Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
DEAN
“ W hat do you want, Diego?” I snap the moment I hear Juliette step under the spray of the water.
I left the door unlocked just in case she needed help. I’d probably be inside now if it weren’t for this asshole on the phone.
“What the fuck are you doing with Chimera’s phone? Where is she? Did you hurt her?”
“Are you fucking stupid? I would never hurt her. She’s the love of my life.”
“I can’t imagine she’d be attracted to someone like you.”
“Fuck off. Did you want something, or can I hang up now?”
“I need to hire her for a job.”
I suck in a breath. “She’s not taking any jobs right now. She’ll have to call you back when she is.”
“It’s an emergency.”
“She’s having her own emergency,” I grind out. “It’s not happening, Ortiz. She’ll let you know when she’s open for business again.”
Not wanting to hear another word, I hang up. At least that’s one piece of the puzzle solved. Her signal bounced from Columbia because she’s working for Diego Ortiz. I’m uneasy about her working for him. I worry about what other kinds of people she’s involved with. If she had just called Declan, he’d given her any amount of money she wanted, as long as he knew she was safe. He’s been worried she’s been dead or something.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had the same worry a dozen times over the years. But I always trusted that I’d know if she was gone. That I’d feel her soul leaving the earth as if it were my own.
Blowing out a breath, I plop into the chair opposite the bed. The squeaky thing swivels with my weight. My heart is beginning to relax after pulling up to her home, which was going up in flames. For a minute, I thought I lost my son.
It’s starting to feel like fate is taunting me. Dangling the people I love most before me and ripping them away the moment I get close. It’s stressing me the hell out. I just want to get us past these obstacles so we can reach the good part – being a family. Being together.
Holding her outside the house earlier was just what I needed. A balm to the fractured, jagged parts of me. It was what she needed too. But I know she noticed Warren’s reaction.
The poor girl must be confused right now. But I’m not sure how to help her. PJ probably isn’t feeling much better, and I’m even more at a loss on how to help him. I should call my grandfather and tell him about the fire, but I don’t have the energy right now.
I lie back and close my eyes, hoping Juliette will want a nap because I need one. Bad. But there’s no way I’ll sleep if she’s awake—not after what happened. I focus on the sounds of her shower to keep me awake. I can only hear the water running, but my imagination fills in the rest. After all, I’ve taken plenty of showers with Juliette. I remember how her long hair would cling to her porcelain skin, usually covering her pretty petal-pink nipples, but I would never let that last long. Those pert little things are some of my favorite parts of her, but I love all of her so it’s hard to have a clear favorite.
My cock starts to harden as I remember how I would get on my knees and worship her like the queen she is. Her pussy always tasted so good. I could hardly go a day without having her taste on my tongue.
“Dean,” her voice yanks me back from my lusty nostalgia.
I crack open an eye and gasp. As I take her in, with both eyes wide open, my cock goes from semi-hard to full-blown, harder than granite. Juliette is standing in the doorway of the bathroom. Her towel is wrapped around her still-wet body. She’s got her hair twisted up in another towel too.
“What?” I croak.
It comes out harsher than I mean it, but Juliette isn’t fazed.
“I wasn’t sure if you were asleep. I’m just going to grab some clothes. Mom said they had it stocked ahead of time for us.”
“Funny what money can get you.”
“Right,” she laughs.
It’s impossible not to watch her move across the room. Thank fuck it’s towards me. The chair sits on the opposite side of the dresser, though the dresser is closer to the wall than the chair I’m occupying.
As she gets closer, a sweet, vanilla scent washes over me. It makes me hungry—for a very different type of dessert than vanilla cake. Water drips off her body onto the hardwood as she pulls a drawer open. A pink tint overtakes her cheeks when she realizes I’m watching her. She pulls out a simple white thong and a long gray T-shirt.
Oh god, knowing she won’t be wearing shorts under that is going to kill me. Might as well put my dick in a medieval torture device. Sleeping next to her tonight will be impossible. But am I going to give up a chance to do it? Hell no. Not even if I have to chain my goddamn hands to the headboard. I’m sleeping in the same bed as Juliette, and I’ll do it without touching her.
Juliette suddenly drops her towel. It lands like a rock on the ground. My mouth goes dry. I grip the arms of the chair.
“Are you trying to kill me?” I grit out.
“Not sure what you mean,” she says. “I’m just getting changed.”
As she turns to face me, my knuckles turn white. Her tits are even more magnificent than I remember. Her nipples have darkened over the years, making my mouth water even more.
My dick leaks pre-cum from the tip, dripping onto my thighs. Juliette must notice the outline because her eyes zero in on it. She licks her pretty pink lips. My cock jerks in response, wishing her tongue was on him. But that can’t happen.
“Get dressed, bluebird. You know we can’t. I told you that.”
“But,” she starts.
“No.”
I leave little room for argument, even though her pout slices through me. I hate being the bad guy here, but I’m firm on my position. I will not do that with her until she’s in her right mind. Her true mind. Right now, I’m really fucking hating my position, no matter how necessary it is.
Juliette leans down to slide her panties on. My breath halts. The move gives me an even better angle of her tits. Fuck, those beautiful things could start thousand-year wars. I know I’d kill a thousand men just to look at them.
She huffs a breath as she rights herself. I know she doesn’t like my answer, but someday soon she’s going to thank me. Hopefully. Or she might dislike me more. Honestly, you never can tell with a McBride.
