Chapter 19
Stone pounded in and out of me hard as my body shook violently underneath him. We had been going for less than fifteen minutes, and I’d cum three times. This last one was threatening to take me out.
“That’s right, baby. Cum for me.”
“I’m cumminggg!” I sang as Stone kept his speed and pressure against my spot with steady thrusts. He commanded my body in ways I didn’t know were possible. When he’d sucked the last orgasm out of me, he pulled me onto his chest.
I was more than happy to be back in Stone’s arms. Those few days without him felt like torture, like someone was trying to rip half of my body from the other.
The time I’d spent away from Stone was enough to make me realize a few hard truths about myself.
It let me know that my need to know everything about him was rooted in my own need to hide things about myself.
There were so many things about myself that I was ashamed of. My entire childhood was a series of unfortunate events that happened one after the other. The more I tried to reinvent myself, the more I became obsessed with changing others.
I had an alcoholic mother who was depressed for most of my life. All I knew her for was being crazy or sick or both at the same time. Most days, my mom would curse me out for no reason, and on the days that she wasn’t, she was in bed, barely able to lift her head to talk to me.
From the time I was five years old, I fed myself and made sure I was bathed. I got through all twelve years of grade school alone, and I still managed to graduate with honors. A lot of my childhood was a blur, but I would never forget how unloved I felt.
I got with Devonte my freshman year of high school out of necessity.
At that age, I needed to be seen, and he was the only person who made me feel that way.
I would go by his house when my own house had become too much for me to stand.
His parents made sure I had everything I needed when I wasn’t able to get it on my own.
I’d be lying if I didn’t acknowledge how much Devonte and his family helped me out as a teenager, but that didn’t make the abuse I suffered anything less than abuse.
He took advantage of me not having anyone other than him, and made sure I knew it every time he went upside my head.
I would get my head pushed into lockers for even glancing at another boy at school.
I got embarrassed on the courtyard every time he felt like it, and despite it all, I still loved him. I tried everything to fix Devonte, just as I had done with my mother, but nothing worked. The more I loved him, the less he gave a damn about me.
The obsession I had with fixing others came from my desperate need to be wanted.
Every time Devonte hit me, I loved him harder, and every time my mother ignored me, I worked harder to gain her attention.
My mother was incapable of giving me the love or even the attention I needed, and I didn’t realize that until I had spent a week in the hospital, and no one came to visit.
Now that I was lying in Stone’s arms, I realized I wasn’t asking for too much. I was just asking the wrong people.