Chapter 5 #2
“Something small, something most would consider stupid, I guess,” Ava said. “Like, it makes me happy to see Lindsey smile. She’s so young and excitable that everything is fresh and new for her and she gets all giddy with some things. I think it’s cute and it brightens my day.”
Elizabeth blinked at her a few more times then put her finger to her lips as she consid ered the question. “I spend so much time in books and research, I haven’t really though about what makes me happy. I guess I could say my coffee. I look forward to it in the mornings.”
“Yeah, I get that,” Ava said with a smile. The silence stretched for another moment. “So you went to Emory for your undergrad, right?”
“I did, it was an interesting school,” Elizabeth answered.
“I loved it there,” Ava said a bit wistfully, “but I always missed home.”
“You grew up here,” Elizabeth said. It wasn’t a question.
“Yeah,” Ava said with a sheepish smile. “My father has a landscaping business and my mother teaches high school science. She’s the reason I became interested in medicine.”
“That’s interesting,” Elizabeth said, and suddenly Ava was self-conscious about her upbringing. “What about you?” she asked.
“We moved around a lot,” Elizabeth said, a bit dismissively. “I was all boarding schools and research trips. ”
Ava’s brows lowered; she wasn’t sure how to interpret the information.
“Most of it was on the East Coast, my parents’ work was based in Boston, mother was a Harvard Professor and my father was a Public Health Official. Everything they did was in service to the greater good .”
“That sounds lonely,” Ava said and immediately regretted it.
“It felt like that sometimes, but I’m proud of who I’ve become,” Elizabeth said without hostility. “Seeing their drive inspired mine, and sometimes I have to remind myself that not everyone sees things the way I do.”
“So you genuinely were curious when you asked why I stayed here,” Ava said.
Elizabeth chuckled slightly and nodded. A server brought out their food and a couple of fresh drinks.
“I guess I was a bit sensitive about it,” Ava admitted.
“No, I was too blunt,” Elizabeth said. “When I see something I don’t understand, sometimes I have trouble expressing what I mean, especially when it comes to personal matters. I was raised that the self is not nearly as important as the whole, and sometimes I’m not sure how I feel about that.”
Ava picked at her burger, suddenly nervous. “I don’t suppose I understand,” she said and nibbled on a french fry.
“My whole life has been a series of clinical research projects, from the time I was a child. We never spent time together just to be together, it always had to serve some greater purpose. I’ve never really learned how to just be.”
Ava nodded. “I understand that. As soon as it was recognized in school that I was gifted it seemed like any time I took for myself was wasted. Sometimes I just wanted to be a kid, you know?”
Elizabeth chuckled again. “At least your parents allowed you to do that.”
“True,” Ava conceded. “I really couldn’t have asked for better parents.” She smiled fondly.
“So, at the risk of sounding callous again, what is it that you want?” Elizabeth asked before taking a huge bite of her burger and wiping at her face with a napkin.
“I’m not sure,” Ava said honestly. “I’m pretty happy with my life.
I guess if I had to say something though it’s that I would like to have a family, you know—wife, kid, all that.
” Ava’s cheeks colored as soon as the words left her mouth.
She couldn’t deny that she was crushing hard on Elizabeth, but on what probably couldn’t even be considered a date she was bringing up marriage and kids.
Elizabeth would probably jump on a plane in the morning and never look back.
She dared to look up from her food to see Elizabeth’s expression.
She was nodding thoughtfully, and Ava let out a sigh of relief. “What about you?”
“I’ve done all the things that I thought would make me happy. I’ve accomplished a lot, won awards, everything that I believed was important, but I’ve started to feel like I missed out on something important, though I haven’t the slightest idea of what that is.”
Ava gave Elizabeth a slight smile. “Have you ever been in love?” Elizabeth rolled her eyes and Ava felt her cheeks flush, but she doubled down. “I’m serious, have you ever been in love?”
“I have loved, and do love, plenty of people . I had a long term partner,” Elizabeth said.
“That’s not what I mean,” Ava said, and she had a feeling Elizabeth knew it. “I mean have you ever fallen head over heels for someone, had someone who seemed to take up all the space in your brain, who you wanted to be with more than life itself?”
“That sounds more like passion than love, or infatuation,” Elizabeth challenged.
Ava opened her mouth to speak but paused to consider Elizabeth’s words. “Fine, have you ever been infatuated with someone?” Ava’s eyes widened as she watched Elizabeth’s reaction. Her cheeks colored slightly, and it took her a moment to speak.
“No,” she finally said and Ava’s heart sank. “I like to think that I am more disciplined than that.”
“What does that have to do with discipline?” Ava asked.
“I keep my mind clear of distraction,” Elizabeth said and lifted her chin in defiance, though of what Ava couldn’t be sure.
“That’s not the same thing,” Ava said with a grin .
“Have you?” Elizabeth asked.
