Chapter 31 #2
I try to ignore the wince that crosses his face when he bends his knee and focus instead on his broad back as he slowly walks to the door and opens it.
I want to run my hands through his hair as I watch him pay the delivery guy.
There’s so much want inside me when it comes to Logan, sitting dormant, and I don’t know what to do with it.
Scott just did whatever he wanted with me, and I let him because I wanted to keep him. It felt like my own desires were almost always ignored.
Logan makes me feel like I have agency.
I want to know every part of him and explore him like a mystery waiting to be solved.
I blink and shake my head, as if that will clear the thoughts from it.
Logan grabs a few napkins, climbs back onto the bed, and opens the pizza box between us.
“They gave us some sauces. That’s weird.”
I perk up. “I actually really like mayo with my pizza.”
Logan frowns. “And here you are judging me for anchovies on my Hawaiian pizza.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever.”
Logan picks up one of the containers and squints at it. “Well, they gave us either ranch or mayo. I’ll let you find out.”
He sets it on the bedside table next to me.
The pizza turns out to be a lot better than I expected, and even better with mayo to dip it in.
After we finish eating, Logan laces his slightly oily fingers back through mine, but I don’t have it in me to care.
I’m buzzing with electricity beside him, our shoulders brushing together, the thrill of the movie making me want to hold onto him and never let go.
I glance up at Logan. His face is tight with apprehension, and when another jump scare erupts from the screen, he winces. His body jerks slightly to the side, knocking his leg against mine and tightening his grip on my hand.
He looks at me, embarrassment coloring his face.
With a bravery I haven’t had since I got here, I untangle our fingers and cup his cheek in my hand.
Logan completely ignores the movie now, his eyes focused solely on me.
I run my thumb along his cheekbone, warmth spreading through my hand.
Before I can do anything else, Logan leans forward and presses his lips to mine.
The sounds of the movie fade away, and all I can think about is his warm mouth on mine and the slight brush of his breath against my cheeks.
His lips are moist on mine, and he tastes faintly of spearmint toothpaste.
Logan deepens the kiss, his tongue sliding across my lips, and I lose myself in it.
I open my mouth to let him in, and our tongues graze against each other—warm and velvet—and I keep wanting more.
His fingers head through my hair, and I hold onto the crease of his neck, trying to pull him in closer.
He moves his body to face me directly and then crawls on top of me, pressing the weight of his body onto mine.
The hard muscle of his body is electrifying on mine, and I want him even closer.
He pulls back from me. “Is this okay?”
I nod.
He runs a hand through his wavy hair. “Sorry, I’ve just—you know, never been with a guy, and… I want to make sure I’m doing it right.”
I grab his shirt and pull him forward. “You’re doing great,” I say before pulling him back into another kiss.
My heart hammers against my ribs as Logan cups my cheeks with both of his hands and plunges his tongue into my mouth like he wants to overtake my mouth completely with his.
I grab a fistful of his sweater, trying to have something to hold onto as I let myself fall away completely into the kiss, his mouth unyielding on mine.
I wonder if Logan likes this. He’s probably used to this with other girls, and ones that I’m sure are much more experienced than I am.
Logan puts his hand on his shirt. “Should I—uh, take this off?”
“Yes. If—uh that’s what you want,” I say.
Logan tugs on the bottom of his shirt with both hands and lifts his shirt over his head.
I marvel at the years of work he’s put in at the gym. I’ve caught glimpses before when he wore tank tops, but this is the first time I’ve really seen him.
His abs are well-defined, and a faint dusting of dark hair crosses his chest.
I notice a few freckles and moles scattered across his shoulders and stomach, and I trace them lightly with my fingers.
Logan tugs softly on my shirt. “Can I?” he asks.
I nod eagerly and pull my shirt off.
I put my hands over my mouth, letting my arms cover more of my torso. I’m clearly not as muscular as Logan, but I’m working on it.
Logan takes my hands in his and pulls them away from my mouth, staring down at my torso.
I look away from him because I feel so embarrassed comparing my body to his.
“You’re so beautiful,” Logan mumbles before planting a kiss.
I groan. “You are, too,” I say breathlessly, almost unable to get an intelligible word out. The embarrassment I felt about my torso becomes a distant memory as Logan lowers his chest on mine and the heat of pure muscle turns me on more than I already am.
He cups the back of my neck and lifts my chin, pressing kisses along my jaw and down to my neck. He mouths at the sensitive skin there, his teeth scraping lightly against it.
I let out a hiss as his teeth run along my neck, and his thumb runs along my neck to calm me down. He begins mouthing at my neck, and the warmth of his tongue sends shivers down my entire body. All I can think about is his mouth on my neck and how I want his mouth to travel down further.
My hips buck from my hardness, unable to express the bliss from his tongue on my neck, and wanting to feel more of his hard muscle on my body, wanting him to release the entirety of his weight on me.
“Is this okay?” Logan asks, almost mumbling against the nape of my neck.
I nod. “Yeah. Very okay,” I whisper.
He meets my eyes and smiles before working his way back up from my neck to my jawline and then to my mouth, his lips moving with a ferocity that wasn’t there before.
I want his mouth on mine forever. I don’t want to live in a moment where his hands or his mouth aren’t somewhere on me.
This is more than just okay; this is pure bliss. And it’s a dream I don’t want to wake up from.
As he kisses me more, I realize that this is all I’ve been wanting. It’s what I’ve been denying myself of, and I let myself lose all inhibition in Logan as his body and mouth close around me. I let myself be fully enveloped by him.
“Hey, maybe we—uh—”
Logan’s tongue grazes along my neck, and I want to melt. “Maybe we should cool it a little?” I ask, realizing that I probably won’t be able to stop if we keep going like this.
Logan nods breathlessly. “Sure. Yeah, of course.”
He peels himself off of me and props himself back up on his bed.
I swallow hard. “Thanks. I just—”
“It’s okay. You don’t have to explain,” Logan mumbles.
He scratches my back softly, and I push myself up, leaning against his shoulder.
He wraps an arm around my shoulders, and I nestle into the crook of his neck, the warmth of his skin radiating against mine and lulling me into sleepiness.
With Logan is where I feel safe, and as much as I hate to admit it, I’m willing to let him be that from now on.