Chapter 25
LOGAN
Istretch my arms high in the air, fully exhausted from sitting in the same position for the past few hours.
I puff out a breath and realize that the coffee helped me tune everything out completely and finish the study guides I needed to get done.
I’m glad that I asked Alex to work out and study with me. Dave gave me a push I didn’t know I needed to get out of my head and move toward what's good for me.
I knock on the desk to get Alex’s attention.
He rips his gaze off his computer and takes out his earphones.
“Do you need to load up on some food?” I ask.
Alex checks his watch. “Isn’t the cafeteria closed by now?”
“Doesn’t hurt to check. If it is, then I can snag some things from a vending machine.”
“Big muscly athlete is hungry. Riveting,” Alex says, putting away his headphones and laptop.
I frown. “What are you doing?”
He frowns back at me. “I’m coming with you?”
“No, I’m gonna get food for both of us.”
Alex chuckles and pats my arm. “This table will be here when we come back, big guy.”
I look down at the place where Alex touched me, then focus back on him as he walks past me.
I grab my things and follow him out of the library like he has a lasso around me.
We burst through the library doors, and the cool October air hits my skin.
I inhale the brisk air and try to let it clear my mind.
“You get enough done?” Alex asks.
“Coffee is a wonder drug. I get why everyone loves it now.”
Alex snorts. “I’m glad that you found something to keep you on track.”
I think Alex has a greater effect on my productivity than coffee does, but I don’t tell him that.
“The drinks you make are always better, though.”
Alex frowns at me. “Really?”
“For sure. They need to put you on drink duty more often.”
Alex bites his lip. “Uh... thanks.”
I smile at him, and we continue our way down the stairs and out to the quad. The cafeteria is only one building over, so we don’t have to walk very far.
I’ve gotten used to a comfortable silence with Alex. Silence was precarious when I was with Mikayla. It meant she was either angry with me or waiting for me to say something.
“Have you been thinking about whether you want to continue with sociology?”
I puff out a breath. “I don’t think so. I’m just trying to get through this semester and hoping it helps me figure out what I want to do.”
Alex knocks his shoulder into mine. “College is for figuring that stuff out.”
I nod. “Yeah, I guess I’m lucky since Montgomery’s paying for the rest of my degree, but I just feel this... need to figure it out already.”
Alex looks at me, and I want to ask him everything. How did he become so accomplished? How does he manage to balance everything while making it look so easy?
“It’ll come, Logan. You’ve gone years counting on something, and now it’s gone. You’re starting over. We all have to start somewhere.”
I avert my eyes from Alex, not wanting to show him how much his words mean to me. I suck in a quick breath, then quietly let out a long puff of air so I can center myself.
“You always have the best things to say,” I murmur.
“I am a journalism student, after all.”
I nod. “I just... all I know is that I want to help people...”
Alex looks at me expectantly.
I crack my knuckles. “I think after my... accident, the worst thing wasn’t losing my opportunity.
It was having to deal with the disappointment and pity everyone gave me.
I felt so... embarrassed. Like people were only being nice to me because they felt bad, and all anyone talked about was my injury.
I felt like I lost part of myself in that accident, and I don’t want anyone else to ever have to feel that way.
I want to help people deal with that somehow. ”
My chest burns with the memories of my teammates’ concerned eyes, Mikayla’s disappointed expressions, and my parents’ pity.
I look into Alex’s eyes ever so briefly, and I’m met with an emotion I can’t describe. It’s not one I’m familiar with, but I know he seems to understand.
“I’m sorry, Logan. That must have been...”
Alex trails off, and I feel his burning gaze on me. I don’t want to face him fully. I’m not sure if he feels pity like everyone else, but considering how unapologetically himself he is, I feel like he can read me better than anyone else can.
We pass by the cafeteria and realize it’s closed.
I sigh, hating that I’m not going to be able to veg out on a huge meal.
“Vending machines it is,” I grumble.
We walk over to the machines.
“The vending machines can wait. Come here,” Alex says, tugging on my sleeve.
I frown and follow him. He pulls me toward a photo booth right next to the vending machines.
“What are you—”
“Get in there. You’re a different Logan now. Let this be the start of something new. Let this booth take a snapshot of who you are now.”
I open my mouth to reject him, but the way he’s looking at me with such conviction makes me want to shut myself up.
I glance at the booth and around the area. There are a few people nearby. Will they think it’s weird that I’m taking photos in a booth by myself? Aren’t these usually for couples?
But what if I want to bring Alex inside with me?
“Alex, I can’t—”
Alex puts his hands on my shoulders. “You can. Just go in by yourself. This is you starting over.”
I look down at him. His eyebrows are furrowed, almost like he’s angry.
But I can tell he’s just being forceful. He’s trying to motivate me, and I can’t help but listen to him.
“Alex, I don’t think I can,” I mumble.
It seems so simple. It’s just a picture, but I keep feeling like something is holding me back.
Alex keeps his hands on my shoulders, and I suddenly freeze. I look at him, and everything else fades out of my periphery.
“I know this all sounds stupid, but you have to see yourself the way I see you. You’re one of the most caring people I’ve ever met. Your perseverance inspires me.”
