Chapter 18 JOVI
JOVI
TRUTH IS LIKE GLITTER. ONCE IT'S OUT, IT'S EVERYWHERE!
The upstairs living room is quiet, in that heavy, uncomfortable way that always makes things ten times more awkward than they need to be. Warm air clings to my skin like a second layer, and I can't tell if it's from the weather or the stress of my family and Theo being here. God.
Theo stands over by the window, looking out at the view wearing an expression that could only be described as troubled.
His hands are shoved into the pockets of his dark jeans, rocking slightly on his heels like he doesn't quite know what to do with himself.
He turns, gaze darting around the room before finally landing on me.
While I'm not excited by this interaction I know that there's no way out of it, and I'd hate for this to drag on unnecessarily.
It wouldn't be good for either of us. He’s wearing a black Henley, his sleeves rolled up to his elbows, forearms tan and tense.
He looks different. Smarter? No. Sharper. Definitely nervous.
He clears his throat and runs a hand through his hair, a little longer and lighter than West’s. The gesture is automatic, something he's always done when he's trying to work up the courage to say something.
“I wanted to talk to you,” he says finally.
“I figured that when you said you wanted to talk to me.” Shit. I'm being sarcastic and that's not going to win me any wars. Clearing my throat, I try to make it easy for him because I can't handle the suspense. When I go to speak, he beats me to it.
“I went to your apartment, but you weren't there. And when I ran into Shiloh downtown, she told me you were on vacation. Which at first, I thought was a lie because you… on vacation? I thought she was hiding you from me.” Eh, it checks out.
He shifts his weight from one foot to the other.
“When I heard about the hurricane, I knew my dad was on a cruise near here and that's when I ran into Shiloh and Axl.” He pauses, glancing at me for the briefest second, before he leans back against the wall by the window opposite to where I'm sitting.
“Had to beg Zane to bring me along, and by the way, that guy? Not a fan of me.” I chuckle because no matter what, Zane has always had my back.
He's always protected me in ways not even my brothers have. Sure, he’s over the top and a little intense but he has a big heart.
“They care about me,” I murmur, not knowing what else to say, especially after everything that happened the last time we saw each other. And everything that's happened since.
“Yeah, I got that.” He lets out a shaky breath before walking over to me, sitting in the spot on the couch beside me.
He doesn't look at me though, instead, he leans over and rests his elbows on the tops of his thighs, staring at his hands clasped together in front of him.
Something is troubling Theo. Is it me? His father?
I didn't notice before but I paid very little attention to him, and that's a mistake I will own.
“Jovi. I want to apologize to you.” He sits back, his body no longer taut, instead he sinks against the couch, utterly defeated. “I messed up. I treated you like fucking shit and you know what? You didn't deserve it.” A little shocked, I sit with that for a moment.
“It wasn't all you, Theo. I was never there for you. For that I’m sorry.”
“That's just it, Jovi. I handled things terribly. And I didn't mean any of it. I mean, sure we were distant, but that's how it had always been between us. That's how I wanted it between us.”
Okay…
“I know you're fucking my dad.” There it is. He just flat out said it. The words hang heavy in the air that separates us, and I don't have a second to think before he turns to face me. “I don't mind, Jovi. Sure, I'd be lying if I said I'm not a little grossed out by it, no offense.”
“None taken.”
“But I just want my dad to be happy, you know.” How did he know? Was it the obvious display he stumbled into when he arrived?
“Theo, I—”
“I have to get this out, Jovi.” His eyes are burning into me, and for a second, I'm a little worried as to where this is going, but that thought is immediately erased as his eyes start to water.
“I didn't deserve you. Not ever. And I'm sorry.
But I'm cleaning my life up. I've always been sort of lost, you know.
Like I've been wandering around with no destination and while that might be okay for some people, I've realized that it's the opposite of what I need.” I stare at him dumbfounded.
Shocked by his admission but also, I can relate to what he's saying.
Theo is on his own journey. He's got to figure himself out and learn who it is he wants to be before anything else.
“I understand more than you’d think. And I forgive you.
