“I would say I do, only I fear you’d find some new accusation to level at me.”
I chuckled. “Perhaps. Though it appears you’ve forgiven me my abuse of last night.”
“Wholeheartedly.” He took both my hands, and his smile turned serious. “Though you may still doubt me, I hope to convince you I am earnest in my attachment to you.”
“Attachment?” I reared my head. “Felipe, you hardly know me.”
He laced his fingers through mine. “I have known many women, but I’ve never before felt this kind of longing.
You’re in every thought, in every dream, churning my mind into a fevered haze until I can’t think clearly.
” He ducked his eyes, his voice dropping to a whisper.
“My feelings for you are deep and real, and I intend to prove myself sincere.”
“And how do you plan to do that?”
I expected his seriousness to fade into levity, for the flirt to win out over the pleading lover, but he proved me wrong. Lifting his head, his eyes surprised me with their openness when he answered, “Any way you ask.”
My thoughts leapt to Samuel in an instant, but it was too soon.
Too soon to know if the prince’s affections were real, and too soon to test them with such a heavy request. Keeping my tone light, I said, “You can start by letting me out of this closet. Though you so enjoy these intrigues, I fear it puts a strain on my reputation.”
“Certainly. Though I had hoped to finish what I started yesterday.” He wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me against him. “Just another way to prove myself earnest.”
“I’m not sure it doesn’t prove the opposit—”
His lips were on mine before I could finish, urgently drinking me in as if my kiss were the only thing keeping him tethered to mortality.
I hadn’t kissed a man since Friedrich, but Felipe had the power to free my brother.
He had almost declared he loved me. Then why did I struggle to return his affection?
Lowering his lips to my jaw and kissing a soft trail to my chin, he whispered, “I’ve lost sleep imagining this moment.”
Bumps raised over my arms at the warmth of his breath on my skin, but my mind was back in Wildungen, surrounded by rain and Friedrich’s scent. There was a stirring of guilt in my belly.
Friedrich didn’t want you, I reminded myself. You have every right to kiss other men.
Felipe released me with a frustrated sigh. “You are stiff. You think me too forward.”
“No, it’s only . . . I’m uncertain of myself. I’ve never kissed a man like this before.”
He cupped my face in his hands, slowly bringing his mouth toward mine. “Do not think,” he whispered above my lips. “Only let yourself feel.”
When our lips met again, his kiss was slow and gentle. His thumb traced feather-light circles over my cheekbones, occasionally slipping between our mouths to brush my lip.
Felipe was right. I was thinking too much, and it only made me miserable. Shutting out my distracting thoughts, I focused solely on the feel of Felipe’s warmth against me, on the excitement shooting through my veins.
And I found myself responding to his kiss.
My hands resting against his chest now slid up over his shoulders and wound their way into his dark, curly hair.
He stepped closer, his nearness propelling me back until my shoulders touched the wall, but I only tightened my grip, my lips capturing his.
His hands cradled my neck, his heated touch searing my flushed skin.
When he stopped for breath, I pulled him back to me, and he smiled, setting his hands on the wall behind me to steady us in our kiss.
His passion was intoxicating, deep and raw.
Very different from Friedrich’s heartfelt, tender kiss.
Thinking of Friedrich brought the thrill of the prince’s affections to a sudden end. I broke the kiss, and he moaned in protest.
“We should be going,” I prodded. No doubt dinner had commenced, and we would be missed.
He answered by moving his lips down to my throat.
“Really, Felipe. Everyone will have noticed our absence.”
“We can be late,” he said between each kiss of my neck.
“It isn’t right to be alone like this.”
His breath puffed against my skin with his chuckle. “Very well, I shall behave. But only for your sake.” Releasing me, he opened the door. “I’ll return first. You follow in a few moments.”
He gave me a final kiss and an encouraging smile before leaving me in the dark.
I waited, counting the minutes until I felt enough time had passed, then I trotted toward the Aula Magna.
With the bustle of servants carrying food, it would be easy to slip into my seat without drawing much attention.
I thought I’d managed it, even casting Felipe a triumphant little smile, but beside him the queen’s shrewd eyes were upon me, and her dark gaze filled me with sudden dread.