Alex swallows, and I watch his Adam’s apple bob.
“You’re not ordinary, Logan Abbott.”
I meet Alex’s dark eyes, and I get that same pull within me that I felt in his car. That urge to pull him closer to me and never let him go.
But this isn’t about Alex right now. I have to focus on myself.
“Okay,” I say softly.
I draw the curtain of the photo booth and squeeze myself into the small space.
“I’m gonna pay for it,” Alex says from outside.
“Alex, no—”
“Too late,” he says as I hear the beep of a card machine outside.
I run a hand through my hair.
There’s a big green button in front of me, and I sigh before pressing it.
A voice booms from the booth, telling me to start posing.
I frown and try to sit perfectly in the middle of the screen as my reflection appears.
A blinding flash cuts through the air, and I probably blink through it.
“Shit,” I whisper as I focus on the screen.
I give the camera a tight-lipped smile as it flashes again.
“Show your teeth!” Alex whispers, poking his head in.
I chuckle and actually smile wide, in the way Alex always makes me.
The camera flashes again.
I have to think of one final pose, and I have no idea. Alex said this was a way to show who I am now.
I’m so much different than the person I was before I met Alex.
Alex brings out parts of me that have been hidden away for years. I can’t keep denying that part of myself that’s screaming to let itself out.
I reach through the curtain. “Come here,” I say.
“What?”
I find Alex’s sleeve, and I yank him inside the photo booth. He collapses onto me, his skin brushing against mine and his elbow digging into my stomach as I position him on my lap.
“What the hell are you doing—”
“Smile!”
The camera flashes, and I have no idea what face Alex gave to the camera, but I know I was smiling.
He looks at me, his eyes wide and his breath shuddering.
He licks his lips. “That was insane.”
I look down at his mouth as he bites his bottom lip. “It was.”
I rest my hand on his leg, and I feel a slight jolt from him, almost like he wants to get away from me.
I squeeze his leg a little harder because I’m not letting him go.
Alex looks at my mouth, and I lick my lips, hoping there’s nothing on them.
He blinks rapidly as I focus on his eyes.
His black eyes are wide and boring into mine like he’s waiting to say something. His chin angles toward me, his nose almost touching mine like he wants to do something.
I close my eyes and press my lips harshly against Alex’s. I take his cheeks in my hands and press harder on his mouth.
I inhale sharply as I deepen the kiss, wanting to embrace him in my arms and keep him there forever. I want to claim him with my mouth.
This is what I’ve wanted for so long.
Alex’s hands find my chest, and heat builds within me. But before it can burst like a firework, he pushes me away and our lips disconnect.
He stares at me, his chest heaving and eyes wide. I realize how truly beautiful he is and how much time I’ve wasted denying it.
“Babe, let’s take some pictures,” Mikayla’s voice rings from outside the photo booth.
The warmth coursing through me turns to ice as I realize Joel and Mikayla are standing right outside the photo booth.
Alex’s eyes widen as he looks at me.
He bites his lip and seems to make a decision before I can.
“It’s broken,” Alex calls out without showing his face.
“Really?” Joel’s voice rings from outside.
“Yeah. I keep trying, but nothing’s working,” Alex says, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Ugh,” Mikayla says in the whiny voice I’ve become all too familiar with.
“Wait... your pictures printed...” Joel says.
My shoulders tense, and I admit defeat as I realize Joel likely has our photos in his hands.
Alex gives me an apologetic look before stepping out of the booth, with me in tow.
My eyes meet Joel’s right away, and he smirks at me.
“Oh. So that’s what’s happening.”
I rip the photo strip from his hand. My hands tremble as I look down at the pictures.
The first one is of me blinking, but I actually think it’s pretty funny. In the third picture, Alex was definitely right that I should smile more with my teeth. I look more like myself.
In the last photo, Alex is smiling at the camera, and I’m smiling at him.
“Leave me alone,” I mumble to Joel, taking a step in the opposite direction.
“You got two little boyfriends now? One isn’t enough?” Joel goads.
I clench my fists and almost turn around to punch him, but I know better.
“Joel, just leave them—” Mikayla starts.
“Shh,” Joel says.
Alex places a hand on my shoulder, and I immediately jerk away, forcing his hand off me.
Anxiety builds in my chest as I look between Alex and Joel.
“Can you just get away from me?”
Alex’s face falls, and guilt immediately surges through me.
“Alex, I’m sorry—”
“I’ll see you later, Logan,” he mumbles, picking up his school bag and trudging down the quiet hallway.
I clench my fists and turn back to Joel and Mikayla.
“Can’t you both just stay the fuck out of my life?”
For once, Joel has nothing to say. He just keeps his arm around Mikayla and fixes me with a steely glare.
Mikayla reaches up and removes Joel’s arm from her shoulders.
I don’t care to figure out why they both hover over me like vultures. I’m just tired of it.
I pick up my bag and storm off in the opposite direction, back to my dorm.
I just kissed a guy. Not only did I kiss a guy, but I kissed Alex. And then I pretty much shoved him away.
I can’t let that be how my first kiss with a guy ends. I have to go after him.