Chapter 5
Earth to Marsha. Earth to Marsha!” I nearly stumble on a crack in the sidewalk when I hear my friend calling my name.
We’re taking a walk through the neighborhood on our lunch break because it’s one of the first warm days of spring this year.
I jolt at the sound of Helen’s laughing voice. “Sorry. Bit distracted. What were you saying?”
I push my tuna sandwich aside, realizing that all the butterflies in my stomach make me not want to touch food.
“Oh, it’s nothing important,” Helen says, lifting her face to the sun when we pause at a corner. “What’s going on with you? You look lost in the clouds.”
“Okay, if I tell you, you have to promise not to make a big deal about it.” I’m already pre-regretting that I’m going to tell her about my date. Helen teaches math here at Jefferson High and is my closest work friend. “And I mean really swear.”
Helen arches an eyebrow and smiles, holding up three fingers like a Girl Scout. “I do solemnly swear not to tease you…much…”
“Fine,” I say, rolling my eyes. “Remember how you’re always encouraging me to go out with one of the single dads?”
Helen pauses and puts her hand on my arm to stop me from walking. She stares at me with a knowing smile spreading on her face. “You finally did! I’m so happy for you! Who is the lucky guy?”
“You know how I’ve talked about my student Tessa, the one who’s so talented?”
“Isn’t her father a grumpy SOB? I’ve heard about him before.”
“He is. He brought Tessa to the Writing Open House, and we talked. He came around a little. I know, I know.” I chuckle when I see the surprised look in Helen’s eyes. “It was clear how much he loves and is protective over his daughter. But he listened and realized there were more options than being a novelist. He was impressed when he heard how much technical writers can earn.”
“Brava, Marsha. Not just for the date but for getting through to him. Parents can be so committed to their beliefs and not open to anything different.”
“That’s for sure. I also got him to let Tessa go to the dance on Friday, and he asked me out. Said if he was going to let her break the rules by going to the dance, he got to break the rules by asking me out.” My heart races thinking about spending the evening with Roman. I’ve gone through my closet so many times, trying to find the perfect dress to wear.
Helen looks at me for a long moment and nods. “Now are you going out with him to evangelize about the possibilities of writing or the possibilities of some,” she winks at me and lowers her voice, “extracurricular activities?”
“Possibly,” I say, feeling my cheeks warm.
“Possibly, the woman says,” Helen jokes, rolling her eyes. “You know, I may be older than you and very happily married, but I still remember what it was like to be young and drawn to someone. Possibly, my you-know-what.”
It’s hard not to laugh at Helen’s censored language. A lot of teachers I’ve met swear behind closed doors or develop a sanitized set of euphemisms. Helen is the latter.
“Okay, fine. Yes, I’m attracted to him.” I exhale. “I don’t even understand it.”
“Marsha,” my friend says gently, “just because you have rules doesn’t mean your heart won’t break them.”
I nod, unable to argue with that. “I know, but it’s more than me not wanting to date a single dad. When we met, it was…” I bite my lip at the memory. “It was like everything fired up in my body before we’d even spoken. All that mattered was being close to him. I wanted to touch and smell him, and frankly,” I pause, making sure none of the other teachers are eavesdropping, “I felt an overpowering need to do a lot more than that,” I say, giving her a knowing look. “He tripped every desire I’ve ever felt, and some that are new to me.”
“That’s exactly how it started with Victor and me. The first time we saw each other, we couldn’t get enough of each other. He found so many little ways to see me and touch me – pushing back my hair when it was windy, letting his fingers brush against mine, sitting closer than strictly necessary. It felt like the world was gray when we weren’t together. Then when we were together, it was technicolor and intoxicating.”
What Helen is describing is the very definition of what I’ve always wanted with a man. After years of not meeting a man like that, I’d consoled myself that maybe my students would have to be the children I’d never have for myself.
“What you’ve described is how I’m feeling,” I admit.
Even thinking about Roman has my heart beating fast and my hormones surging. I don’t tell Helen that it’s not just that I want to be naked with Roman—I’m drawn to him in a magnetic way that has me wanting more than just hot sex, but to create a life together. I can’t even explain how this happened, but one look at him turned on something in me that I couldn’t ignore. I barely know the man, but I want the world with him.
“I see you looking all dreamy, Marsha,” Helen teases. “If he feels like you do, and in my experience, you only feel like this when the other person feels the same way, you’ve found someone special. I predict you have a future with this man.”
* * *
It’simpossible to ignore the butterflies in my stomach as I finish getting ready. I look in the mirror and wonder if this dress is too much, but as I run my hands over the fabric, I decide it’s perfect. It”s definitely a Date Night Dress, but I can”t ignore the self-doubt creeping up inside me. Is Roman really as different as I think he is? I want him to be different from all the other single dads I”ve met, but my heart wavers. Am I hoping for too much?
I give my lashes a final swipe of mascara and blot my lipstick. No matter what my rule is, I can’t deny how much I’m attracted to Roman. He has a quiet authority about him, and I love how devoted he is to Tessa and how protective he is of her. I’ve always wished for someone to be that devoted to me. Even if he’s hesitant about Tessa being a writer, it’s clear how much he loves her and wants the best for her.
I take a deep breath and shake off my doubts. I have to trust my instincts and give Roman a chance. If I let my insecurities and rules get in the way, I”ll ruin everything before it even has a chance to start.
I”m ready to take a chance on him, even if it means breaking my own rule.