I want to whimper as she pulls the shirt over her head, hiding her body from me. It’s for the best, but damn, why do we always want the best? Why can’t I be villain enough to take what she’s offering? I don’t know, but it doesn’t change the fact that I just can’t.
“Will you tell me what happened?” she asks.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? You’ll have your memories soon.”
“I want to know what happened. Why I left,” she repeats. “Please.”
“Okay,” I give in. “Get in the bed and cover up. I’m going to change and then I’ll tell you what you want to know.”
No matter how nervous it makes me, it may be my only real chance to get Juliette to really listen to my side, to see my perspective. Maybe it will bring her some clarity. She’ll remember all of this once she regains her memories. I hope that’s right because I’m sort of banking on it.
I grab a super-quick shower and slip on some gray sweatpants. Call me petty, but I don’t put a shirt on. If she wants me to be wild with need, well, then I’ll do the same. When I come out of the bathroom with damp hair, Juliette is lying in the bed waiting—just like I asked.
“Good girl,” I murmur as I climb into the bed with her.
I don’t have to see her to know her cheeks are red. She always loved my praise, and I always loved to give it. Nice to know things haven’t really changed.
Juliette lays her head on my chest and sighs. “God, you’re warm.”
“Thank you?”
“It feels nice,” she says, relaxing further. “Tell me the story before I fall asleep.”
“Okay, okay.”
A rough chuckle goes through me. I swear it makes her scoot even closer to me. All I can think about is how much I fucking missed this. How I’m never letting this girl go.
“What do you want to know?”
“Why did I leave?”
“Well, that’s a complicated situation, but I’ll do my best.”
“Okay…” she murmurs.
I can feel her anxiety, so I tangle my fingers in her hair and start petting her scalp.
“That night, I came home and overheard you on the phone. It sounded like you told another man you loved him.”
Juliette raises her head, her eyes narrowing at me. “Excuse me? That doesn’t sound like me.”
I shrug. “It’s what I thought I heard. I know now I was wrong, but still.”
“Okay, so what did you hear me say?”
“Baby, I love you.”
She cringes. “I can see why that would bother you.”
“Yeah, so anyway, you came to find me in the dining room later. Said you wanted to tell me something.” A wave of guilt washes over me as I remember how dismissive I was to her. “I wouldn’t let you talk.”
I have to pause before the lump in my throat turns to tears. Juliette lays her head back down as if to offer me comfort. It helps.
“I wouldn’t hear you out, and I told you we were a mistake. That we shouldn’t be together.”
She gasps. “No.”
“Yeah,” I swallow. “I was a total asshole, and I’m sorry. I know now how wrong I was.”
“Why wouldn’t you just talk to me? Trust me?”
A shaky exhale is on my lips. “I don’t know, babe. When I was a kid, my mom cheated on my dad a lot. One of her affair partners killed him, under her orders. I guess hearing what I thought was cheating just sent me into blind impulse.”
My heart sinks like an anchor as tears hit my bare skin. Shit. I’ve made her cry. Why do I always do that? I swear, I only ever want to make her happy. So why am I so bad at it?
“I’m sorry that happened to you,” she whispers. “But I don’t think it was a good enough reason to break my heart.”
“You’re right.”
I acted like a fucking idiot. I never should’ve said those words to her.
“What happened next?”
“You were gone by dawn the next day. I couldn’t find you until a week ago now. Fuck, maybe two weeks. All the days blur together.”
“Where?”
“Where did I find you?”
I feel her nod against my chest.
“Outside the airport in Dublin. You were picking up Arnie; I was being led out by police.”
“What did you do?”
“Well, I’m officially charged with drunk and disorderly.”
Depends on the flight attendant if assault charges get tacked on. But I’m prepared for it to happen. I mean, it’s only right.
“Okay, and after that?”
“Well, I thought PJ was your son with Arnie, but my grandpa and I came to your house. You told me the truth, that he’s mine. And I didn’t handle it so well.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I freaked out. Not so proud of it.”
She giggles and yawns. “I guess I get it. It would be a big thing to find out suddenly. But I think I understand why I ran now too. That would’ve killed me. It makes me worry about who I am now. Am I okay?”
Juliette, always the more thoughtful, more self-aware one. She needs to understand everything she can about herself. When she’s back to herself, her psychology-addicted brain will dissect this entire experience and analyze it.
“I’m not sure, babe,” I tell her honestly. “I think you’re trying really hard to be.”
“But I’m failing?”
“No, you’re just finding your way in a new life.”
“Whatever you say.”
She yawns again. I lean down and kiss the top of her head. My own body feels heavy and ready to sink into a long stretch of sleep.
“Let’s take a nap, bluebird.”
“Yes, please.”
Juliette leans up, her blue eyes clashing with mine. “I don’t know what’s going on anymore, Dean. But I want you to know that right now, right here, I love you.”
Her words wash over me. I close my eyes, tears escaping that I can’t stop.
“I love you too.”
We come together in a passionate and frenzied kiss, one that I have to slow down when she wraps a hand around my clothed dick.
“We need sleep.”
“Fine,” she grumbles. “I’m tired anyway.”
She’s annoyed too, but she settles on my chest and falls asleep. Her little snores fascinate me as I feel my body relax. I hope like hell I wake up to this side of her. I’m not ready to give this all up. I finally have it again; I’m not sure I would survive losing all of her all over again. But no one ever told me how dangerous hope could be, how hope could make the dreams shatter all the harder.