Chapter 16
ALEX
“Okay. You’re going to tell me about Logan, and I’m not letting you leave until you do.”
I stop wiping the counter.
“There’s nothing to tell.”
Vicki grabs my arms and pulls me toward her.
“Hey!” I yelp in protest, earning a few glances from customers.
“You went out to dinner with him!”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “He took me to a takeout Mexican place as a thank-you for helping him with his journalism homework.”
Vicki squints at me. “Really.”
I nod. “Really.”
She purses her lips. “And you just happen to be ignoring the fact that he’s drop-dead gorgeous?”
I look away from her and continue wiping the counter as if she didn’t say anything.
“He’s nice, okay? He’s… interesting to talk to.”
“Yeah, and probably even more interesting to have on top of you.”
I scoff. “He’s not a piece of meat, Vicki.”
She snorts. “That response is exactly how I know something’s up. I may not know you that well, but I know there’s more to the story.”
I keep hoping a customer comes in so I can distract myself from her, but no one does, so instead I walk away and head into the kitchen.
“Cover for us,” Vicki says, tossing her cap to Simon, who’s standing in the corner reading a book.
Simon catches the hat with a frown. “What—”
I make my way into the kitchen, looking for something to clean, but it’s spotless.
“You like him, don’t you?” Vicki asks, standing directly in front of the door.
I try to sidestep her and leave the kitchen. “Can you—”
She crosses her arms and shakes her head. “Nope. Not until you admit it.”
“Admit what?”
“That you’re so into him!”
I groan. “It wouldn’t even matter if I were. He’s straight, okay? And he’s—going through a lot…”
She raises an eyebrow. “What makes you think he’s straight?”
I chuckle. “Uh, have you looked at him? He was on the football team, and besides, he has an ex-girlfriend he’s trying to move on from.”
“So? I thought I was straight until freshman year, when I had a very homoerotic friendship with my best friend. She was straight, and I switched teams completely. It can happen when you least expect it.”
While it makes sense that Vicki likes women, I really don’t need to hear about sudden sexuality awakenings. The majority of the population is straight. I’m not going to rely on chance with Logan.
She prods my side with an index finger like she’s trying to force the truth out of me.
“The quarterback, Callum What’s-His-Face, has a boyfriend, doesn’t he? Why can’t Lo-Lo play for the same team?”
“Hey! That’s my nickname for him.”
She gives me a wicked grin that threatens even more meddling.
I cut her off before she can say what I know she’s about to say. “It doesn’t matter. He’s just a friend, okay? Are you happy?”
She purses her lips. “No. Why can’t you just admit that you like him?”
I close my eyes and try not to let the weight on my chest become too much.
“Because there’s no point if I do. It wouldn’t change anything.”
I want to scream at myself for even admitting what I’ve been trying so hard to ignore.
It’s too painful to acknowledge that maybe there’s something budding for Logan, because I know it probably won’t be reciprocated.
And even if it was, I don’t have time to focus on anything other than school, The Goldberg, and my family.
“I can clearly see he’s interested in you, too, to some degree. Otherwise, he wouldn’t keep coming in and asking you out.”
The weight in my chest seems to lessen at Vicki’s words, and my heart feels like it wants to soar, but I can’t deal with more heartbreak.
“Look—I don’t need a distraction, okay? I have enough on my plate, and when I like someone, it’s… cataclysmic, okay? I can’t stop thinking about anything else, and I don’t have time for that.”
Vicki scoffs. “Who doesn’t have time for love?”
I pat my chest. “Me. I’ve got school, work, my family, and the paper to focus on. I want to be chief editor next year too, so I don’t need some guy to waltz into my life and fuck everything up again!”
I blow out a resigned breath.
“Again?” she asks.
I nod. “My ex blew up my life, and I really would not like to repeat past events. So, can we please just forget about whatever we were talking about and do our jobs?”
She uncrosses her arms and gives me a look of sympathy.
“Whatever. Just know that I’m going to be here, wanting every detail when you do decide to share.”
I close my eyes and snort. “Sure. Whatever makes you happy, Vic.”
We leave the kitchen and are greeted by a decent line of people.
I welcome the distraction.
And I certainly don’t keep watching the door, waiting for Logan to make his way in.
“How are you feeling?”
“I’ll be fine.”
I feel like I’m more nervous than my mom is about her appointment. It’s not even one of much consequence, but it still feels like a weight sitting on my shoulders.
She rubs my forearm. “It’s just a check-up, honey.”
“I know.”
It’s hard for me to stay calm with how new all of this is. One moment, I had parents who cared for my sister and me, and then, within a year, everything changed.
I wouldn’t trade my relationship with my family for the world, though.
The clock seems to move much more slowly, and each tick sounds much louder in the waiting room.
It’s like time has decided to take the scenic route, and I, like an idiot, didn’t bring anything to entertain myself with other than studying.
Luckily, there are some decade-old magazines that I flip through, trying to get my whirring brain to settle.
“How’s school going?” she asks.
I shrug. “It’s going okay. It’s a bit harder to focus with work, but I’m still doing as well as I normally do.”
“And how’s The Goldberg?”
I tilt my head from side to side. “Challenging. It’s like Fiona can sense me getting distracted and is being harder on me than normal.”
She sighs. “I’ve never liked that girl.”
I snort. “I have to like her if I want a shot at being editor next year.”
She runs a hand through my hair. “Well, she’s too hard on you. That should only be my job.”
I snort. “Fine. Can you whip me into shape every time I get close to a deadline, forget about it, and end up procrastinating?”
She chuckles. “If I have time.”
I take her hand. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too, Alexander.”
I wrinkle my nose at her using my full name, but I let her. She had a reason for giving me that name, and I have to respect it.
