81. Pax
Chapter 81
Pax
T he chains release from my wrist and I drop to my knees, chest heaving with silent sobs of relief and guilt.
“Now we can really begin.”
I don’t understand what Finn means. We don’t have time to do this. “Please go get her. Please.”
“Thea’s fine.” Holden bites out.
I look up at him through blurry eyes. “Wha-What?”
Finn drags a chair across the room and helps Holden shove me into it. He disappears from my line of sight, returning a minute later with a bottle of water.
“Thea.” Holden repeats. “Is fine.”
But she’s not. “That call.”
“There was no call.” Finn rolls his eyes. “When have we ever gotten a signal in here?”
“But you. You-”
“Administered the second phase of the test to see if you were pure of heart. I guess you passed.” Finn shrugs, sounding a bit disappointed.
“I don’t understand.”
He sighs like I’m an idiot and maybe I am. “Pax, you’re a fucking brick wall. A vault, okay. And you’ve done a lot of questionable shit. You deserve each and every fucking mark on your body right now. But Holden has faith in you. More than I do and he’s been saying since last summer that something has been up with you. You didn’t want to talk to us, so we made you talk.”
He waves at the water bottle. “Drink. And fucking talk . This is the safest place to do it. That’s why we brought you here instead of to my warehouse.”
I open my mouth to speak and shut it. They both stare at me. We all have a choice. Only I didn’t have one. My father made a choice for me, and I’ve been doing the same for them. Maybe that wasn’t fair to them.
Looking down at my lap, I say, “My father is behind Thea’s arrest. I don’t know how he knew she stabbed Michael Pearse, but he did and he arranged for her to be picked up during her challenge.”
My jaw and body’s sore and the cuts on my flesh sting, but the discomfort is worth it. I’d always thought I could withstand torture. That I wouldn’t crack, but it’s a different experience when the people torturing you know you as well as you know yourself.
The guys kept me in the bunker for two days. Two endless days of fighting and sitting through Finn’s carving into me before I said something useful. I don’t even remember what it was, but Holden ran with it and worked out the plan to drug me and convince me Thea was in trouble.
Nothing else would have gotten me to speak. Only the fear that my father had her again. That fear and the drugs in my system made it easy for me to say what I haven’t been able to for all these months. It allowed me to admit that I’m father’s pawn. That I’m being forced to go along with his plan to marry Eloise.
I told them about the meeting I snuck into at The Tomb, and about the missing Rockridge patients that the FBI is looking into. I didn’t understand the look they shared, but me offering that bit of truth brought our time together to an end.
They dumped me back on the same corner they picked me up from, barely slowing the car down as Holden shoved me out. I haven’t seen them since.
I walk into class, taking in the faces of the students, but not really seeing any of them. I’m looking for just one. My relief is palpable when my gaze finally settles on her. I’m staring like a creeper, but I don’t care. I will never get tired of seeing her, even when it’s so painfully obvious that she’s displeased to see me.
I’m happy to see her, even though I can’t show it. My friends just tortured me because they think I betrayed her. They’ve proven they will break every promise they ever made to me, and throw away years of friendship for her. Despite all that, I’m glad that I get to see her glaring daggers at me.
As lonely as my current circumstances are, as much as I hate having to deal with Eloise, I’m willing to endure it. Endure being ostracized, and of being targeted if I’m ever caught out in town alone on challenges. I’m willing to lose points because Finn and Holden are distracted and following first year prospects through the woods. Because Thea, here and safe, hating me, is worth it.
I take my seat, but as I wait for the lecture to begin, my attention is solely on where she’s sitting on the other side of the room. It’s as far away from me as she can get. I don’t blame her. I hate it. But I understand. My father is the reason she lost nine months of her life. Me and my family are the reason her time here has been so difficult. I’m gonna make it up to her. I don’t know how. But I will.
Thea swivels in her seat and bends to get something from her bag. Her gaze snags on mine as she straightens. I’m staring at her and I refuse to look away. She’s here, and I get to stare. I didn’t know if I ever would again.
I’m being reckless. Any of the students in this class could be reporting on me, but that doesn’t stop me from winking at her, which only pisses her off even more. I chuckle when she turns away; the smile remains on my face as the teacher comes in and starts the class. It’s the first time I’ve smiled, the first time I’ve had anything to laugh at since all this shit started. I haven’t completely unburdened my soul of all my secrets, but clearing the air about Thea, that’s enough.
Class goes by quickly. Too quickly. I’d be content to sit here for another hour just to be in the same room as her. Does that make me sound like a wimp? Maybe, but I don’t give a fuck. Thea was meant to be mine. I still think of her as mine.
Finn, Holden and I are a mess, but I hope our little torture experience was enough to convince them I’m still on their side. Somehow, I’ll prove that to Thea, too. Somehow I’ll get out of this situation I’m in, and I’ll make her agree to being mine again.
As the class dismisses, I’m confronted with one of the obstacles that’s making my reconciliation with Thea difficult. Eloise. She’s cunning and always looking for ways to exploit people and situations so that she comes out on top. She’d exploit me if I let her. But I’ll never fall for the looks and touches, the pouty attempts at seduction and insistence that she wants our union to be real. I know there’s only one reason she agreed to this arrangement. Power. The only way to amass more power than what a marriage to me would offer is to marry all of us.
I stare at her. Is this why she’s going along with it, when she still pretends to be hung up on Finn? Shit. That would explain so much. It would also explain why she’s feels so threatened by Thea. Why she works so hard to destroy her.
Thea had all of our attention from the beginning, even when I didn’t want her. When I wouldn’t even think about wanting her. When I couldn’t. No, when I wouldn’t admit that I wanted her. Thea thought we were crazy to offer her a life with all three of us. She didn’t understand how it would work, but Eloise’s father would know, and he’d have been in the perfect position to coach his daughter into being the first woman to bind a Trium together. Too bad she’s as palatable as a plate of steaming dog shit.
I notice an awkward bit of silence has coated the almost empty classroom. Eloise is standing directly in Thea’s path, staring at her like she’s a pile of steaming shit. Thea doesn’t move or go around. She walks straight ahead and Eloise gets shoulder checked for her trouble. I might have to play the game, but Thea doesn’t.
I quickly hide the smile on my face when Eloise swings her attention to me, as if she’s expecting me to say something about what just happened. She’s lucky I don’t shoulder check her other side. Maybe I should ask the guys to take her to Finn’s warehouse. A little snatch and grab like they did to me, to find out what she’s hiding.
I massage my bruised jaw. Holden did not hold back. They got me talking, but they know something, too. The look they shared when I mentioned Rockridge and the missing patients; That wasn’t a look of surprise. It was the loaded look of we’ve got another puzzle piece falling into place.
I inhale gingerly, so as not to aggravate my healing wounds and taped side. The oxygen fills my lungs to bursting and I hold my breath, feeling one twine of my father’s hold on me loosening as I slowly exhale to the count of twenty.
Lying to my friends has always been the hardest part of this. Dealing with Eloise? Having to tie myself to her. That’s nothing. I can endure this forever, as long as Finn and Holden know my actions were not a power grab.