Chapter 42
FORTY-TWO
“Where’s Lana?” a familiar voice asks as I sit in a seat at the arena, watching practice from the stands.
I should be down there, since I promised Phil I’d race this weekend, but I’m just not feeling it.
Everything feels a bit hollow, a bit less interesting.
While the meeting with the board isn’t over, my dad assured me in no uncertain terms that I can come back in as little as two weeks from now and take Levi’s spot.
I got what I wanted.
I fixed my image, won back my spot, and cleared my name.
But why the hell does it feel so empty?
When I turn toward the voice, Tyler is standing there, arms crossed on his chest, looking down at me with interest.
“In her room, I think. She and Demi are packing up and have a few calls with their boss.” After everything came out, Lana and Demi were given the go-ahead to explain to some of the drivers and crew about her real reason for being here and why Mel and Jordan would no longer be here.
Everyone was shocked that Lana wasn’t actually a driver, of course, but no one gave her a hard time about it, something I know she was worried about.
I wonder if that’s ever been a concern for her in past assignments, or if, like the rest of this one, it was an outlier to get so close to everyone here.
Tyler’s brows furrow. “She’s packing? Why?” I shrug, trying to seem more unaffected than I am.
“Their assignment is over. They’ve got a couple of days off, but I think they’re already lining up another mission.”
“So she’s just… leaving?”
“This was a job for her. It’s time for her to move on to the next one.” The words sit heavy in my chest as I think about Lana changing herself again, fitting into a new role, creating a new version of herself.
The truth is, I don’t want her to move on to another assignment. It’s not because of my own personal reasons, but because I don’t want that for her. I don’t want her to feel the need to keep changing to fit in, not when she’s found somewhere she fits so fucking perfectly.
But what I love most about Lana is the way she shows me who she is, the real version, not the curated one she makes so that people like her, so she fits in. And if she wants to leave and continue with the Mavens, I’ll support her no matter what. As I contemplate this, Tyler moves to sit beside me.
“But… she is Heartbreaker.” I know what he means: Heartbreaker wasn’t just a role of Lana’s; it was who she is. She is a heartbreaker. She was meant to be here, to race and win and show off. I thought it was what she wanted too, until she told me that she was still planning to leave.
“She likes what she does,” I say, trying to be casual. “I won’t tell her what to do with her life.”
“Man, I knew you were a moron, but I didn’t realize you were this stupid.”
I blink at him, confused. In the past few months, things have started to shift for the better between Tyler and me. Though I couldn’t say we were back to childhood best friends, I thought we were getting closer.
But maybe it was all in my head.
“What the fuck?”
“Oh, come on, Rome. You know as well as I do she was meant for Monster Smash. Not everyone can do this, but she did it—and she did it fucking amazingly. She could take the title if she wanted to. Especially if she had a good mentor in her corner.”
Lana could take the national title, and I know it would mean so much to her. Not just because she could feel good about it, but she would love showing other girls, other women, that they belong in spaces that historically weren’t intended for them.
In the last few months, Lana opened doors here, and she didn’t let them close behind her. She put in a doorstop so anyone else could follow her in.
“It’s not my place to tell her what she should be doing or not.”
“Maybe, maybe not. I’m not her man, unfortunately,” he says, giving me a shit-eating grin I kind of want to punch off his face. “But I do know that she’s the type to do what she feels like she’s supposed to do to make other people happy. But when she’s in that truck, she looks happy.”
He’s right, of course, and a part of me wants to punch him for knowing that about my girl, for taking such notice of her. But then again, Tyler’s always been great at reading people.
“So, if you were her man,” I say, the words tasting sour.
He beams, loving the opportunity to make me uncomfortable.
“You never will be—but if you were, what would you do? Because if you were her man, you’d know that telling her what to do would not go over well.
You’d know that if you did that, it would most likely end a relationship that is worth a lot more than getting my way. ”
“Well, I wouldn’t tell her what she has to say, for one,” he says. “I’d show her.”
“Show her?” I ask, a bit confused, but then it clicks as I look around the arena, an arena that in the next few hours will be loud with engines and dust as practice begins.
