23. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Parker
T he drive back to The Gem was long. Uncomfortable silence stretched between Madison and me. I waited for her to ask me about my marriage. It occurred to me that she might have been waiting for me to start that conversation. But I needed her to do it. Especially after she told me she didn’t care about my love life earlier that evening.
I needed to know she cared enough to ask.
Apparently she didn’t.
She remained silent and reserved up until the moment Mel’s eyes zeroed in on us in the lobby. That’s when her restraint transformed into an angry stomping.
A simple nod was all I gave Mel who probably thought I was insane. Not so long ago I told her I didn’t trust Madison and burdened her with the task of spying on her. And for a second time that night she saw me following her around. I had to talk to Mel again and end her special assignment.
We walked past the reception desk and continued towards our villas. Just as Madison was about to swing the door of the Pink Diamond open and no doubt escape me without a word. I grabbed her by the elbow and turned her around. She shook my hand off immediately, rage quite visible on her face.
She was still beautiful though. In a scary yet undeniable way.
Had I read the signs wrong?
The way she answered my kiss in her mother’s kitchen seemed genuine. Then she lost her shit and wanted to leave and I thought it was because of her mother’s behavior. I assumed she was into me as much as I was into her, but maybe she was disgusted by my closeness. Maybe she just needed us back here so I would stay away from her.
I placed one palm on the door right above her head, cornering her. As much as her face screamed murder, the heat of her body radiated towards mine. I needed to feel that heat under my palms.
My gaze dropped to her lips. They parted slightly for a moment, but then she pursed them together and crossed her arms over her chest. The movement only made me drop my eyes even lower. I had spent half the drive to her mother’s house semi-hard and fully distracted after I accidentally brushed my hand against the swell of her breast earlier in the lobby. She went on and on about Melany’s infatuation with me, while I imagined what it would feel like to glide my hands down her naked body.
I forced my eyes up to her face. Why did she have to be so gorgeous? Why didn’t her looks match her devilish personality? That would make things so much easier for the both of us.
“Why don’t you want to talk to me?”
“People usually avoid talking to someone they hate.”
I reached over and ran a tip of my forefinger from her cheek down to the corner of her mouth. “You might have hated me before, but now you simply hate that you want me.”
Madison slapped my hand away from her face. “Don't touch me.”
“That will be a challenge. I want to touch you everywhere.”
“That sounds like a you-problem.”
Removing my hand from the door, I stepped away from her. “This is hard for me, Madison. I want to explain, but if you don’t want to hear me, I will respect that. So you can go in there now,” I pointed at the door of The Pink Diamond. “Or you can come with me.”
I turned around and walked into The Blue Diamond, leaving the door wide open for her to enter. I sat on the couch, waiting for Madison to decide if she wanted us to have that conversation or not. Franny’s face stared at me from every wall and shelf in the room and I felt guilty I had invited another woman here, but I also needed Madison to know.
I took the remote and turned the TV on, playing the same thing I did almost every day. If I was about to tell my story to Madison, I might as well lay it all out there, right?
I fast-forwarded the video to where I wanted and paused it. Franny in her wedding gown laughing at something I had said, her head tilted back. I stood right next to her in a tux, my hands wrapped around her waist as I simply stared at her.
Madison’s footsteps thumped in the hallway, but I didn’t turn to look. Even though I was the one inviting her in here with the intention of telling her everything, it still felt like I was betraying Franny somehow by sharing our story. Logically I knew I should allow myself to move on, and yet the guilt still had a firm grip on me. Ryan had suggested therapy numerous times, but I hadn’t been ready to let go. I wasn’t sure I was ready now, but I wanted to be. That had to count for progress.
Madison stopped by the couch. I could see her in my periphery, but didn’t dare to glance at her, so I continued staring at the paused video.
“What happened to her?” She asked in her emotionless tone.
“She died.”
The silence stretched for a few long seconds before she spoke again.
“I'm so sorry,” she whispered quietly.
My eyes finally left the paused video and searched for hers. They were filled with sympathy and sadness.
“Thank you,” I said with a lump in my throat.
Madison rounded the couch and sat next to me. Grateful for the distance she left between our bodies, I finally looked at her. I couldn’t read her expression, but at least there wasn’t pity on it. I would hate for her to pity me.
“Do you watch it often?” She asked, pointing at the TV with her chin.
“I watch a particular part of it every day,” I confessed.
She nodded and seemed like she was deep in thought. Then she stood up abruptly and took a deep breath. “How about we make something to eat since we ditched the dinner at my mother’s and you play it for me from the beginning?”
“You want to watch my wedding video?” I asked, suspicious of her intentions.
“Of course I do. I’m a wedding planner. Weddings are my jam,” she said with a calm smile on her face. “Now, please tell me you have something edible in that fridge, because mine is empty.”
I lifted myself off the couch, walked over to the fridge and opened it wide. She burst out laughing. “I guess I’m not the only one that doesn’t cook. ”
“You’re not the only one that doesn’t cook,” I confirmed with a smile. “Take your pick.”
She examined the containers with different dishes that room service regularly brought me and took one out.
“You grab the plates and utensils, and I’ll heat this up,” she said and moved towards the oven.
“Fettuccine Alfredo?” I asked in mock horror. “What happened to your hatred towards carbs?” She didn’t laugh, just shrugged and turned her back to me.
Once the pasta was heated and plated, we settled back on the couch and I played the video from the beginning. We watched in silence for what seemed like eternity, while it actually was about thirty minutes. Franny looked radiant in her white dress, her laughter echoing through the room. Seeing her so full of life brought a bittersweet ache to my chest. I paused the video again on that same moment I played over and over again every day: Franny laughing in my arms.