And I'm sorry about everything.” There's a lot I'm not saying, like I'm sorry I fell in love with your dad for instance, but this situation is overwhelming enough without me adding to it.
He's obviously going through it right now, so I will try and keep the part I play in this as simple as possible.
“About Tamika.”
“No, we don't have to go there honestly, I—"
“I never cheated on you. Tamika was never my girlfriend. She's my best friend. I just wanted you to know that,” he says, his eyes heavy and it looks like he hasn't slept in days.
“Thank you for telling me,” is all I can say because what else is there for me to say? I'm over it? That I don’t care as much as I thought I did? That I've moved on? None of that sounds right.
A knock on the wall startles me, and I look up to see West standing there, looking like he's not sure if he should walk in or jump into the ocean.
“Can I come in?” I say nothing, giving Theo the opportunity to decide. For some reason, there's a small, tiny, minute little instinct in me to watch out for him. I'm not sure where the fuck it comes from, but it's there somewhere.
“Yeah,” Theo says quietly. West steps into the room like he's not entirely sure if he's allowed to be here.
He stops by the same window, staring out at the ocean the same way that Theo did moments earlier.
Like he needs something sure and steady to look at so he doesn't say or do something wrong.
Wow, this is weird. Silence stretches between us, heavy and borderline uncomfortable, filled with things they're not sure how to say.
Theo exhales, then pushes himself to his feet, holding out a hand to me.
Confused, I take it, then I glance over at West, who looks…
crushed. Wait? Does he think Theo and I are back together?
Is that what he thinks is happening here? No way in hell.
My stomach twists with every step, but West isn't looking at me anymore. His gaze is locked somewhere at his feet, as if he's afraid that if he lifts his eyes, he'll see something he'll never recover from.
“Good to see you’re well,” West says, and I don't miss the raw emotion in his tone. He's worried. About his son, yeah. But also about us.
“Dad,” Theo says. “I don't even know how to say this so I'm just going to come out with it.” I study West. He looks defeated, and I can't let him feel like he's alone in this.
I reach out and grip his arm, forcing as much love and adoration into my expression as possible, because he's got it all wrong where he and I are concerned.
I'm all in, baby. I'm not going anywhere.
He noticeably relaxes, and my chest tightens, my heart racing a mile a minute.
“I'm sorry. For everything,” Theo says. “For messing up all the fuckin’ time.” West freezes, his brows knitting together in confusion.
“But I don't want to mess this up for you.” Theo drops my hand and looks out the window.
West glances down at me as if to ask what the hell is happening, then back to Theo, whose arms are crossed as he gazes out at the endless view of the ocean.
“Son. There's so much I have to tell you—”
“I already know,” Theo says, his voice quiet and seemingly unbothered. “I've known for a long time.”
The look West has is nothing short of horrified. The color drains from his face and his jaw slackens.
“You know?” West whispers.
“Come on, Dad. Give me a little credit. You're not exactly subtle.” West drags a hand down his face.
“I never wanted you to find out like this.”
“I didn't. I found out a long time ago. But if you're talking about Jovi, this is brand new information.” Theo turns, his expression softening when he notices his dad’s inner turmoil.
“I won't lie, I was a little pissed that you had been lying to me.
But honestly, I don't care who you're with, Dad.” He lets out a sigh.
“I just want you both, I mean, all four of you to be… happy.” I study Theo.
My eyes search for some sort of hint that this isn't genuine, because where the hell did the Theo I once knew go?
“I was terrified you'd look at me differently.”
I study Theo, waiting for the catch. The punchline.
The deflection that always seemed to let him dodge hard conversations in the past without any consequences, but it never comes.
Instead, he pulls his phone from his pocket, his thumb swiping across the screen, and both West and I watch as he battles and tries to dodge some sort of invisible war we aren’t aware of.
I’ve never seen him like this. Not this restless, certainly not this exposed.
Granted, I wasn’t the most present person in his life, but maybe I’ve missed something?
“Theo?” I say gently, breaking the silence and interrupting whatever seems to be weighing him down. “There’s no reception here.” Slowly, he lifts his head and meets our eyes.