An arena she belongs in.
“Show her,” I say with a nod, then turn to my former best friend. “Do you think—”
“I thought you’d never ask,” he says with a wide grin before I can even finish my sentence.
It takes two hours, but by the time Lana texts me to say she’s coming down to say goodbye to everyone, we’re ready. The lights in the arena are off, the engines silent, and when I meet her in the hall, she looks rightfully confused.
“You were gone for too long,” I say, pulling her into me and pressing my lips to hers.
I hope to god she doesn’t see the nervousness on my face or feel the faint shaking of my hands.
When I pull back, she looks at me for an explanation, but doesn’t say anything, instead sliding her hand into mine before moving to her tiptoes to press a kiss to my lips.
Demi is behind her, a smug smile on her lips, knowing full well what’s been going on down here since I’ve been texting her all afternoon.
“Ready?” I ask, and she looks at me with a soft, mournful look. She thinks she’s hiding it behind a sunny smile, but I can see right through her mask, so I don’t miss it.
“Yeah,” she says with a sigh before we head toward the arena door. Her brows furrow, and she looks up at me. “Why is it so quiet? Did I miss practice?” I shake my head.
“No.” It’s a simple answer, but I think that raises her suspicions more than anything else. When I open the doors to the dark arena, she looks around the dimly lit stadium.
“What on earth?” We step onto the dirt and just like we planned, Tyler comes over to greet us.
“Hey, heartbreaker,” he says, and the only reason I let it go is that it’s all part of our plan. I guess I should think of another pet name for her, another way to differentiate myself from her fans, but she’ll always be a heartbreaker to me.
“What’s going on here? I thought you were practicing?
” Tyler just shakes his head, and she looks up at me, lost. “I thought I’d be able to race you one more time.
” There’s a bit of disappointment on her face, and it only confirms this was the right choice, that we need to do what we can to get her to realize she has to stay.
“I’m not driving today,” I say.
“What do you mean you’re not driving?” On cue, Tyler answers her question.
“No one’s driving today. The whole team isn’t here,” he says. Lana steps away from me, looking unsure, and I just smile down at her smugly.
“What is this?”
“This is us telling you that you belong here, Lana.” The light turns on, then, in some wild, grand gesture, and it works out perfectly.
In the center of the arena, the unicorn truck sits, a light shining on it.
All the other trucks are parked around it, pointing toward the center, but most importantly, everyone stands before Lana’s truck: drivers, techs, crew, and employees of the circuit.
Even Phil and my dad are standing there, in shirts matching everyone else’s.
Purple shirts with pink writing across the chest: Heartbreaker in big, bold font.
What the hell is this?” she asks with a laugh, eyes wide.
“You’re a part of this family, Lana. We want you to stay.”
“I…” she starts, the word a whisper as she looks at everyone smiling at me. “Did you do this?”
“I had some help.” I look over at Oliver and Tyler, who have thrown a Heartbreaker shirt over his tee, and both are grinning at me.
When Lana’s eyes turn back to mine, they’re shimmering.
“You belong here, Lana. Everyone knows it. I think you know it too, but you’re scared to admit it.
But it’s fine. The whole point of an adrenaline rush is that it’s tinged in fear. ”
“Rome,” she whispers, looking from everyone watching to me. “I’m supposed to go to a new assignment soon.”
“I think your mission is over, Lana,” I murmur, pushing a loose hair behind her ear. “I think this was always your path, that you were always supposed to find the version of you that felt right. And stay.”
“What?”
“You joined the Mavens because it was easy, because you’re great at sliding into one personality or the next, because you didn’t know which one felt most like you.
I think you joined because it gave you the chance to try new versions of yourself out, see which one fits.
It was never supposed to be a forever thing for you, Lana. ”
“I don’t—”
“Has it ever been hard to leave an assignment?” I ask, and when she doesn’t argue my point, my chest swells with hope.
“No, but I think it’s just hard because of you,” she says, and I shake my head.
“No, it’s not, and you know it. You didn’t love this place just because of me.
You felt safe to love me because you finally found yourself.
You’re having a hard time leaving this assignment because this is where you belong.