“She really was your end game, wasn’t she?” Madison asked all of a sudden. “I can tell by the way you’re looking at her.”
Instead of making me feel bad, her words actually gave me a sense of being understood. People usually focused on making me forget Franny. On making me think about the future. About other women I could have a good life with. No one ever talked about how good we were together. Like it didn’t matter at all once she was dead. But it mattered to me. It would always matter to me.
I set my bowl down and turned to look at her. “Franny was incredible. Beautiful, kind, full of life. She had this energy that just drew people in. Everyone loved her. There was just no other way with her.”
Madison’s attention was on the video as she said. “I get it now. Why you didn’t want to have weddings here. Why you didn’t want to change the gardens. I can’t imagine how painful it must be to watch other people get married right where you married her.”
“It is. But it was Franny’s wish. Her father opened The Gem when she was little. She loved it so much, he told everyone that one day she would work at The Gem right along with him. He died her senior year in high school. Then Franny went to college, where we met. And a few years later, Jessica gave The Gem to us as a wedding gift.”
I didn’t have to explain the connection between Franny, Jessica, and Ryan, now that Madison had watched the video.
“Isn’t Ryan bitter about it? You’re running a hotel that his father built.”
“Ryan doesn’t care about the family business. But in case he ever changed his mind about running it, The Gem wasn’t their only location.”
“But he chose to stay here? With you?”
“I think he did it because of Franny, not me. She had big plans for this place. She wanted to focus more on weddings and less on vacationing celebrities. When she died, I concentrated on the business that was already working. I couldn’t handle the weddings. It was just too much.”
“You and Jessica seem close.”
It wasn’t a question but I felt the need to explain. “Ryan and Franny were close, but her death didn’t hit him the way it did Jessica.”
Madison nodded. “I don’t have kids, but I’m sure that losing a child is the worst thing that could happen to a parent.”
That was the moment to tell her about my son, but I didn’t. “Jess and I formed a connection over the shared loss. Ryan tried to tell us we were keeping each other in a constant state of grief. That it was unhealthy. But for a really long time, I felt like Jessica was the only one that understood how I felt. On a particularly bad day a few months ago, I accused her of wanting to keep me grieving forever, just to have someone to cry with. Not my finest moment. But I was angry and she was there and I took it out on her. But yes, to answer your question, Jessica and I are close. She’s like a second mother to me and my closest connection to Franny.”
Maybe I shouldn’t have said that to the woman I promised to kiss again tonight just a few hours ago, but that ship had sailed the moment she realized I had been keeping an entire marriage a secret from her.
Madison fidgeted in her spot. “And how…How did it happen? Was she in an accident?”
I shook my head. “Cancer. We found out a few months after the wedding.” I felt like I was letting Franny down by not talking about the baby but I just couldn’t do it. “She died before our first anniversary.”
Madison closed her eyes and shook her head. “I can’t imagine how much pain Clementine’s wedding must have caused you.”
I didn’t say anything because denying it would be a lie, but confirming it would only make Madison feel even worse. Back then she refused to take no for an answer; she didn’t know about my situation. She hadn’t done any of it to hurt me.
“I’m so sorry,” she continued. “I was such a bitch the entire time.”
I chuckled. “I can’t believe Madison Hartley just said a potty word.”
The pity in her eyes made me uncomfortable. Fortunately for me, she focused her gaze on the TV again. “What’s so special about this moment? I mean besides you two being obviously completely in love with each other.” She smiled an apologetic smile.
“She laughs at something I said. And I can’t remember what it was.”
“Does it matter?”
“The last months were a blur of pain and sadness. I tried to keep it together. I was so focused on not breaking down, I never made her laugh like that. She deserved better. ”
Shame about the way I resented Franny for choosing our son over me made it difficult for me to continue talking.
Madison must have felt that I needed a change of the subject. “She adored you. It’s obvious.”
“She was everything to me and I let her down.”
Madison reached out and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure you took good care of her.”
This empathy was so unlike her, I startled for a moment, but then I relaxed and patted her hand with mine, thinking about how her presence felt so unexpectedly easy in that moment.
I played the video again and watched it with a mixture of pain and warmth that flooded my heart as Franny laughed and smiled and cried with joy on the screen.
Madison didn't press further with questions or attempts to console me, probably sensing the emotional turmoil within me. Instead, she just remained there beside me.
As the video reached its end, I turned to Madison, catching her gaze. In that moment, the weight of grief felt a bit lighter and that only amplified my guilt about betraying Franny by inviting Madison her, by kissing her, by wanting to move on.
“You had a beautiful wedding,” she said quietly and I just nodded. “It’s late. I should go.”
We both got up and walked with her to The Pink Diamond, keeping my distance. Watching the wedding video kind of tampered with the way I felt about her earlier. If she had noticed the change, she didn’t acknowledge it at all. It was a bastard move on my part to kiss her and tell her that I wanted to touch her everywhere and then completely close off but I just couldn’t continue where we left off. It was like a switch was flipped.
“I want a new carpet now that the dog is finally gone. ”
My head snapped up and I realized we were standing in front of her door.
“What?” I asked, confused.
“You are buying me a new carpet, Wilson. That one stinks. Call it a Christmas gift if you want.”
I chuckled. “Are you buying me a Christmas gift?”
“You wish,” she snorted, then turned around, got into her villa and slammed the door in my face.
Thankful she got us back in a familiar territory, I slipped back into The Blue Diamond.