Chapter 5
LOGAN
Tick. Tick. Tick.
I feel like a damn fool sitting in this chair.
I don’t really have a good reason to be here. I just felt like I had to.
The semester only started a few weeks ago, but I already feel like I’m falling behind, and I still don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing anymore.
The door opens behind me, and I tense as my academic advisor makes her way to her desk. She’s wearing a pleated skirt, a black turtleneck, and thick-rimmed glasses.
She sits down in front of me and smiles apologetically. “Sorry for the wait. Had to load up on some coffee.”
I notice the Honeycomb Cafe paper cup she places on her desk.
I shake my head. “All good.”
She clicks her mouse and squints at her computer screen. “Alright, I’m just going to pull up your file…”
I inhale sharply and tap my hands against my thighs.
I want to blurt out everything about how lost I’ve been feeling.
But she’s not my therapist. She’s just my academic advisor.
“Okay, so you’re majoring in sociology… you’re a full-time student… but you’ve mostly been taking general education classes…”
She mutters to herself as she scrolls through my file.
I play with my chain necklace, rubbing it along my lips as I watch her computer screen through her tortoiseshell glasses.
Eventually, she stops and fully focuses her attention on me.
She clasps her fingers together and rests them on the desk. “So, Logan. What brings you in here today?”
I clear my throat. “Um. I was just… wanting to see how I’m doing and… maybe some possibilities I have if I want to… maybe try something else.”
She nods. “Okay. I saw that you sustained an injury from a car accident six months ago and that you’re not playing football anymore. Is that right?”
I nod, a sear of pain ripping through my chest at the memory. “Yeah. It is.”
She pouts slightly. “I’m sorry to hear about that.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
She opens one hand expectantly. “What were you thinking of majoring in? You’re in sociology, but you’ve mostly been taking electives instead of your core classes. I’d usually advise against that, but since you are—sorry, were an athlete…”
“I just don’t want to be in sociology anymore. I just—I know it’s not what I want to be doing.”
She nods. “What would you like to be doing?”
I shrug. “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.”
She nods again. “Well, what are you interested in? What made you choose sociology in the first place?”
“I like… people. That’s all I know. I had to choose something, so I chose sociology.”
The counselor nods. “Okay. Well, sociology is good for that. Have you considered business, social work, or psychology? Those lines of work involve a lot of interpersonal communication.”
I twist my mouth. “Maybe.”
“Are you still interested in sports? Or exercise?”
I nod.
“You could always try kinesiology or sports education. You’d need some science prerequisites for kinesiology, but it’s still an option.”
I don’t particularly like the sound of any of them.
I think about how interested I am in the stars and space, but I’m definitely not good enough at science to go down that route.
Honestly, I just want her to pick a major for me and tell me to do it.
I just want something new.
I think about Alex from the cafe and wonder what major he’s in. He probably has a completely different life from mine.
His life might not be simple, but at least it’s probably exciting.
“When can I choose another major?”
She blinks. “It depends, but you can’t switch in the middle of the semester. You still have to finish the classes you’re registered for now, but you can switch majors in the winter semester.”
I grit my teeth. I need change now.
“How much longer would I need to be here if I changed majors? Would I become, like, a… super senior?”
She chuckles. “I wouldn’t call you that, but it would probably take at least another year. As I said, the only classes you’d have left are your core major classes, so you’re probably looking at no more than two years, assuming you pass everything.”
I nod. “Can I think about it?”
She snorts. “Of course you can, Logan. I’m here to help and guide you, not dictate your life.”
I grin bitterly, wishing she actually would just choose one for me. “Thanks.”
My advisor takes a sip of her coffee before telling me she has another appointment coming in soon. Just a reminder that I’m another number in her system.
I wonder how many coffees she drinks a day when she sees this many people.
I leave her office with Alex and the cafe on my mind.
The part of my day spent going into the cafe feels new. I think I need to keep going there if I want to figure myself out better, because sticking around my teammates forever isn’t going to help me.
Maybe coffee can push me through everything else that I can’t.