Chapter 17
ALEX
Alex’s mind raced as he settled onto the cushion next to Ava. The fight he’d just overheard had been…epic and left her in tears. After chasing after her, he’d managed to convince her to join him for a little more gaming to settle her nerves.
He’d seen her upset plenty of times, but she’d never hidden it from him before. Normally, his door was the first one she knocked on, tear-stained cheeks and all. This time, she had locked him out of the room.
The action was akin to plunging a knife into his gut and twisting it. He didn’t want there to be distance between them. There never used to be. And they’d fallen back together quickly when she’d returned to the Hamptons.
But every time the bothersome blueprint boss cropped up, so did problems. She would tense up, become anxious, and now…lock herself away.
He’d broken down that barrier between them, and she hadn’t minded, but it gnawed at him that she’d done it at all. After their discussion of the way the builder boy preferred clean-cut situations and no messes, he assumed she’d gotten used to handling her emotions alone.
What kind of man did that to a woman? He hated this guy more and more at every turn. And he desperately wanted Ava away from him, not only for his sake but for hers, too.
She deserved better.
On-screen, Ava’s avatar fell into a hole, ending her turn, and play turned to him. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted her flop onto her belly and sip her soda.
He wondered if he should launch into a discussion with her about what happened or give her more time. His mind burned with the desire to convince her that Chris was not the man for her and after the behavior the man just exhibited and her reaction to it, it seemed like the perfect time.
“Hey, you doing okay?” he ventured.
She didn’t answer him. He slid his eyes sideways, then paused the game.
His lips curled into a smile, though disappointment coursed through him. He wouldn’t get to any conversation with her tonight.
Next to him, she lay on her stomach, asleep, her lips slightly parted to breathe with her stuffy nose.
He gently tugged the controller from under her hand, the ring he’d given her catching the light as her finger shifted.
He climbed to his feet carefully, not wanting to disturb her, and grabbed the fluffy blanket from the back of the couch.
After draping it over her, switching off the television, and killing the lights, he climbed underneath with her, not willing to leave her alone in case she woke up and needed him.
In the moonlit room, he lay awake watching her sleep, wanting to slide his hand around hers.
He tried to plan a conversation with her, to think of ways to convince her that Chris was wrong for her…and he was right.
He counted her breaths as she peacefully slumbered, torn between a desire to protect her and a fear of overstepping boundaries. The weight of his unspoken emotions weighed his chest down as he pondered how he could help her see the truth without pushing her away.
Her steady breathing filled the silent room while his thoughts drifted. His thoughts turned to the first time he’d realized he loved her. Back in their college days, the realization had hit him like a thunderclap during a late-night study session.
She’d laughed at one of his jokes, her eyes sparkling with genuine amusement. At that moment, he saw everything he ever wanted.
He had kept those feelings to himself, fearing it might complicate–or worse, ruin–their friendship. Now, years later, the weight of those unspoken words lay heavy on his heart.
“I love you, Ava,” he whispered, the words coming out in a shaky breath. Maybe one day, he’d say them for her to actually hear. And maybe she’d say them back.
He imagined a time when they could say it freely, closing his eyes and picturing a smile on her beautiful features as he said the words to her.
She grinned at him, tilting her chin up. “I love you, too, Ace,” she answered before they shared a kiss.
He pictured another moment, sitting next to each other on the floor as they gamed. Ava grinned at him, controller clutched in her hand. “I love you,” she said before she kissed him, then dove into their game.
A buzzing cut through his fantasy, making him snap his eyes open in search of it. He spotted her phone’s display glowing in the darkness. He snatched it from the floor to stop it from awakening her when he spotted the message on the display.
His heart thudded against his ribs as he read the message from Chris. Hey, Ava, I don’t like the way we left things. I just wanted you to know that I love you. I’ll call tomorrow morning, and we’ll talk. We’ll get through this, okay? I love you, Ava.
He swiped into her phone, easily bypassing her lock screen to access the text. He swallowed hard, his thumb pressing on the message. A menu of options popped up.
His trembling finger hovered over the delete button. His heart pinched. He wanted desperately to remove the warm message from her fiancé, to stop them from reuniting.