My phone buzzes.
I pull it out and see a text from an unknown number.
Unknown
Hey, it’s Logan. Vicki gave me your number :)
My hand clenches around the phone.
Of course, she would give him my number. She’s such a meddler.
I sigh, wondering what to reply. It’s odd that we made plans to go to one of the football games together but never exchanged numbers.
Then again, I was in such a rush to leave and finish my paper that it probably slipped both of our minds.
Alex
Hey! Does that mean you went to Honeycomb without me? :(
I grin at my phone as I watch the text bubble appear.
“What’s got you smiling?” she asks.
I tilt the screen away from her. “Nothing.”
She raises a suspicious eyebrow. “Nothing?”
I nod. “Mhm.”
She squints at me. “Is it Scott?”
“What? No. He’s ancient history.”
She purses her lips. “He'd better be. I never liked him anyway.”
My phone buzzes again.
Logan
I did, but I was looking for you.
I asked where you were, and Vicki just gave me your number to text you
She had an evil grin. Know anything about that?
I scoff. Vicki is truly reveling in whatever she thinks is going on between us.
Alex
All I know in the few weeks I’ve been working at Honeycomb is that Vicki’s weird.
The sooner you accept that, the better.
“You’re talking to a guy, aren’t you?”
I shake my head, smiling. “I am not.”
“I’m your mother. I know you better than you know yourself.”
I scoff. “Don’t you have a magazine to read?”
My phone vibrates again.
Logan
She looked way too happy to make my coffee for me, so I have to agree
Alex
You got coffee without me?
I don’t think I can live with this betrayal
Logan
I promise I’ll make it up to you.
Btw, the next home game is on Friday. If you still wanted to go?
No worries if not!
I hold my phone to my chest and inhale sharply.
What does saying yes actually mean? What does it look like to Logan?
Do I care that much about football? No.
Do I care that much about Logan? Yes.
Technically, football is entertaining, and most of the student body seems to think so. That probably means I should give it a try for myself.
I still can’t think of why Logan would want me to go with him. Surely there’s someone else he’d rather take—or at least watch the game with.
So why did he ask me?
“Aka... uh—Akari Takahashi?” someone calls from the hallway.
My mom and I both lift our heads.
She seems to tense slightly at the person nearly messing up her name, but she keeps her head high as I offer my arm so she can stand without any trouble.
She gives me a nervous smile, and I send one final text to Logan.
Alex
It’s on. You and me, game day. We’ll wear maroon and gold.
I put my phone away and try to ignore how weak my limbs feel and how my heart races at the thought of seeing Logan on Friday.
I have to be strong for my mom.
The air feels lighter as I walk out of the hospital arm in arm with my mom.
The doctor said she’ll be starting treatments to help alleviate the pain and slow the decline of her mobility. It might take a couple of weeks to see a difference, but I’m just glad there’s something that can be done for her.
“Finally, we saw a doctor who didn’t mess up pronouncing your name,” I comment as we get into the car.
My mom snorts. “I try not to think about it too much. They’re just here to help, Alexander.”
I glance over at her because she called me by my full name again. “Why did you decide to call me Alexander?”
She slips her purse off her shoulder and seems to deflate. “I wanted you to have an easier childhood than I did.”
“Meaning what?”
She meets my eyes. “Kids gave me a hard time about my name when I first moved here from Japan. They would intentionally mispronounce it. People still do, as you can see.”
As I put the car in drive, she reaches for my hand.
“I thought giving you a name that fit in here would make things easier for you. I think your dad did too, even though he’d never admit it. I didn’t want you to feel caught between two places all the time. I think by the time I had Naomi, I realized I could do things differently...”
I take my mom’s hand and kiss it. As much as I don’t like being called by my full name, it was given out of love and protection, in the only way my mom knew how.
“I’m so proud to call you my son, Alex. Thank you for being here with me, my love.”
I squeeze her hand.
Between stopping at a traffic light and making a left turn, I can tell she’s happy for the first time in a while. This doctor’s appointment gave us hope.
I haven’t seen her this happy since before my dad left. Before she got sick.
A prickle of anger surges through me as I think about how quickly my dad disappeared, like a cowboy riding out in the middle of the night. So much for wanting an easier life for me.
“I’m always going to be here. I’m not going to be like Dad.”
My hands tighten around the steering wheel as I wait for her to scold me. I know I shouldn’t say anything, but I need her to know she can still rely on a man. That I’ll be a Fields man who won’t run.
“Alex, don’t—”
I cut her off because I know she’s just going to tell me not to talk about him.
“I don’t care that you don’t want me to talk about him, but I can’t sit in my resentment forever. He—”
I glance over my shoulder to check my blind spot before changing lanes.
“He left us at the worst possible moment, and I hate him for it.”
Mom pulls her hand from mine, and I immediately want to take back what I said. But I have to stand firm in it.
“Don’t say that,” she whispers.
“What I hate most is what he did to you. He’s not here to take you to doctor’s appointments, pay medical bills, buy groceries, or cover Nay’s swimming lessons. That’s all up to me and whatever pitiful amount of money the government wants to give us now.”
She looks back at me, and I notice tears in her eyes. This isn’t how I imagined the drive home after getting good news would go, but here we are.
“So yeah, I know these treatments are going to cost a lot of money, but I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure you get them. And I’m not going to stop until we’re past this.”
I wait for her to go quiet and pretend I didn’t say anything. That’s usually how things go whenever I bring him up.
Instead, she grabs my arm.
“Okay,” she whispers.
It’s progress. It’s something different from the silence we’ve been cultivating since he disappeared, and having two wins in one day is something worth celebrating.
I try to hold on to that hope for the rest of the drive home because, without it, the next few weeks are going to be even harder.