Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
Theo
“This place is creepy as fuck,” I whispered to Hamish, who had become somewhat of a security blanket for me. Since joining me upstairs, he hadn’t left my side and didn’t seem to mind how hard I squeezed his hand or how tightly I pressed against him.
“Forgive me for asking, but are you actually enjoying yourself?”
No. I was not. I loved the history of the buildings, but maybe I could’ve done without some of the more sordid tales.
Hearing that it had been turned into a makeshift hospital at one point was one thing.
It was another thing entirely to hear about the ghosts that still wandered around in the aftermath.
The only reason I was keeping it together at all was Hamish’s steady presence at my side.
“I’m fine. It’s fun. Let’s keep up with the group.”
“For the record, I don’t believe you, but I’m willing to humor you in hopes that you’ll get a drink with me after this.”
I wanted to be insulted by Hamish’s denial, but I couldn’t be.
He was nothing but honest in a startlingly refreshing way.
There was a kindness in him that was so obvious to anyone who saw him.
At least, I thought it was obvious. Hamish had one of those faces that exuded confidence and compassion.
He made it easy to forget that we’d just met.
“And if you follow me, we’ll head down the back stairs that lead to the kitchen, and then we’ll go out the back and down the street to the church and the attached graveyard.”
Dread slithered through me at the mention of a graveyard.
I’d known it was on the tour. It was one of the most famous stops.
The church and the cemetery filled with the people who’d helped found the town.
It was a landmark, and during the day it was beautiful and peaceful.
Large trees loomed, casting the cemetery in shadows during the day.
It was a serene place. But at night it would just be dark and haunted, and I suddenly wasn’t sure I could feel my knees.
“Theo?” Hamish’s voice sounded far away, like he was at the other end of a tunnel.
“I—”
“Breathe, Theo.” His hands were suddenly on my cheeks, and his face was inches from mine.
All I could see suddenly was him. The furrow of his brow, pinched with worry.
The amber in his eyes. The eyes were a window to the soul, and it was clear that Hamish had a beautiful soul. “Breathe, Theo. Deep breath in.”
Hamish’s words started to make sense, and I did as he did, taking in a deep breath. We held it, then let it out. He had me repeat this a few more times, and he must have decided I was feeling better because he smiled at me.
“There you are,” he said.
“I’d really like that drink now,” I told him.
The rest of the tour hadn’t gone on without us.
They couldn’t really leave me behind, but I sort of wished they had.
Everyone looked at me with either scorn or pity.
Everyone except Hamish, who had only compassion for me, and Casper, who seemed to be curious.
Casper encouraged everyone to meet at the bottom of the stairs, but they hung back. “Are you okay?” they asked.
“I’m—I think I’ve had enough for one night, to be honest.”
Casper nodded as if they’d expected me to say that exact thing. “Unfortunately, I can’t give refunds.” They looked apologetic, like this was something they had to explain frequently or at least often enough to be a little wary when informing people of the policy.
“I’m aware. It’s fine. I’m fine. I don’t care about a refund.”
Hamish’s arm slid around me, and he pulled me closer to his side like he could tell I needed something solid and real to cling to.
“We’d really like to be going now,” Hamish said. “Your tour is wonderful, and I’ll be sure to give it a plug on air.”
Casper’s eyes lit up. “That would be wonderful of you, thank you so much.” They winced. “I still can’t give you a refund.”
Hamish only smiled. “Don’t worry about it.”
Casper motioned to the stairs. “Follow me down, and I’ll go straight to the back and let you out.”
The stairs were narrow and creepy as hell. I’d never been in a building that gave me such a bad feeling as this one, but it was almost as though the building itself oozed misery from the memories of all the shit that happened in it.
Despite Hamish’s arm around me or the way I tried to keep my breathing even, it was clear to everyone that I was a wreck. I bolted past the tour and shot out the back door as Casper opened it.
We found ourselves in a back alley, and though it was darker than the main street, which was a short walk to the left, the darkness out here didn’t feel nearly as oppressive as whatever was going on inside that saloon.
Fresh air made its way to the depths of my lungs, and slowly the world stopped spinning. Feeling in my knees returned, and with it, absolute humiliation. A miserable-sounding groan rumbled out of me.
“Oh, God. I’ve made such an ass of myself.”
“You haven’t.” Hamish was so quick to refute my claim that I had no choice but to try and trust him.
