Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
JULIETTE
A pprehension churns in my gut. Everyone is finally having a good time. They’re relaxed thanks to PJ. Now would be the perfect time to announce I’m moving home. But I’m so nervous—mostly about how PJ will feel.
I nibble at the pizza on my plate. Normally, I’d be all over this, but eating is the last thing on my mind right now. I’ve got so much to do, so much to figure out. Moving countries is a lot harder when you’re moving more than just one person.
PJ is rattling off something about dinosaurs when Vivienne throws her napkin at his plate.
“Whammy,” she says, tossing her arms up before remembering she’s hurt.
“How old are you?” PJ asks. “No one says whammy anymore.”
The entire table breaks into a roar of laughter. I think my mom might have spit her Coke all over Kane. But my eyes are too blurry with tears to see straight.
It feels good to laugh. Even better that it’s with my family and the man I love. My heart is happy here—content, and that’s all I have ever wanted.
“You’re mean,” Vivienne fakes a pout.
“It’s true.”
PJ is not one to let others have the last word. He’s like a mini lawyer sometimes, arguing until he’s blue in the face—even if he knows he’s wrong.
“Get your kid,” Vivienne says to me.
I roll my eyes at her before looking at PJ next to me. “Are you done with your food?”
He nods. “Want to go out on the balcony and look at the city?”
His eyes light up. I can’t get over how much he looks like Dean. PJ is out of his seat before he says anything. I laugh at how excited he is.
Looking back at Dean, I say, “I’ll be right back.”
“I’ll wait for you, gorgeous. Good luck.”
He kisses my nose before giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. My pussy flares to life even after the night we had. She doesn’t care she had a gazillion orgasms last night; she wants more. But it’s not the time.
I follow PJ out to the balcony. It’s big enough to hold a small patio table with two chairs. The railing is short enough that you can see the entire city from here. PJ loves it out here. The sun has disappeared from the sky, but it’s not quiet dark yet.
His eyes are glued to all the pretty lights and the cars moving through life.
“Hey, buddy?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I talk to you for a quick second? I want to ask you something.”
“I didn’t break the vase in the lamp. Kane did.”
“What? What vase?”
PJ cringes. “I don’t know. You had a question?”
“Don’t think we’re not going to circle back to that, okay?”
He sighs, nodding.
“How would you feel if we moved?”
“What do you mean? Like out of Pops’ house?”
“Yeah, I was thinking of moving to Vegas. Where I’m from.”
“Where grandma lives?”
“Yes. Where grandma lives and two of my siblings.”
“How far away is it?”
“It’s pretty far away, buddy.”
I don’t want to lie to the kid.
“Vegas is in another country altogether.”
“Would I still be able to see Pops and Margot?”
“Yes, maybe not as often. But we can fly out to visit.”
“Would Dad go with us?”
“Yes, of course, Dad would come with us.”
“What about Uncle Warren?”
I’m not sure how to answer that other than to tell my son I have no idea because I don’t.
“No,” Warren answers from the doorway. “Uncle Warren won’t be coming to Vegas, champ.”
PJ’s shoulders deflate. But I’m not surprised. I highly doubt Warren will ever want to be in the same country as Declan again. If I had to guess, he’s barely tolerating it now. I know firsthand how much he hates our older brother.
“Sorry,” Warren says, touching PJ’s shoulder. “But don’t worry. I’ll visit you and you’ll visit me.”
“You promise? We’re supposed to go Hot Wheels shopping.”
“We’ll do that before you leave, I promise.”
PJ gives him a big smile before running inside. Warren fixes his eyes on me.
“You’re going home?”
Besides PJ, I was most nervous to tell Warren. I’m not sure how he will handle it. But also, how is he going to handle me leaving? I’m his only support system.
“Yes,” I reply.
His face tells me nothing about how he feels, but that’s nothing new. He’s always been a blank slate.
“I’m happy for you,” he finally says. “If you’re happy, that is.”
“I am. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little worried about you.”
Warren moves toward me, taking the other chair. “You don’t need to worry about me. I’ve got the church now. That will keep me on the straight and narrow.”
