Chapter 4
The garage is filled with the stench of motor oil and the grind of power tools. I”m neck-deep under the hood of an old Chevy when Wes saunters over.
“Sooooo,” he drawls, leaning on the car. “What’s this I hear about you being chivalrous with a woman? It’s not like you to do anything other than fuck and run.”
I scowl, not looking up. “Fuck off.” I’m not in the mood for this today. The only thing I want to think about is Claire and working out how to win her over. I don’t need shit from Wes and the others.
“Ooh, someone”s touchy!” Wes laughs, making me tense up. I don’t like being the butt of jokes, even if I was the first to tease the other guys when they met the woman who made them rethink everything.
“C”mon, give us details,” Clark chimes in from the next bay. “Did you get some action or what?”
The other guys stop working to listen in eagerly. My face burns with frustration, and I slam the hood down.
“It”s none of your goddamn business,” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Oh, you hit a sore spot!” Roman hoots.
The other guys laugh, and I clench my jaw. I”ve given these assholes plenty of shit about their relationships. Now they”re taking full advantage to get payback. I finally get why they all got so bent out of shape when I teased them, but it doesn’t make it any easier for me. I’m not used to feeling vulnerable like this, and I haven’t even told these yokels how much I yearn for Claire.
I stand, my fists clenched. It’s not like I’d take a swing at one of my co-workers, but I don’t want to hear them talking shit about Claire. She’s not like any other woman I’ve ever met. These guys haven’t met her, but they’d understand if they did.
“Leave him be,” Mack barks, sensing how on the edge I feel.
The guys grumble but get back to work. I know this won’t be the last of it.
I nod at Mack in thanks. Having him step in defused what might’ve become a bad situation. At least one person here isn”t a complete dickhead.
After my shift, Clark grabs my shoulder before I can bolt out the door. “No hard feelings, man,” he says, chastened. “Let me buy you a beer.”
“It’s okay. I’ll pass,” I reply tersely, in no mood to spend more time with these guys. I need some space for myself.
As I drive away, I try to calm down. Blowing up won”t help. But their teasing brought back all the insecurities I”ve been trying like hell to leave in the past.
I”m not usually one for self-reflection, but I need to figure out what I want from Claire. Seeing her made me remember what true happiness and connection felt like.
I want to make things right between us. But the thought of losing her again terrifies me. Our relationship crashed and burned last time because of my stupid choices.
It won”t be easy. I”ve spent years building emotional walls to keep from getting hurt again. But if I want another chance with Claire, I have to knock those walls down. I have to take the risk and put my heart on the line.
This time, I need to man up and be honest with her about my feelings.
And pray that I don”t fuck things up between us forever.
* * *
I”m sprawledon my lumpy couch in my apartment when I call Jeremiah. I look around my apartment while the phone rings, realizing this is another part of my life I need to get together. Dishes in the sink, clothes piled around, empty beer bottles on the coffee table? That’s not what I want Claire to see.
“Hey bro, what”s up?” Jeremiah answers. I can hear him get up and close his office door.
“You working late again?”
Jeremiah puts me on speaker, and I can hear him typing as he talks. “Yeah. Client had a cybersecurity breach. It’s all hands on deck tonight. What’s up?”
“Not much. Are you still clear to install the security system at Claire’s grandmother’s place tomorrow?”
“Yup, I’ll be there,” he replies. “I already told you that you don”t need to tag along.”
“Come on, man. I want to,” I insist. “For, you know...emotional support and stuff.”
Jeremiah barks out a laugh, and the sound of typing stops. “Emotional support, my ass! You just want an excuse to see Claire again.”
My face gets hot even though Jeremiah can”t see me. “What? No way, it”s not like that.”
“Uh, huh,” Jeremiah says skeptically. “Then what”s it like, bro? You hoping to rekindle that old flame? Or you just looking to get laid by your old flame? Bang the girl who got away?”
I bristle at his implication. “Don”t talk about her like that. Claire”s not some conquest.”
“Then what is she?” Jeremiah challenges. “Come on, level with your big bro. I thought you always said she was just another small-town chick.”
I rake a hand through my hair in frustration. There was a time there I was lying to myself and anyone who would listen, that when Claire broke up with me, I was the one who dodged a bullet. “Yeah, well...I was wrong. Claire”s not like those other girls. She”s...”
I trail off, trying to find the words. I can picture Jeremiah leaning back with his feet on his desk, smirking as he waits for me to continue. The asshole always did like watching me squirm.
“Claire”s the real deal,” I finally mutter. “The kind of girl you’re proud to bring home to Mom, not just fuck in the backseat of your car. She’s the kind you settle down and build a life with. Claire always was.”
There”s a brief silence on Jeremiah”s end. “Whoa. Look at you getting all serious and sentimental. She really did a number on you back then, didn”t she?”
His voice has lost its mocking edge. He was already away in boot camp by the time I met Claire and we started dating, so he didn’t see much of what happened between us. Yet he knows when something is bothering me. As much as we rib each other, Jeremiah”s my brother. He knows me better than anyone.
I clear my throat and shift the conversation back to the matter at hand. “What time tomorrow?”
Jeremiah tells me to meet him at 1 pm.
After we hash out the security plan, Jeremiah asks, “So if Claire ends up sticking around here, you thinking of trying again with her? For real this time?”
I shift uncomfortably on my lumpy couch, buying time by picking at a fraying thread on my T-shirt. Do I want that? A real relationship, putting my heart on the line again with the only woman who ever truly broke it?
“I dunno. Maybe,” I finally reply, faking nonchalance. “I mean, if she”s interested. Which she probably isn”t.”
Jeremiah makes a thoughtful noise. “You might be surprised, little brother. From everything you”ve said, it sounds like you two have unfinished business.”
Hope sparks at his words, but I tamp it down. No use getting ahead of myself. For all I know, Claire sees me as nothing more than an ex she”d rather forget.
“We”ll see, I guess,” I mutter evasively.
Jeremiah launches into a new topic, mentioning he needs to hire an office admin for his security firm. “You know anyone good?”
I snort out a laugh. “You really want me to send one of my many exes to work for you every day? That”s just asking for trouble. You know.”
Jeremiah chuckles. “Good point. Remember that bartender from O”Malley”s? What was her name, Candy?”
I wince. Yeah, probably better not to have girls like Candy around a professional workplace. Not that Jeremiah needs to be told that. He’s always been the smarter of the two of us.
But then I remember Claire mentioning she might stay in town. “What about Claire?” I suggest tentatively.
“Hmmm.” Jeremiah pauses, considering it. “You think that”s a good idea? Mixing business and your own personal agenda?”
“I don’t have an agenda!” I protest. But even as I say it, I know it”s bullshit. Of course, part of me hopes that if Claire is around more, we can rekindle what we once had.
Still, I play it casual with Jeremiah. “I think she said she needs a job. Doesn”t have to be anything serious.”
“Alright, I”ll run it by her tomorrow and see if she”s interested,” Jeremiah agrees after a moment.
We chat for a few more minutes, then Jeremiah ends the call when one of his guys needs him.
I toss my phone aside and stare at the ceiling, realization creeping over me. Every decision I make lately involves Claire.
And I like it.