Chapter 11 - Liv
CHAPTER 11 - LIV
Decisions locked in. Fate reversed. The Lunar goddess granted me my wish… with Dash Lumbry, of all people. For the briefest moment, I floated amid resurrected dreams of ending up with the man who owned my heart… until he dashed them with his obsession to save this Whitney woman and circumvent a union with me. Feral with jealousy, my shewolf hungered to claw her eyes out. His too. Add to the trail of blood he left from punching his fist through my ribcage and ripping my heart out.
“We’ll talk tomorrow.” Ash Lumbry locked palms with my father and shook on their deal.
“I’m relieved they’re matched.” Father clapped Ash on the shoulder and saw him to the door. “That Liv won’t go to that son of a bitch.”
Matched. What a farce. Allegiances only. Duty, not love. A-godamn-gain. Deals I wanted no part in. Give me bruises, cuts, and burns on my body from TJ. Anything but ending up with the man I loved going home to another woman, his heart hers.
Four years on, I finally got the closure I sought. Dash stood me up at the Harvest Dance because his heart belonged to another. Heartless bastard played me. My shewolf cried out to know why. Me, I didn’t want to know.
On rare occasions, Lunar matches failed, and partners swapped for whatever reason. Add my disastrous pairing to the list.
I felt like an idiot for getting my hopes up. Claws raked through my chest that he never had space in his heart for me. Every time I trusted Dash damn Lumbry I came out scarred! He always let me down when it counted.
Heart numb, I moved behind Father, adhering to custom, respecting another pack and seeing them off. My shewolf howled to run to my sister, tuck her into my arms, hold her, cry together, scream, rant, eat ice cream and watch funny movies until dawn. I reassured my wolf this business would be concluded shortly.
Cold, abysmal darkness met me outside on the porch where Father paused by the railing, watching his contemporary. Rain soaked the ground, and Ash’s boots sloshed in it as he leaped into his waiting Toyota pickup truck. Engines hummed to life, three motorcycles adding to the groaning sky.
The sky thundered like my tripping pulse, my helplessness growing by the hour. Lightning striking the heavens fried every nerve in my body. Wind blew the water at an angle that peppered my face and neck. Rebellious thoughts tempted me to run and hide with Rylie wherever my brother kept her. Leave a mess of arranged marriages for everyone else to clean up. The sensible bitch in me objected, demanding I stay and see this through out of duty. Fuck duty.
Dash and three of his men remained behind while Ash Lumbry departed, escorted by his enforcer, Steele, and another man I didn’t know by name. The move spoke of the power Dash commanded within his pack or the allegiance his men showed him as president of their motorcycle club. Rules I didn’t care to understand.
Father’s hand relaxed on my shoulder. “Go and talk with your mate. Make plans for your union.”
That heartless wolf didn’t want a union with me, coming up with every excuse under the sun to get out of it. Sure, potential war with a rival and the pack’s safety were valid reasons for debate… what little consideration there was. The part of me that clung to the hope he cared for me reasoned that if he loved me, he wouldn’t have a single hesitation. My Lunar mate would move the moon and stars to make our match work. Venom pulsed in my heart, and if I didn’t clear it out, I risked it leaking into the rest of me, burning through my veins like acid.
“You heard him, he doesn’t want this union,” I whisper-hissed. “Just like his buddy, Steele.”
Dash glanced up, and I hosed him with fire in my eyes.
Father’s grasp tightened. “Objection to war doesn’t mean he doesn’t want you as his mate. It’s time to leave the past behind, Liv.”
The past.
What a sucker punch to the gut. I let my fear of rejection and mistrust rule me. I barely dated, fucked a few guys here and there, nothing serious, and definitely didn’t get to know a single one beyond a name and what they liked to drink.
Father patted me on the shoulder despite the bitter resentment dissolving our pack link. “Goodnight, daughter.” He excused himself, his footsteps retreating, the door creaking closed.
I should have left too. Marched right past the Lumbrys to my cabin. Icy fingers wrapped around my body, freezing my legs to the spot, and I cradled my arms across my chest.
Dash met my gaze, his eyes smoky, daring me to claw the perfect jewels out. “Give me a minute.”
His men grunted and cleared away to the opposite end of Father’s porch to give us privacy.
He moved away from his bike, coming to the foot of Father’s stairs. “Liv, can we speak in private?”
Heat rose in me, thawing my locked muscles. Like hell was I opening the door to more pain. I’d hit my threshold tonight. Preempting what Dash wanted to say, I charged down the stairs, steering myself to my cabin where Heather and a tub of ice cream waited. The one constant in my life who didn’t sell me out for gain.
Rain saturated my hair on the hundred-feet march to my cabin, trickling down my neck, moistening my dress, the cold pebbling my nipples.
