Chapter 12
A TOTAL MASOCHIST
Lexi
A week later, and I’d somehow magically been able to avoid Killian.
Thank fuck Rocks for Jocks was in a giant auditorium.
That, and I’d been beyond vigilant to be sure to sit at the opposite side of the room every time.
He was obviously doing the same. Still, I couldn’t help but notice the occasional prickle of my scalp when he cast a narrowed glare in my direction.
Asshole.
“What’s got you all twisted?” Cordelia nudged me in the side as we traipsed across campus, an icy sting in the air. “You always get all cagey when we go to this class.”
I hadn’t told her about Killian. Somehow, I knew saying the words out loud would make them feel too real. For now, I preferred to live in my happy little bubble of denial. That was how I’d survived that incident on the side of the highway all those years ago. If it wasn’t broken, why fix it, right?
Cordelia’s face appeared in front of me, eyes wide. “Um, hello? You with me?”
“Yeah, sorry,” I muttered. “I’m just stressed about class...” I also hadn’t spoken to Papá for more than a few hurried minutes since my arrival, and I felt horrible about ignoring him. I just couldn’t find the courage to tell him about Killian either.
“Stressed about Geology?”
I laughed. “No, not that. This is my easy class.” Or at least, it was supposed to be, but the idea of seeing Kill again had my damned stomach in knots.
“Hey, ladies!” Micah raced toward us, that easy smile stretched across his face. I’d missed him.
I hadn’t seen my friend outside of class this week either. Between hiding out from Killian and trying to keep up with my workload, I’d been a total recluse. He’d been texting me for days claiming he had super important news he had to tell me in private, but somehow our schedules never synced up.
“What’s up, Preston?” Cordelia offered my friend a flirty smile. “Stalker much?”
He shook his head and diverted his attention to me. “Could I borrow you for a second, Lexi?”
My roommate cocked a brow, mischievous gaze darting between both of us. “Are you guys hooking up? Was he the mystery guy—”
I shot Cordi a glare, my head whipping back and forth.
“What guy?” Micah’s warm smile faltered, and I wanted to shove my foot into Cordi’s big mouth.
I’d never told her much about that night at the Sigma Delta house, other than I’d met some guy after her continuous hounding. There wasn’t much to tell anyway. I had no idea who the masked stranger was.
“Just some guy who kept me company while Cordelia left me to hook up with some frat guy.” I shrugged innocently.
“It was a masquerade party, Lex. Like I was going to pass up the chance at some anonymous hook up.”
I rolled my eyes, hard. But a twinge of guilt unfurled in my gut.
I’d done the exact same thing. Sure, I hadn’t fucked the guy, but would I have if that scream hadn’t interrupted us?
His hot mouth still ghosted over mine, the memories of those hands digging into my skin still permanently branded in my mind.
Yeah, I definitely would’ve let him play out whatever depraved fantasy spun in that beautiful, twisted head of his.
“Well, it’s a good thing pre-med here isn’t as free-spirited as you.” Micah swung his arm across my shoulder.
He has no idea who you are. A dark voice slithered to the surface.
Cordi and I weren’t that different at all. The only distinction was my roommate didn’t give a shit what people thought of her, while I kept my demons buried far beneath the surface.
“I got in,” Micah whispered across the shell of my ear. Apparently, he couldn’t wait until we were alone.
“What?” I screeched.
“Okay, I’m going to let you two go make out or whatever.” Cordi shot me a smirk. “I’ll see you in class.”
“Far left of the auditorium!” I called out behind her.
“Got it!”
The moment Cordelia was out of earshot, I took a fistful of Micah’s preppy button-down and dragged him beneath the shade of a willow tree. His glasses slipped all the way to the tip of his nose. “What did you do?”
“I’m officially pledging the Sigma Delts. I had my dad pull some strings, and he got me in. I was lucky because some guy dropped out, otherwise I never would’ve been considered for this semester. Even with my dad’s hefty donation.”
Must be nice to be rich.
I kept that little thought to myself though because Micah had been nothing but nice since my arrival. Unlike all the other students I’d brushed shoulders with. As of now, he and Cordelia were my only friends at this school.
Which was fine. I’d never been one of those girls who needed a big group of friends. I’d had Killian, and that had been enough. Until everything went to shit. Then I’d sworn off everyone else because it wasn’t worth the hurt when it all fell apart.
“Did you hear me, Lexi?”
“Yeah, sorry.” I shook my head out, loosening the dark thoughts of the past that always found a way in when I least wanted them to. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Ever since that night, I’d grilled Cordelia on everything she knew about the Sigma Delts, and none of it was good.
Apparently, a ton of weird shit had gone down at the fraternity over the past few years, but just like whatever happened to that girl last week, it had been swept under the rug.
