Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
Bailey: When you say you need protection from grandmas… What kind of protection are we talking about here? Because I dunno how comfortable I am fighting an old lady.
Remington: OMG NO! LOL!
Remington: No violence against the nanas is necessary.
Remington: More like a human shield kind of protection.
Bailey: Well, I’m relieved about that, but it means I’m more confused now.
Bailey: What is it you need protection for exactly?
Remington: So, I have this work thing on Friday, and I need someone to pretend to be my date so then I don’t have to take part in the bachelor auction.
Bailey: … is the bachelor auction at a retirement village?
Remington: LOL NO!
Remington: That could be funny though.
Remington: It’s at some fancy-ass hotel downtown. But the last few times I’ve had to do it, I always end up getting the rich grandmas bidding on me and they like to touch my butt, Bailey!
Bailey: Okay… I… don’t know what to say to that?
Bailey: That’s kinda a lot to unpack.
Bailey: Your work auctions you off?
Remington: Yeah, but it’s all, like, controlled. We all go to the same restaurant at the same time.
Bailey: And your employers encourage this?
Remington: Yeah. All the money goes to charity.
Remington: I try to think of it like I’m doing my part for the elderly, you know? I can’t imagine they get to feel many peachy butts once they hit 70, and having a squeeze of an old person saggy butt can’t be as fun.
Bailey:
Bailey: Why… How… Why?
Bailey: Nope. I’ve got nothing. I’m genuinely speechless.
Remington: You could say you’ll be my date?!
Remington: Save me from the grandmas, Bailey!
Bailey: I don’t even know what I’d need to do. This is completely new to me.
Bailey: I was under the impression this app was more for finding people, not so much getting involved in… sexual… stuff.
Bailey: Not that there’s anything wrong with that! There’s no judgment from me, I promise.
Remington: Wait, I’m confused?
Remington: I don’t have sex with the grandmas.
Remington: OMG LOL Could you imagine!
Bailey: No, I really don’t want to do that.
Bailey: But wait…
Bailey: What do you do for work then?
Remington: I work for a sports team.
Bailey: Oh…
Bailey: OHH. Yeah, I was miles off with my assumption.
Bailey. Well, now I feel like an ass. I’m sorry.
Remington: Don’t worry, I won’t let the grandmas touch your ass!
Bailey: Thanks, I appreciate it.
Bailey: Maybe we could meet up first. You know, make sure that us “dating” is plausible.
Remington: Why? Are you an alien?
Bailey: I mean, that’s debatable.
Remington: OMG I knew they were real!
Bailey: Lol
Bailey: But in all seriousness, we might not be a match. I might not be your “type”.
Bailey: And what if we get asked how we met? We need a whole backstory prepared.
Remington: OH, I KNOW! Maybe it could be something like you came to earth in search of the best marshmallow in all the land and you landed in my backyard and we had a marshmallow party.
Bailey:
Bailey: I was thinking more we met in a coffee shop but that could be interesting. It would certainly spice things up.
Bailey: Those grandmas won’t know what they missed out on.
Remington: :D
Remington: I can meet tomorrow afternoon? Say like 1?
Bailey: I can make that work.
Remington: Yes! I’m so excited, Bailey! You’ve saved my ass, literally.
Remington: Gonna make all the grannies jealous!
Bailey: Ha, we’ll see about that.