“I haven’t?” I blinked at him, not quite grasping how that was possible.
“Come have a drink with me.” His smile was soft and full of understanding. The corner quirked up. “Not here, though,” he joked.
“I think I could really use a drink right now. So yes. I accept.”
Hamish escorted me out of the dark alley and led me in the opposite direction the tour would be heading. Which was good. The more distance between me and the cemetery, the better.
We didn’t really talk until we entered the bar, and Hamish tucked me in a booth in the corner, then went to the bar and grabbed us a couple of drinks. He set the beer down in front of me with an apologetic look.
“I should’ve asked what you wanted.”
“Beer’s fine. Thank you. And thank you for helping me back there. I didn’t—”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I feel like I do. Like maybe I should. Maybe it will help?” I shrugged and took a sip of the beer. It wasn’t as bitter as beer normally was, and it had a sort of sweet undertone to it. “This is nice, by the way, thanks,” I said, lifting my drink so he’d know what I meant.
“It’s brewed locally,” Hamish said.
“I—fuck, this is embarrassing. But… okay. So.” I took a deep breath and let it woosh out of my lungs as I attempted to put into words all the ways that I was weird.
“There was a very specific reason I chose to go on a haunted walking tour. As you know, my best friend was supposed to have come with me. I—” I paused and took a sip of my drink. “I’m afraid of the dark.”
Hamish didn’t flinch. He didn’t look at me like I was stupid, or immature, or like he didn’t believe me. He just accepted my words as truth and didn’t seem to hold them against me.
“Thank you for sharing that with me. That had to be hard,” he said, further proving that he was far too good of a man for me.
I tried to imagine telling some of the other men I’d been on dates with, and I inwardly grimaced at the knowledge that they would’ve ridiculed me over it. I really did have shitty taste in men.
Until now, it would seem.
“Thanks for not making me feel bad about it. It’s not something I’ve ever shared. Well, I told a few therapists, but I always got the feeling they never took me seriously.”
“Forgive me for asking, but why did you choose to go on a haunted walking tour, at night, in the dark, to a cemetery?”
“I thought like… exposure therapy is a thing, right? I thought maybe if I could get through this that it would be easier to navigate regular situations. Because nothing could be as bad as tonight was.”
Hamish considered my logic for a moment, then nodded as though it made perfect sense. “Do you think it’s going to work?”
“Honestly…” I took a deep breath, and it blew out of me like a sigh. “I have no idea. But I do know that I’m never going on another haunted walking tour ever again. I like the historical buildings, but I think I’ll book the daylight tours that don’t focus on ghost stories and hauntings and stuff.”
“Well, if you need a plus one for that, I’d love to see you again.”
“Really? Even though we’ve established that I’m—”
“You’re fine,” Hamish interrupted. “You’re fine, Theo. There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“I’ve been afraid of the dark since I was a kid. People have always made fun of me when they found out.”
“People suck. They don’t understand what it’s like.”
“It’s not just the darkness.” I leaned forward, ready to unburden myself.
Lowering my voice made Hamish lean closer.
If I leaned across the table a little more, I could kiss him.
He had full, perfectly kissable-looking lips.
But maybe after I told him the depth of the issue, I’d see if he still looked at me like he wouldn’t mind if I kissed him.
“It’s not just the darkness,” I repeated as I tried to articulate what really bothered me about it. “If you looked into a dark room, pitch black, you’d see nothing. Right? Well, when I look into a dark room, I see nothing, but I don’t feel nothing. And that’s why it scares me.”
Hamish nodded.
“Sometimes, it’ll be a perfectly sunny day, and the wind will be just this little breeze, you know.
Everything seems idyllic. But I can tell when a storm is coming, even before the wind picks up.
It’s like there’s a presence I can feel before I can see it.
I know that doesn’t directly relate to what you experience, but I just thought you should know that things can still exist even if we can’t see them. ”
I stared at Hamish for a long moment before asking a question, one that I couldn’t get out of my head now. “What is your opinion on night lights?”
Hamish looked confused so I elaborated. “I hope it’s favorable, because I’d really like you to come back to my place.”
Hamish’s confusion turned into a smile that made my stomach wobble with excitement. “As it so happens, I don’t have any opinions about night lights, but maybe I should investigate this so I can form one.”
“I’ll call an Uber.”
The tour had been a bust, and lingering humiliation still simmered in the back of my mind, but maybe this night wouldn’t be a complete wash after all.