” He looks at me, stunned, then looks over my shoulder at Demi, who gives her a small, knowing smile.
She’s seen it too, sees Lana light up, become more of herself.
And just like me, she doesn’t want her best friend to lose that, even if it means she’ll lose her partner.
“Stay here. It’s where you were always meant to be, Lana.” I murmur, holding her close.
“Lana, you’ve gotta stay!” Courtney shouts from the crowd.
“Yeah, with you and Rome gone, no one is going to be able to keep Tyler’s ego in check,” Oliver says with a laugh. Her eyes shimmer as she laughs, too.
“Please don’t make me put on a purple shirt for nothing,” Tyler groans.
“How did you convince them to do that?” she asks, smiling wide and alluring.
“Blackmail.”
“Roman!”
“I’m kidding, Lana,” I say with a wide grin. “It didn’t take much at all. They also want you here.” Her eyes water and a single tear drops down her cheek. I wipe it quickly with my thumb.
“They do?” she asks, voice shaky.
“Hello! And now that Jordan’s gone, I told Phil we should bring another woman on. The applications have come pouring in,” Courtney adds. Lana gasps, looking over at the publicists with the certainty clear on her face.
“They have?”
“You’ve inspired so many women to try out.
You need to stay to continue that legacy.
You’ve made such an impact in just two months—imagine what you could do with an entire season.
” It’s clear now that she likes this idea, that she needed the permission to believe in this, that she wants to get excited.
Then another wave of reality crashes over her face
“I don’t know…” she says, looking to the side. “I’ve got a job, and—”
“Lana, babe. I love you,” Demi says, coming to her side.
Lana steps away, turning her whole body to her partner and friend; my hand stays in hers, a firm, grounding touch.
“You know that. And not having you by my side will suck so bad because I always want it to be us, but you lit up when you came here. You’re a different person than you were when we first arrived.
” She takes a moment, as if trying to think it through, to find the right words before her smile softens.
“You’re you when you’re here, Lana. Not the Chameleon, not someone who can shape shift into a version that fits in wherever she needs to.
But you. Lana, the real version, is all bubblegum pink, sparkles, dirt, and chaos.
I’ve never seen you fit in somewhere the way you do here. ”
“But… the Mavens…” she says, her voice wavering, and Demi lifts a shoulder.
“You and I both know this gig isn’t a lifetime thing for everyone. You just needed it while you needed it. Now you have found where you were supposed to be. Gabriel said he knew this was coming.”
“You talked to Gabriel?” For the first time, Demi looks almost apologetic.
“Yeah. I didn’t want you to have any reason not to jump in with a yes. He said when he assigned us this one, he knew you’d stay.”
I still don’t know how to feel about the mysterious man Lana has been working with for years, who no one has ever met. But I’ll be forever indebted to the man. Not only did he somehow bring Lana to me, but he brought her to herself, and I can’t ever say thank you enough for that.
“What about you?” Lana asks.
“I’m happy where I am. One day, that might change. But right now, we’re talking about you,” Demi says.
“I don’t want to let anyone down,” she whispers.
“If you don’t stay, you’ll be letting yourself down, Lana.” That seems to hit her hard, her eyes widening for a moment as it rolls over her. Then she takes a deep breath and lets it out before nodding.
“Okay,” she says, and hope fills me. “Okay. I’m in. I’m Heartbreaker.” Cheers erupt from the crew, but I ignore them all as I lift her, spinning and kissing her, full of joy in this moment.
“That’s my fucking girl,” I murmur against her lips as I set her back down. She’s giggling and smiling wide, lit up from within, and it brings me so much fucking happiness to know she’s going to have this feeling indefinitely.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” she laughs. Courtney comes up from behind her and hands me her helmet. I take it and nod my thanks before turning back to my girl.
“I can. It’s what you were born to do. Now let’s ride, heartbreaker,” I say, holding her helmet out to her.
When she grins and takes it, her face beaming and bright and so completely Lana, I know that I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure every version of Lana is always completely fulfilled for the rest of her life.
It’s the least I can do for her, for changing mine so completely.