“Liv?” Dash’s longer legs caught up in a matter of strides and he swiveled in front of me, stonewalling my path three times. Each time, I sidestepped him. Finally, he got his way, obstructing my front door with his large frame.
Dammit. No one compared to his defiant beauty. Grey eyes that dissolved into smoke when angry or determined. Hair shorn short on the sides, longer on top, enough to curl over his forehead and tempt a girl to coil it around her fingers. Smooth, creamy skin in opposition for a man who worked the land and with bikes. Sinful, succulent lips that held my gaze captive, spinning me with the urge to brush them against mine and remind myself how soft and rough he could be.
Raindrops trickled from his hair, down the sides of his face and neck. Each one I wanted to catch with my tongue and swallow, capturing a piece of him. Fuck. Why’d he have to look so delicious all cold and wet, enticing me to warm him up with the heat of my body pressed to his?
“Tell me you’re not on board with this preposterous plan?” His question set my teeth on edge.
Dash always kindled a rebellious spirit against the strict demands of his father. Skipping church to go riding horses or dirt bikes. Paying off his friends with beer and cigarettes to complete pack duties to spend time with me. I felt sorry for Dash and Chase when their father hammered leadership into them young and discouraged them from just being boys. That same fire planned to skirt the Malice takedown.
Father taught me the sole purpose of the Umbra was to preserve the pack’s survival and die to do so, if necessary. Lives lost in a conflict were a necessary evil for the wolves to live in peace. A sacrifice I was willing to make to prevent Heather going to TJ, and to annul the contract with the Malices and save the abused shifters mistreated by that pack. Even if that put me in harm’s way.
As for Dash, I was stupid to pine for him for so long when he moved on. What we had was never strong enough to last. Someone else caught his eye. It was time to erase him from my heart.
Erasing him from my life was a whole other story if the two Umbras planned our pretend Lunar union.
“It’s fine.” Lie. Biggest lie of my life. “You’re in love with someone else.” I assembled a hundred walls around my heart to defend myself against his answer. “We’ll go along with this stupid plan. Have children for the sake of duty. Live separately.” Dark jealousy soured the pit of my stomach. “Rule our own packs when the time comes.”
A tight band cinched around my throat at his frown. His proximity made me uncomfortable, and I set three paces distance between us, my shewolf objecting to the glaring space, wanting to be closer to her mate.
“That’s what you want?” The flint in his voice set my heart on fire and burned it to ash. If he raised his voice any further, Heather would answer the door and investigate.
“Yes.” I knew I was acting crazy and unreasonable. Better to get in and protect my heart than let him hurt me again.
“Fuck, Liv. I need you to understand.” He hooked his hands behind his head and raised his elbows into the air. “This is an impossible decision whatever way it goes. I pick you, I fuck my pack. I pick my pack, I fuck you. I can’t win.”
I didn’t break down his comment about picking me out of fear of it swaying my decision. “Neither can I.”
By the flicker in his eyes, he got my meaning. “What do you want to do?”
Spikes sprung up on our bond at his attempt to move closer, and sensing it, he paused his movement. I didn’t need his heat, his scent, that swirling vortex of smoke in his eyes to lull me back to Team Dash.
“What’s best for my pack.” And for me. I removed Dash from the equation since he cared for someone else.
“Me, too.” One thing we agreed on. His smile warmed several degrees, and I did my best not to let my temperature climb to meet his.
I wanted to hate him for not feeling the same way. For being a heartless asshole who stood me up and didn’t have the guts to be honest with me. Unwavering devotion and loyalty to his pack stopped the hatred burning through my veins. Shame the same couldn’t be said of the disappointment and betrayal curdling in my gut.
“What if there’s another way to avoid war?” he posed, leaning on one hip, and my eyes went to the flex of muscle in his long, strong legs.
Had he been working out? At nineteen, he had the body of a cowboy, defined and muscled. Now, he had the body of a god, ripped and bulging.
Ugh. Stop it, Liv.
What was his question? Something about avoiding war. There was no winning for me when my heart took the battering ram, but maybe there was a way to minimize my pain.
I glanced over my shoulder. Firelight flickered under Father’s cabin door. I wanted an option where I won, not where I got screwed every time and passed off to another undeserving wolf.
Dash served his own unruly interests. Investment in his motorcycle club. Protecting the pack he’d inherit. I didn’t trust his desire to protect me didn’t stem from those interests. Didn’t trust he wouldn’t use me for his own ends.
Curious about his alternative option, I’d hear him out. “I’m all ears.”
Dash scraped the back of his tanned neck. “Sending you to the bakery tomorrow makes me uneasy.” His hands flexed in and out of fists. “You wear your heart on your sleeve. You won’t convince that asshole TJ that everything is on track.” He sounded like his father with his military references.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” I muttered.