“Have I what?”
“Have you been in love?” Elizabeth’s bright blue eyes were suddenly piercing through her.
“Yes, I’ve felt passion, I’ve had infatuations, but they never seemed to grow into real love,” Ava said, looking down at her mostly empty plate. She didn’t even remember eating most of it.
“Why not?” Elizabeth asked.
“It’s easy to get excited about someone, especially someone new, but compatibility is something else entirely.
You know the stresses in this field of work, probably a lot more than I do.
It doesn’t bode well for long-term relationships if they can’t understand it,” Ava said with a shrug.
“That’s one of the drawbacks of life here, I guess; most of the time they can’t understand the work that I do or why it takes up so much of my time. ”
“Hm,” Elizabeth tapped her lips with her finger. “That’s interesting.”
“What is?”
“Well, compatibility was what I always looked for in a partner, and it seemed that I had fo und the perfect partner, yet it still didn’t work out, and it hurt when we split, but I really can’t say that it was terrible.
We were great together, but when she had an opportunity presented to her that took her away, neither of us really had to think too hard on it, she took it and we ended. ”
“Just like that, huh?” Ava said.
“I guess so, I missed having her in my life, but it was just another step, another thing to get used to,” Elizabeth said.
Ava watched Elizabeth’s expression, there was almost no emotion attached to it.
Her heart threatened to sink through the floor.
She thought she had noticed Elizabeth’s attraction, but it was possible that she was misreading the situation completely.
Maybe she was just projecting her own feelings onto Elizabeth and not actually understanding what was happening between them.
“I really don’t know what to say to that,” Ava admitted.
“I’m sorry, that probably makes me sound like a soulless monster,” Elizabeth said.
“No,” Ava said and reached across the table to take Elizabeth’s hand. They both looked down at their joined hand, but neither of them pulled away. “You’re smart, you’re analytical, that’s how you work, that doesn’t make you empty.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Elizabeth said. Ava knew Elizabeth was blushing this time, it wasn’t just her imagination. She squeezed Elizabeth’s hand, and warmth flooded through her.
Elizabeth wet her lips, and Ava felt compelled to touch them. She gently stroked Elizabeth’s hand and leaned forward across the table. “You are brilliant, Doctor Elizabeth Grant. You have devoted your whole life to the service of others. You’re beautiful, inside and out.”
Elizabeth lifted her hand slightly and laced her fingers through Ava’s. Ava’s heart started thundering in her chest. “So are you,” Elizabeth said and turned her piercing eyes on Ava. Ava’s breath caught in her throat.
The server walked up to their table with a check in hand, and Elizabeth released Ava’s hand. She reached for her wallet and gave the server a card. She looked at Ava, “My treat. ”
“Th-thank you, I’ll get the next one,” Ava said, then clenched her teeth.
They looked at each other as they waited for the server to return with Elizabeth’s card.
Ava tried to speak but couldn’t find any words for what she wanted to say.
Her pulse was thrumming in her ears, and all she wanted to do was come over that table and press her lips to Elizabeth’s.
She let her eyes trail down Elizabeth’s face, her smooth neck, her sharp navy blouse that hugged her curves beautifully.
She reached for Elizabeth’s hand again, but that’s when the server showed up with the receipts.
Elizabeth used the pen to sign the slip, leaving a generous tip, and then turned to Ava. “I guess we should probably get some rest, maybe we will have some good news in the morning.”
“Yes, of course,” Ava said. They gathered their things and slid from the booth. Ava walked slightly in front of Elizabeth through the door, and they both lingered in the parking lot. “I could… I could drive you back to Lavender’s,” Ava offered, though it wasn’t what she wanted to say, to offer .
“No, no thanks,” Elizabeth answered and started to walk away.
Ava felt a wave of panic wash over her. She knew what she was feeling, and she was pretty sure Elizabeth felt the same way, but if she let her walk away, she may never get the chance again.
“Elizabeth?” Ava said and then had to stop and clear her throat. Her heart was threatening to beat itself out of her ribcage, but she couldn’t let this chance pass her by.
Elizabeth slowly turned back toward her, her eyes shining.
Fear suddenly struck Ava. What if Elizabeth turned her down?
Would she be able to show her face in the hospital tomorrow.
Elizabeth adjusted the collar of her shirt, and Ava’s eyes trailed down to her breast. Her own lungs constricted. What was she doing?
“Would you like to come to my place? I could make us some coffee,” Ava blurted. Her lungs froze as she waited for Elizabeth to reply.
Elizabeth’s face twisted in thought. For a moment, fear seemed to swallow Ava whole. Elizabeth was probably searching for the most t actful way to turn her down. Ava shoved her hands in her pockets and looked down at the pavement. She readied an apology for even asking on the tip of her tongue.
“Sure,” Elizabeth said and when Ava looked up, Elizabeth’s blue eyes were burning into her.