A battle raged within him. Was he doing this for her well-being, or was it a selfish act to erase Chris from their lives? The realization that he was contemplating crossing a moral line for love made him pause, questioning his own integrity.
He shifted his eyes sideways to Ava, sleeping so peacefully next to him. He didn’t want to lose this. He wanted to keep her here no matter what.
With a new determination, he focused on the phone again, tapping delete. A message popped up asking if he was certain he wanted to delete the message.
His heart beat harder. He really wanted to delete it. He wanted to remove any message from the man, especially one that meant they wouldn’t be breaking up. After another glance at Ava, though, he pressed the cancel button and tossed the phone aside.
He couldn’t do that to her. He couldn’t let her believe the man she picked, the man she’d said yes to was that awful.
He wanted to win her, but he had to do it in another way. Turning into something he wasn’t was not the way to start his life with Ava. He didn’t want to start their new life together on a lie.
With a deep breath, he turned on his side and focused on her. He memorized how every feature looked in the pale moonlight.
A storm of emotions churned inside him. The decision not to delete the message was both a defeat and a moral victory. Was his love for her enough to withstand the truth, he wondered as he grappled with the fear of losing her not to deceit but to the reality of her choices?
His thumb rubbed the back of her hand lightly until his eyes slid closed, and he drifted off to sleep.
When he woke, he found Ava already awake, but still lying next to him, staring at her darkened phone. Had she seen the message? If she had, she wasn’t answering.
He reached out to slide a lock of her hair over her shoulder before he rubbed it. “Hey, you.”
After a brief conversation, it seemed she hadn’t checked her messages yet. Maybe he could postpone her seeing it.
It was probably wrong of him, but he pulled the phone from her hands and tossed it away, offering her a coffee first. After a beat, she agreed, and they shuffled to the kitchen for a morning brew.
As he settled into the seat next to her, he tucked a lock of hair behind her ear, asking if she was okay.
She shrugged, her eyes focused on the marble countertop. “Yeah. It was just a fight. Not our first, and it’s probably not going to be our last.”
She wasn’t telling him the truth. He could tell. Something was still bothering her.
He’d pry a little more and see if he could learn anything more or make any ground up on convincing her that Chris wasn’t for her. “Was this your worst one?”
She shifted on the stool as she took another long sip of coffee. “Probably.”
He sucked in a breath as he offered his opinion to see how she took it. “I think his behavior was a little over the top, and you should take whatever time you need away from him, too.”
“That’s not fair,” she answered with a shake of her head.
“How is it not fair, Avs? I heard the conversation. I’m not going to pretend I didn’t. The barrage of questions, the threat of needing time.”
“It wasn’t a threat, he just…Ace, I just dumped a huge horrible secret on him. Of course, he’s upset.”
That hurt. Like a kick to his gut. “Sorry to be your terrible secret.”
“That’s not…” She shook her head before she let it collapse into her hands. “Please, Alex, I don’t have the strength to fight with you, too.”
His heart twisted. She needed him, and he wanted her to know she was there for her. He rubbed her shoulders. “We’re not fighting. That’s the thing. We’re talking. And no matter what, I wouldn’t ever do to you what he just did. I’d never cut you off because we were having an argument.”
“You can’t say that,” she answered.
“Why?”
“Because we’re not involved.”
Those words stung, too. This conversation wasn’t going the way he’d hoped. “Ahh, last time I checked we were married.”
She clicked her tongue. “We’re not romantically involved. Maybe then it would be different. Emotions run so much higher then.”
No. He was in love with her, deeply in love. His emotions were running pretty high right now, and he still wouldn’t do that. When she was hurting, he didn’t want to make that worse, even if he was hurting, too. “Or maybe emotions just run higher with Crossbeam Chris.”
Her eyebrows pinched as she stared into her coffee without answering.
The conversation hadn’t gone at all the way he’d hoped.
She wasn’t ready to hear that Chris was the wrong guy for her.
He kicked himself for not deleting the message from the man.
He’d taken the high road and all it got him was the admission that she’d considered him her awful secret.
“Let’s drop it, okay? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.
If you want to talk about it, let me know. ”
“Thanks,” she said, her eyes still focused on her coffee.