Ten #2
She hadn’t even been able to look at me. Until she’d taken it away, until I ruined everything, I hadn’t realized just how much I got out of seeing her smile and the way her face lit up no matter what she was talking about.
Worst of all, it appeared that today was on the same track. No matter that it was only lunchtime, I knew Natalia wouldn’t be making an appearance today, either.
Part of me had been foolish enough to think that if I’d returned those papers to her office immediately, including a note expressing just how sorry I was, she might find it in her heart to forgive me. Or, at the very least, maybe she’d give me the chance to tell her as much in person.
But that hadn’t happened.
And I’d realized that I was going to have to be the one to do this, to put every ounce of effort I could into making things right.
So, I got up, left my office, and went to hers. Only, Natalia wasn’t there.
Recognizing that she could’ve gone out for lunch—whether here at the retreat or somewhere in town—I had no choice but to wait.
That’s precisely what I did in her office. I settled myself in one of the chairs and waited. And waited. And waited.
The next hour ticked by so slowly. It dragged on and on until I got the distinct sensation that something wasn’t right.
Natalia might have been justifiably pissed at me, but she wasn’t the kind of woman who’d shirk her job responsibilities. Not here. Not anywhere.
So, I got up and went in search of her. When I realized she wasn’t in our office building, I made my way over to the main lodge. The woman was nowhere to be found.
Finally, I stopped another member of the staff and asked, “Have you seen Natalia today?”
The employee, whose name I didn’t know, gave me a curious look. “No. The last I heard, she was out sick today. But since you’re asking about her, I guess it’s possible I got that wrong.”
Sick?
I didn’t think that was the case at all.
I offered up as pleasant of a smile as I could muster and thanked the woman.
Without giving it a second thought, I strode out of the main lodge and began my trek across the property to her place. If Natalia was truly sick, then surely, she’d need someone to check in on her and make sure she had everything she needed. And if she wasn’t sick… Well, that’d be on me.
Though it took me less than ten minutes to get to her place, the walk there felt impossibly long. Like every step in that direction put more distance between us than there had been before.
Finally, I climbed the stairs and knocked on the door. Waiting for her to answer was another test of patience. It felt like an eternity had passed. When she still didn’t answer, I knocked again and called her name. “Natalia?”
At least another minute passed before I called her name just a little bit louder. “Natalia.”
“What do you want?”
The relief that swept through me at the sound of her voice was tremendous. “I want to talk to you.”
“I’m off today. You’ll have to find someone else for whatever you need.”
I couldn’t miss the strain in her voice. And when I considered how long it took her to come to the door, I realized I might have gotten it wrong. Maybe she really was sick.
“This isn’t about work,” I shared. “I’m here because I screwed up, and I want to apologize to you.”
A delay. Then, “Thanks for the apology.”
“Do you think you could open the door so I could say it to your face?”
“I’m sick, Reid.”
I shook my head. This sudden sickness was awfully convenient. “I don’t believe you.”
Another pause. “So, you come to apologize before you accuse me of lying?”
“That’s not…” My voice trailed off, and I inhaled deeply to get myself under control. “Natalia, please open the door.”
“I’m off today, Reid. I’m sick. And I have sick time that I almost never use. I’m entitled to take a day off to recuperate.”
“I don’t care about you using the sick time. I’m upset that you’re using it at all because of what I did to you the other day. I would really appreciate it if you’d allow me to tell you how sorry I am to your face.”
Long moments of silence passed. Longer than any of the previous bouts of hesitation. I took that to mean she was reconsidering and would open the door. But just as I convinced myself of that foolish notion, she said, “This isn’t about you or what you did.”
I refused to believe that. “If that’s the case, you wouldn’t have a problem opening the door.”
“You need to leave.”
Leaning my shoulder against the frame of the door as I crossed my arms over my chest, my eyes dropped to the ground.
I studied the floor for several silent moments as I attempted to ignore the tightness in my chest. I didn’t consider myself to be the kind of guy who’d ever harass a woman, but I couldn’t just pretend nothing bad had happened. I couldn’t just walk away.
And that surprised me.
It shouldn’t have mattered if I had the chance to see Natalia and apologize to her face. She’d indicated she’d accepted my apology. If anything, I should’ve been relieved and left.
But something kept me where I was, squeezing my biceps to release some of the desperate energy that was overwhelming me at not being able to see her.
“I’m not going. I don’t care if I have to wait out here all day and into the night. I’m not going anywhere until you open this door so I can apologize to you. I’m going to wait out here until you allow me to fix what I did and make it right.”
Natalia didn’t respond for a long time, and when she did, I could hear the agony in her tone as she pleaded with me. “Reid, I’m begging you to leave me alone. I’ll see you on Monday. You can apologize then.”
I hadn’t anticipated hearing anything in Natalia’s tone that would match the unwelcome feeling that had settled in my gut. It seemed she wanted me out of here as desperately as I needed to see her, to be sure she could look into my eyes and see the regret as I offered a genuine apology.
Uncrossing my arms, I reached one up and slapped my palm against the door frame as I dropped my head forward.
With my forehead resting on the door, I closed my eyes and implored her to reconsider.
“Look, Natalia, I can understand why you hate me and would want to punish me for what I did by making me wait until Monday to do the right thing, but I can’t accept that.
I’ve already delayed doing what I should have done for far too long, and I refuse to let another day go by without fixing this.
If I have to sleep out here tonight, that’s what I’m going to do. ”
That had to do it.
That had to be enough to convince her to give me just a few minutes to clear the air.
Or so I thought.
When the seconds ticked by without any action from her, I had no choice but to follow through and show her how serious I was. I turned and walked over to the edge of the porch, where I lowered myself down onto it.
Whether she believed me or not, I didn’t care. I would wait here until she was ready to talk to me. And if she waited until Monday morning to open that door, I could only hope it wouldn’t get too cold over the next few nights.
I didn’t keep track of the time, but a good ten minutes must’ve passed before I finally heard the lock on the door. Remaining seated, I twisted my body to look back at the door, and when she pulled it open, my stomach sank at what I saw.
“This isn’t about you, Reid. Now, will you leave me alone?”
She was crazy if she thought I was leaving.
For a brief moment, I wondered if perhaps I was still asleep and living through a nightmare. Because I was staring at the bruised and battered face and body of the woman who I’d berated mere days ago.
It was anyone’s guess as to how I didn’t get sick right there.