“You sure?”
He nods. “Trust me. Jacoby and the rest of the guys will make sure I’m good. We look out for each other. I’ll be okay.”
I look out toward the city I’ve called home for so long. It’s a distant hum but alive and well beneath us.
“It’s funny how fast life can change, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it is. You’ve been through a lot.”
“We both have,” I answer.
A cool breeze floats through the balcony, making the tears streaming down my face feel colder. I thought I’d feel more at ease once I spoke to PJ and Warren. And I guess, on some level, I do. But the decision doesn’t come lightly; a sadness threads through me as I think about leaving this place.
This is the city where I had my first baby, where I learned how to be an adult. I have so many memories here, but every one of them is tainted by what happened.
“Maybe the best thing for you is to go home,” Warren says.
“I think so. It’s just hard to let go of this place—to say goodbye—there are so many good memories.”
“But?”
“I don’t feel safe here anymore. I’m not sure I ever will.”
“I can understand that, Juliette. It’s going to be okay though. You can start over in Vegas. With Dean and PJ.”
“That’s the plan.”
As nervous as I am to move, I’m ready. I’m ready to heal because Dean and PJ deserve the best version of me. I’m ready to rebuild.
“You’ll be fine,” Warren says. “All of you. You’re stronger than you think. If you take anything away from Arnie, let it be that he showed you how strong you’ve always been.”
There’s a lump in my throat. I swallow around it, trying to push away the tears threatening to spill over again.
“Thanks for always being my rock.”
He shrugs as if it’s no big deal. But it is to me. For six long years, Warren has been all I’ve had. Sure, I could always call my mom if I needed something, but Warren was in the trenches with me. If PJ got sick, Warren wouldn’t leave his side until he was healthy. He has been there for every single up and down. I can’t imagine him not being with us anymore, but I know it’s for the best.
Even though he’s been my rock, I’ve noticed the cracks in him. He needs time and space to piece himself back together after everything. But something tells me those cracks run deeper than I could ever imagine.
I stand, opening my arms. Warren envelops me in a tight hug. A few tears manage to fall before I can hold them back. I’m going to miss my big brother.
“Call me if anything happens. I’ll be there to get you and PJ the minute that Walsh fucker does anything.”
I can’t help but laugh in his arms. “Why do you assume he’s going to do anything?”
“Big brother intuition. Just know, I’ll be here if you ever need me.”
I meet his eye, pulling back from him. “I know.”
“Keep an eye on PJ for me, Red.”
“You know I will.”
With that, my brother leaves me on the balcony alone with my thoughts—questions spinning around my mind like wordy ballerinas. There’s no way for me to know for sure if I’m making the right choice, but that’s where faith comes in. Granted, I’ve never been great at trusting, but what could it hurt at this point?
“You ready, Bluebird?” Dean calls from the sliding door. “It’s getting dark.”
He’s leaning against the frame with his hands stuffed into his jean pockets. Love washes over me just looking at him. The warmth is instantaneous, like a reflex. It’s just natural.
“Yeah, let’s go.”
“Did I tell you how gorgeous you look tonight?”
“Only a dozen times,” I reply as I reach him.
He leans down, pressing our lips together. “Just making sure.”
We say goodbye to my family before piling into the elevator and leaving the lobby. By the time we reach the parking lot, PJ is teeming with excitement.
“Come on,” he says. “Let’s go. Pops said he would take me to the gym tonight.”
“When did you talk to Pops?”
“He called while you were talking to Warren,” Dean explains.
My mouth forms a small O. No wonder he’s so excited. That gym has become his safe place. We’re going to have to find him something like it in Vegas.
Dean pulls his passenger door open for us. PJ slides into the back while I sit in the passenger seat, knowing I’m going to scoot across the bench the moment Dean gets in. And I do. He’s barely turned the engine on before I’m glued to his side. But I can’t help it.
The leather creaks as we settle into our seats. With the feeling of Dean beside me and PJ’s excited chatter from the backseat, it’s all I need in this moment. As we drive off into the night, all I can think about is how this ending feels a lot like a beginning.