The guilt for not speaking up still haunted me.
I spent most nights tossing and turning, replaying those moments in the hallway.
Why did I freeze up? I should’ve just gone in there and done something.
“Don’t worry, I got this, pre-med.” He gave me a reassuring smile, and the knot of dread loosened a smidge. “I’m finally putting my investigative skills to good use. What good reporter wouldn’t go undercover to snag the story?”
“I just don’t want you to get hurt. That house seems more like a cult than a fraternity.”
“Aw, I’m honored you care so much.” Micah leaned in and cupped my cheek, his thumb softly brushing my skin. “If you want, we can go make out now.” A cheeky grin split his lips, and I jabbed my elbow into his gut.
“I have to get to class, Micah. Dinner tonight?”
“Wish I could, but I’ve got pledge stuff.” He dropped his voice to a sinister whisper. “Maybe they’ll make me dig up my own grave or something.”
“Don’t even kid about that,” I hissed. Not when some girl had just mysteriously disappeared.
“Relax, I’ll be fine.” He inched closer and brushed a quick kiss to my cheek. Before I had a chance to react, he spun on his heel and jogged toward the walkway. “See you later, Lexi.”
My hand lifted to my cheek and swept over the spot his lips had been. The kiss was sweet, barely a peck. I liked Micah. He was great. He was good looking, smart, caring and funny, and exactly the type of guy I should want to be with.
Then why hadn’t I even felt a spark?
Ugh. Because you’re fucked in the head. Obviously.
I trudged up the pathway to Davenport Auditorium, my eyes fixed on that name. If Killian attended this school, that meant this room and all the others across campus were named after his twisted stepfather. Why the hell did I come here again?
A shudder crawled up my spine as I barreled through the front doors.
It didn’t matter. He couldn’t hurt me; no one could anymore.
I’d made sure of that when I’d built those sky-high, impenetrable walls around my heart and filled the vacant hole with meaningless, questionable sex in the year that followed.
That man had stolen everything away from me that morning, but I’d been in control from that day forward.
As I crossed the threshold, the cold air of the massive auditorium lifted the hair on my arms. Goosebumps raced across my skin, but that carnal reaction had nothing to do with the temperature.
I could feel that scorching gaze licking up the side of my face.
Don’t look. Don’t you dare fucking look at him.
I looked. Because I was a total masochist.
Killian’s glare razed over me like a heat-seeking missile. Even from all the way across the room, I could feel it. Like tiny daggers stabbing at my wounded heart and soul.
He’d been my everything.
I curled my fingers into tight fists and ripped my gaze away from his. Scanning the left side of the auditorium, I searched for Cordi. She shot up from her seat and waved me down, her short black bob swinging across her face.
“Don’t get too comfortable, students. Today, I’ll be pairing you off for your semester-long project. Your assignment will be to study one of the world’s seven major tectonic plates, visit a location along the Faultline and present a report to the class.”
A wave of groans reverberated across the space. Visit? Was he serious? The closest one to the university was clear across the country off the coast of California—or maybe the one in the Caribbean would be slightly closer... I pondered the distances as I shuffled over to sit beside Cordelia.
“Can he really make us go to one of these sites?” The plane ticket alone would be astronomical.
“Yup.” She popped the P like she was blowing bubble gum. “That’s one of the reasons everyone takes this class. An educational reason to get mommy and daddy to fork out big bucks for a school trip.” She shot me a shit-eating grin. “I’m totally going to Indonesia.”
“Well, my broke ass can’t afford any of these places.” I slammed my textbook on the desk and scowled.
“I’m sorry, girl. You should talk to Mrs. Snyder in the financial aid department. Maybe your scholarship can fund it somehow?”
“Doubtful.”
The professor started listing names, and a seed of dread unfurled in my gut. What if I got partnered with one of those horrible girls I’d seen around the café? Like Lorelei or Ashleigh. All they’d done was throw hateful glares since my arrival.
“He wouldn’t flunk me if I can't afford to go on this stupid trip, right?” I whispered.
“No, I’m sure he can’t.”
“Cordelia Chesson and Sophie Madigan,” the professor called out.
Cordi rolled her eyes, dramatically, and grabbed her backpack. “Ugh, wish me luck. Sophie’s a total bitch.”
“Sorry.” I threw her a reassuring smile. “Maybe you can take separate planes.” I snorted on a laugh. Indonesia was a long ass flight from Copper Cove.
“Alexis Vega and...” The laughter died in my throat as I waited for the second name to be announced. “...Killian Davenport.”
No. No. No. My stomach plummeted. Sweat beaded across my brow. I sank my head onto the desk and let out a string of curses that probably had my mom turning in her grave.
Why the hell did I ever come to this university?