Chapter 27
SADIE
Excited energy surrounds me as I gather around in the locker room with my teammates, all wearing our Ravens uniform and ready to kick some butt.
In my case, I’m hoping I’ll be allowed to touch the ball today.
As hard as I trained, it wasn’t enough to convince Coach Lauda to bench Melody or Joanne in my favor.
I didn’t want to replace Joanne because she’s become one of my closest friends.
Melody is another story. It isn’t that I don’t like her, but she is my competition, which means she must be destroyed.
Yeah, it doesn’t make sense. She’s on my team, and this is her last year. My brain can be scary sometimes.
If my relentless focus didn’t earn me a starting position, at least it helped me ignore the hole in my chest. I knew I was getting close to Danny, but I didn’t realize how deep those feelings went until I cut him out of my life.
Now there’s an ache in my chest that won’t go away, and every time I see my dad’s name flash on my phone when he calls, it reminds me of Danny.
Before coming here, I checked his game score.
I couldn’t bring myself to actually watch the game on TV.
That’d be too painful. They won by a close margin.
I almost broke down and texted Danny to congratulate him but wised up at the last second and didn’t.
He’d probably think my text was to rub it in that they almost lost.
Coach Lauda is finishing up giving her pregame speech.
I missed most of it thinking about Danny.
A few more sentences and we’re off to the field.
I’m one of the last ones in the line out of the locker room.
The crowd gathered is modest, and that’s saying something.
Half the stands are empty. I’m sure the football stadium was bursting at the seams. It’s so unfair how some sports get all the attention and others don’t, especially the ones played by women.
The National Women’s Soccer team winning the last World Cup worked wonders to bring more attention to us, but it still pales in comparison to male-dominated sports.
Gah, why am I so bitter? This is nothing new to me.
As I head for the bench, I hear louder shouts coming from nearby. I look up and see a small group of people, all wearing Ravens team shirts with Vanessa’s number. Their faces are painted with the Brazilian flag.
“Your family?” I ask her.
She looks up. “Yeah. They’re big supporters. Never miss any of my games, much to Heather’s chagrin.”
“Why would she care that your family comes to your games?”
“Sometimes it clashes with football, so you know, they can’t see her shake her pom-poms.”
Grinning, I say, “Well, cheerleading is a hard sport.”
“I’m not saying it isn’t. I know Heather works her butt off, but it’s wasted. I mean, her entire job is to look pretty and cheer for a bunch of guys who don’t need cheering. They have their fans.”
“Would you feel differently if the cheerleaders were assigned to support the chess tournament? Or the debate team?”
“Those aren’t sports.”
“Fine. You win. Table tennis, then. Or better yet, cricket.”
Vanessa wrinkles her nose. “They probably could use some cheerleaders. That sport is so boring.”
“Not as boring as baseball.”
She covers my mouth with her hand. “Shhh, woman. That’s America’s favorite pastime. We can think these things, but don’t say them out loud.”
The assistant coach signals for her to get ready, so she steps back, releasing me.
Not much later, the game begins. I park my ass on the bench with two of the Three Musketeers, Charlotte and Phoebe.
Like I predicted, Steff is where she belongs, guarding the goal.
I’ve never sat on the bench before, and to say it’s nerve-racking is an understatement.
I want to shout, pace, do anything to get rid of this jittery energy.
It’s quite maddening. Forty-five minutes never took so long to pass, and by the time we roll into the halftime break, we’re losing one to zero.
Morale is low inside the locker room, and there’s no indication from Couch Lauda that she plans on using me in the second half. If we were winning, that’d be another story.
When we head back out, my mood is down to the sewers. I wanted to play today more than anything because I need the reminder that sacrificing Danny was worth it. If we lose and I don’t get the chance to show my skills, it’ll be a real pisser.
Dejected, I sit on the bench next to Felicia Hopkins, the goalie Steff replaced.
“Why are you so sour, Clarkson? It’s not like you got shoved aside for new blood.” She laughs.
“I just want to play. I can’t believe you’re not bitter.”
“I don’t have anything to prove or any aspiration of playing pro. My goal was to get a free ride at college, which the Ravens gave me. I’m a happy camper.”
“I guess it’s good to have low ambitions.”
“Uh, thanks?” She chuckles. “Although I don’t think that was a compliment.”
“I’m sorry. I’m such a bitch when I’m not happy.”
“Aren’t we all?”
My legs are bouncing up and down as I watch the game.
When the opposing team almost scores again, I jump and yell, frustrated.
Couch Lauda gives me a glower in warning and then starts to shout instructions to Vanessa.
A minute later, someone cuts off Melody as she’s getting near the goal, hitting her leg instead of the ball. She falls hard, crying out.
“Fuck!” I run to the sideline and watch her clutch her leg while her face is scrunched in pain.
The referee pauses the game, and then our medical staff rushes to the field to check on her. A moment later, she needs to be helped off the field because she can’t walk without assistance.
Couch Lauda turns to me. “Sadie, warm up.”
“Yes, Coach.”
I start running along the sideline while the game resumes. We’re playing at a disadvantage with one less member, but I can’t jump in without a proper warm-up or I’ll end up pulling a muscle. It doesn’t help with my nerves though.
Finally, after what feels like forever, I join my teammates on the field.
There’s no time for a quick convo with Vanessa because the other team has the ball and they’re advancing toward our goal.
Joanne has taken Melody’s place as the first striker, so I fall back a little.
Our defense manages to steal the ball back, and then it’s counterattack time.
Vanessa dribbles past one, two players, and I know she plans to kick the ball to Joanne, but she’ll get swarmed by the other team’s defense in a few seconds while I’m wide open with more room to work a play.
I run ahead of Vanessa, careful to stay behind at least one defensive player to avoid an offside.
“Vanessa! Over here!” I shout.
She seems to ignore me, maintaining her intention to pass the ball to Joanne, when, at the last second, she kicks the ball with her heel in my direction.
I don’t hesitate when I have control of the ball and kick it even though I’m outside the goal line.
The ball makes a curve, going over the defense and right into the corner of the goal. Their goalkeeper had no chance.
“Yes!” I jump so high, I could have been mistaken for a gymnast.
Vanessa and Joanne run to hug me, and then we wave at the small crowd. Vanessa’s family goes crazy, making so much noise that it compensates for the half-empty bleachers and the lack of a band.
My heart is beating loud as fuck, and it feels like it’s going to burst out of my chest. This high, this feeling is pure gold, and for a moment, it makes all the sacrifices worthwhile.
The game isn’t over yet, and I give it my all through the rest of it. In my mind, it’s win or nothing. We score again, this time thanks to my assist, Vanessa sending a bazooka to the goal that not even Steff, our Wall, could have stopped.
Minutes after the game is over, I’m still riding on the euphoria of the win as I laugh and get hydrated near the bench. I’m in mid-swallow when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn and find Dad standing there, smiling proudly at me.
“Congratulations, honey. You were amazing out there.”
“Thanks. I didn’t know you were coming.”
“It won’t be possible every time, but I’m glad my schedule didn’t conflict with yours. I’ll be here whenever I can.”
Shit. I don’t know what to say. Dad is the reason I got interested in sports to begin with. I didn’t start to play football until I moved to England, and my reason for starting in the first place was to fill the void he left in my life.
“I’m okay with that.”
He beams. For once, it seems I said the right thing, and it’s like a huge weight is lifted off my chest.