Chapter 17 #4
“I, uh... I used to think I had it hard with my disability. Just losing so much that I had, and being so angry at the world sometimes, but... I still have so much time to figure things out. I’m young and healthy.
I still have a chance. But your mom...” He pauses.
“She doesn’t have that same kind of possibility ahead of her, so I’m really sorry you’re all having to go through this. I hope she ends up okay.”
Logan doesn’t look at me. He just stares at the linoleum table.
I’m grateful for his empathy. It’s distressing to think that my mom’s life really is that unpredictable, but there’s not much I can do to change it.
Warmth prickles through me, making me want to reach out and grab Logan’s hand.
“I guess that’s why I’m so concerned about Naomi. She’s still young, and MS is partially genetic, so I want to keep her as healthy as I can and keep her mom around so she doesn’t end up so... damaged.”
I take another fry and munch on it.
“But yeah, I’m over the initial shock of my dad leaving. Naomi’s still bitter since she’s so much younger and doesn’t have a father figure anymore. I guess that’s going to be me now, but I don’t mind it.”
Logan raises an eyebrow. “Not even a little bit?”
“Nope.”
Logan sighs and stares into my eyes, his emerald gaze ablaze with something I’m unable to name.
“You truly amaze me, Alex Fields.”
My cheeks heat, and my fingers tingle as I hold Logan’s gaze.
“I—I do?” I ask, my voice trembling as I find myself unable to look away.
He smiles at me with something close to reverence. “Absolutely. You just... refuse to give up. You know how to roll with the punches. I wish I could be more like that.”
Logan had been so unsure about coming to the football game tonight. I look at the man who asked me out the other night and compare him to the one sitting in front of me now, and I see so much more strength than I did before.
“Come on, Logan. You are like that. You keep working out and getting involved with your teammates despite your injury, and you’re trying new things and improving your grades. That sounds like refusing to give up to me.”
Logan blinks, surprise painting his expression.
He takes a bite of a fry and smiles. “I, uh... I guess I didn’t see it that way.”
With a sudden bravery and reckless abandon I didn’t have before, I reach forward and pat his arm.
“You’re truly amazing, too, Logan Abbott.”
Logan stares at me, his expression confused but calm, like he’s realizing something he didn’t know before.
The basket of fries quickly becomes empty, mostly because of the handfuls Logan keeps shoveling into his mouth.
“Perhaps it’s time to retire for the evening,” I say in a Victorian-era accent.
Logan snorts. “Why did you say it like that?”
“Uh, because it’s fun?”
Logan motions toward the door. “Then shall I escort you to the door so we may leave the premises?”
I bow to him playfully. “You may.”
He chuckles, and we both head for the door, which he holds open for me.
I let out a long breath, watching the fog billow from my mouth into the cool air.
The lamppost above us flickers, and a few stray moths dance around it as the crisp autumn air settles around me.
“So, this was really fun. I’m, uh—I’m glad you came with... me,” Logan says, stuffing his hands into his sweater pockets.
“Yeah, thanks for making my first football game of the season actually enjoyable. And for patiently explaining all of the plays to me. I’m sure Mason would’ve gotten annoyed eventually if I kept asking him.”
Logan snorts. “I’ll explain football to you anytime. It was—it is my passion, after all, so...”
He trails off, sniffing as he nudges a rock with his shoe.
“So I guess I’ll see you soon, then? At the cafe, or, uh... wherever...” Logan says, his voice low.
My hands tremble as I look up at him. He seems much more unsure now than he did inside, like for some reason, he thinks I won’t want to hang out with him anymore.
“Or we could study together or something. I have a lot coming up, so... I could use someone to help me focus.”
Logan blinks, the corners of his mouth turning upward. “Yeah, for sure. Uh—I’ll let you know, okay?”
I grin. “Yeah. I’ll probably see you at the cafe soon, right?”
“Definitely.”
I want to reach out and hug him, but it feels like it’s too soon.
Instead, Logan takes a step forward and wraps me in a loose hug, patting my back like I’m one of his bros.
“It was, uh, nice seeing you tonight.”
I freeze momentarily, but then ease into the hug and pat his back awkwardly.
“Yeah. It was a welcome distraction from, uh... everything.”
He lets go of me and puts a hand on my shoulder.
“Sorry if you don’t like hugs. I’m a hugger, and it’s usually my way of saying goodbye—”
I shake my head. “Don’t apologize. I love hugs. And you’re a good hugger, so...”
He smiles and looks down at the ground.
“Okay. Good.”
I shove my hands into the pockets of my jacket.
“Alright, well, I should get home. I have to get up early tomorrow for the paper. Have a good night, Logan.”
Logan smiles at me. “You too, Alex.”
With one last fleeting look, we both turn and go our separate ways.
As I walk home, it feels like a dam has broken, because there’s no way I can deny what I’m feeling anymore.
The way my hands shake and my cheeks burn with warmth tells me what I already know: I like Logan as more than a friend.
And it’s not having feelings that scares me. It’s knowing there’s no turning back from them.