Dash breached the gap between us, clasping my elbows, setting my body alight with a warm flame instead of the cold one burning me. “It’s dangerous, Liv.” His wolf roared along our link, territorial and predatory. He might not want me, but his wolf refused another man to touch what belonged to him. “What if he catches on and hurts you? Kidnaps and holds you captive, like Whitney? We still can’t find her after months of searching.”
Fucking Whitney. My heart lurched for her wellbeing. Was she terrified and traumatized like poor Rylie? I was jealous of my competitor stealing my Lunar mate’s heart, but not heartless for her plight. If she escaped from the Malices, I might need to shelter her in the sanctuary. Fuck. Awkward.
Questions stormed to the front of my mind that demanded answers. I jerked at his hold, deepening the digging of his fingers dimpling my skin beneath my jacket. “Is that why you don’t want this match?”
“I want you safe.” Dash might fool his father with lies, but the stiffening of his shoulders and spine gave him away. He hid something. If he wanted my support to be his pretend mate, then he owed me answers.
“Did you ever care about me?” The question gushed out before I could contain it. A wildfire jumping barriers and laying waste to the forest.
“Of course, I fucking did.” My happiness cracked in two at catching his past tense. Did. Not still. Then the words I dreaded dropped. The ones he hid from his father. “I can’t be your mate. I’m no good for you.”
My heart nosedived into my stomach. No good for me, but good enough for Whitney? I worked hard to keep my temper in check, otherwise my shewolf was about to unleash at all the men formulating my future for their political advantage.
“Let me be the judge of that.” My spine snapped straight, and I wrenched from his grasp. “I’ve had enough of others making decisions for me.”
The way he ran a hand through his wet hair was sinful and weakened my knees. “Liv, you don’t understand.”
“Make me.” Scratching out the carving in my heart of his and my name was going just swimmingly.
The mournful turn of his mouth made stars fall from the sky. “I’m not ready for a relationship, plain and simple.”
Chaos in my chest morphed into confusion. My brain hit a glitch and rebooted. I couldn’t sort truth from fiction. Which one was it? He cared for Whitney, or he wasn’t good enough for me?
“I don’t understand. Is this because of what happened to Chase?” I threw it all out there, seeking an answer. Spikes stabbed out on our connection defending me from the disappointment only he could deliver. “You blame me for what happened? That’s why you never showed at the Harvest Dance?”
Flashbacks hit. Dash leaping from his motorcycle to fling away a snake and save me from getting bitten. His bike hitting his brother’s, steering Chase off course. The sickening crash of his bike colliding with the tree. The crunch of metal. Howls of pain.
Dash bristled and his jaw hardened like set concrete. “No.” His shoulders were rock-hard, and his torso quivered with rage. “I don’t have time to dedicate to you right now. I’m starting up a new motorcycle club. It’s the big leagues and will demand a lot of my time.”
Good for him. He always talked about his love for bikes. Rode like he was one with the wind. Confided in me his desire to establish a recreational club with a few of his buddies because he didn’t want to follow in his father’s footsteps of military service and working in the pack’s garage.
He still wasn’t giving me the real reason, and I dug deeper. “Why can’t you manage both of us? We’re Lunar mates.”
“My spare time is spent patrolling and fortifying the pack’s borders and hunting for Whitney. It’s not fair to you.” His tight voice conveyed a partial truth backed by a lie. The whole not fair line sounded reminiscent of the one Steele fed Heather, and my suspicions tripled.
This time, I bristled at his response. Everything boiled down to Whitney. Ice leached under my skin, spreading through my muscles, my veins, freezing my joints and bones, ending with freezing my heart. Grief sawed me in two that I wasn’t the one for him.
“I’m sorry, Liv. I can’t be your Lunar mate.” To back his statement, he unexpectedly rended the bond down the center and left me to put the pieces back together.
A howl that I never made before ripped from my body. Pain. Darkness. Emptiness. My wolf lost in an eternal storm without her pack and mate.
He felt it too and gripped his thighs to stay upright. Gasping for air, he took a few moments to compose himself before righting his posture. Regret dropped away from his expression, and it hardened. All business. Political moves and counter moves. Survival of the fittest.
Heather came to the door straight away and busted it open. “Liv? What’s the matter?”
Dash straightened. Eyes a cold flinty gray, he checked his watch with military precision, just like his father. The one he didn’t want to emulate but did a shitty job of it. “I’ve got to go before Father has a hemorrhage that I’m not home.”
I splutter-laughed in his face. Dash obeying orders. Ridiculous.
I closed my heart off before he did any more damage to my battered soul. Without a word, I turned my back and walked away, Heather close on my heels. Turned my back on the future I dreamed would return to me.