Chapter 4 #2
Instead of answering, he rubs his cheek against mine. “Let’s make this salad before I give up and throw you in bed.”
Some part of me has always feared I wouldn’t know how to share space with another person after so many years of solitude.
You lose the feel for it, like how your strength disappears if you don’t exercise.
It became one more excuse on my huge stack of reasons not to try dating.
But nothing about this afternoon feels awkward.
I try to drink in every moment as we prep the food and carry it to the little table outside.
The clatter of forks and the sharp scent of red onion.
Cannon’s infectious laugh, the way he listens when I talk.
Gary’s stinky panting as he carries balls up the steps for me to throw out into the forest behind the property.
But everything keeps going by faster and faster until I feel like crying.
When we’ve devoured all the salad and most of our loaf of bread, Cannon stretches expansively, arching his back with a groan. “That was delicious. Thank you very much, chef.”
“Uh-huh,” I say a little weakly, watching him out of the corner of my eye as my heart rate speeds up. All the energy in the air shifted as soon as I took my last bite. We’ve both been waiting for this since the minute we locked eyes over the football field.
I’m so hyper-aware of what comes next that I twitch and whimper when he reaches across the table and squeezes my shaky hand.
“Don’t be scared,” he murmurs, tilting his head and drinking me in.
“I’ll take good care of you.” An absolute flood of pent-up arousal explodes in my core, and I can already feel it leaking out between my legs. Fuck, I’m too easy.
I can’t manage words, so I just look at him pleadingly.
“Come on.” He helps me to my feet and points me into the apartment, kicking the door shut behind us so Gary can’t interrupt.
When I get close to the neatly made king-sized bed with its beautiful cedar headboard, I stop and turn around so abruptly Cannon almost crashes into me and has to grab my elbows to keep us both upright.
I’ve gone all wide-eyed and frozen like a lost baby deer, and I can’t seem to do anything about it.
Cannon rests a firm, tender hand on either side of my neck and stretches up to kiss my forehead, then the tip of my nose before pulling back and studying my eyes. “Tell me what you’re afraid of, gorgeous.”
If I can’t be honest with him about anything else, I can give him this.
I suck in a ragged breath. “It’s just been so long.
Eight years, I think? I haven’t had sex with anyone the way I am now, in my real body.
I’m not ashamed, but no matter how hard I try I can’t make myself believe that a cis guy could see me the way I see myself, as a man.
” I manage a weak, rueful smile. “I like logic, and nothing about it is logical.”
I expect him to blow me off with a no way, but instead he nods seriously, like he understands that a little pep talk isn’t going to erase the complicated and painful realities of my life.
His hands slide up my neck to cradle my face and pull our foreheads close together.
“Will you trust that I want you?” he asks softly. “Can I show you?”
“Yes,” I whisper. I’ve spent all day watching his thoughts and feelings flicker across his face with total honesty. I don’t think he could mislead me if he tried. “You can touch anything, use any part of me you want. I don’t have any limits. If I’m not okay, I’ll say I want to stop.”
“Good,” he purrs, and before that single word of praise can destroy me he licks suddenly and fiercely into my mouth, pressing his hips against mine so I can feel the hard-on growing in his jeans. I whine, too overwhelmed to worry about sounding pathetic, knowing he probably likes it.
His piercing rasps gently along my tongue, then he’s gone, leaning back and catching the hem of my sweater. “Off.”
Our breathing sounds loud in the quiet room as I wrestle off my shirt and throw it aside.
I try to grab Cannon’s t-shirt, but he pushes my hands away with a soft growl and starts kissing firm and messy down my throat, across my panting chest. I grab his thick shoulders in a death grip when he swipes his tongue hungrily along the faint lines of my top surgery scars. “Fuck.”
I can’t breathe, and my ability to stand upright is quickly leaving me.
There’s a sexy as sin, dominant twenty-six-year-old gay man sliding to his knees at my feet, pushing his tongue piercing into my belly button as he claws open my jeans.
He groans when I rake my fingers along the bristly shaved sides of his hair.
The analytical part of me that can’t let go for anything suspects that he’s taking the getting undressed part fast, so I’ll stop overthinking.
Before I can even process, he’s dragged my jeans and briefs down, caught my thighs in his firm hands, and leaned back to get a look at my small, erect dick surrounded by the tidy pubic hair I trimmed as soon as I knew we were meeting today.
“I—” My voice breaks off in a choked sob when Cannon tightens his grip around my ass and dives in to wrap his mouth around my wet, swollen cock.
He shudders when he gets a taste of me and starts sucking my length hungrily.
The heat is unbelievable, the pull, the feeling that no part of me belongs to myself anymore.
“No, fuck, I can’t,” I sob even as I spread my thighs more, thankful that I gave us a pseudo safe word so that I can freak out without worrying about him stopping.
He’s fucking relentless, tormenting the sensitive skin with his tongue until he finds the angle that makes my knees give out for real and he has to hold me up with his powerful grip around my ass.
When he tosses his head back, gasping for breath with my precum wet on his lips, I really do fall and land hard on my ass on the edge of the mattress.
He flashes me the widest grin I’ve seen all day, toothy and wolfish but also so childishly pleased with himself.
When he comes up on his knees and kisses me hard, making me taste myself on his tongue, I wrap my arms tightly around his neck, my legs gripping his hips.
“Can I undress you?” I beg, enjoying the way it feels to ask him for permission.
If we had more than a day together, there are so many games we could play.
“Go on.” He nips my earlobe, then stands up and helps me to my unstable feet so I can peel off his t-shirt.
“Jesus,” I murmur, unable to do anything but ogle the round, hard mounds of his pecs, the softly defined abs and thick shoulders.
He stands patiently, his breath catching in ragged, quiet sounds as I trace my fingers under his pecs, then up to smooth my thumbs across his dark nipples.
Feeling more confident, I stroke the erection straining under his jeans until he twitches and growls my name.
Before he can tell me to wait, I push down his jeans to expose his ass and thighs and shit, I forgot how big cis dicks can be. The heavy shaft, slightly darker than his skin, juts out from curly reddish hair to leave a streak of precum where it brushes my hip.
I don’t realize I’m just standing there open-mouthed until he laughs and puts a firm warning hand on my shoulder. “Look at me.” Shivering, I drag my eyes to his. “If you want to stare at it so bad, get on your knees.”
“I, um… But—” I blather, trying to figure out how to convey that I don’t know how to blow someone.
“Reed,” he snaps, pushy but not harsh, and points at the floor. “Down.”
I’m so wet now I can feel it on my thighs as I drop unsteadily to the cool, slightly bumpy hardwood. I must look borderline terrified, because he grins and strokes a thumb along my cheek before tapping it against the corner of my mouth. “Just a little, baby. You need to get me ready for you.”
Choking on nerves and arousal, I part my lips and let him guide his heavy, leaking head to rest against my tongue.
I only take about a centimeter before it feels like too much and I almost gag.
Cannon stops and strokes his fingers through my hair, crooning proudly like I’m a champ who just deep throated seven inches.
I try to earn the praise by digging my fingers into his thighs and sucking messily, swallowing his unfamiliar salty taste while he jerks off the rest of it.
He doesn’t stop me when I slide a hand down and rub my own erection hard until I’m dizzy with sensation.
I could do this so well for him someday, I keep thinking again and again. If things were different he could teach me, and I could learn. But all I can do now is try to make this enough.