Chapter 11
AVA
A va opened her eyes slowly, the drip of IV fluids seemed to echo all around her. She looked up to find Elizabeth standing at the door, a soft smile on her face.
“Your spasms seemed to have calmed down, so I had them wake you,” Elizabeth said and started to slowly walk toward Ava.
“That’s good,” Ava said, her tongue thick in her mouth. Her muscles wouldn’t respond to her commands. She attempted to lift her hand toward Elizabeth as she walked up to the bed, but her arm just flexed back and forth a few times. “What’s happening to me? ”
“You’re under a lot of medication, particularly muscle relaxers, but I thought you would want to know that I think we’ve found something. We are waiting for the medication to arrive, but everything looks as though it will be exactly what we need to eliminate this virus.”
Ava tried to nod but found that she couldn’t.
Elizabeth continued to talk, but Ava could hardly focus.
Her consciousness continued to drift in and out as Elizabeth explained the new drug and the fight with the pharmaceutical company to get it.
Tears welled up in her eyes as she watched this beautiful woman, so concerned, so adamant that she would heal Ava.
If Ava had had any sort of control, she would have chuckled, if anyone could do it, it would be Dr. Elizabeth Grant.
As she watched Elizabeth’s face, she could feel herself drifting and Elizabeth’s face became distorted.
Suddenly, Ava was self-conscious. She didn’t want Elizabeth to see her like this.
She felt so weak; the pain she had felt in the beginning was excruciating and she was exhausted.
She had no idea h ow long she had been put under, but her throat hurt, it was raw and burned with each breath, they must have had to put her on a ventilator.
It was a good thing that she had been able to come off of it. Right?
She found herself angry, she needed to tell Elizabeth to go away.
She wanted her to go away, except that she didn’t.
At the same time, she didn’t want Elizabeth’s last memory of her to be lying in this bed, incapable of the slightest movement.
She felt her jaw tightening and the machines around her started screaming.
She looked back at Elizabeth, whose eyes were wide with fear.
Darkness felt as though it was closing in around her, enveloping her, and it was warm. It was comfortable. It was peace.
No! She couldn’t leave yet. She wasn’t ready.
Ava’s mind fought to stay in the room with her.
Medical personnel were surrounding her, their faces twisted in fear.
It’s alright, I’m okay, she tried to say, but nothing came out.
Their movements were slow and blurry. Their faces said they were working as hard and as fast as they could, but to Ava it felt as though everyone and everything was underw ater.
No sound reached her ears. Everything moved outside her control, surrounding her, but not touching her.
Her consciousness lifted from the bed and then she was looking down at herself, at least she thought it was herself, she couldn’t really tell from the constant movement of people around her.
Pain seared her throat as she watched someone forcing a tube through it and into her lungs.
She could feel it, but it was wrong. Everything was wrong.
How could her body betray her like this?
She looked around and found Elizabeth standing to the side with a hand over her mouth. Her eyes were filled with tears. Ava drifted over to her, and Elizabeth lifted her eyes, and for a second Ava thought she was looking right at her, but then she turned and walked out of the room.
Ava jolted, snapped back near her body. Elizabeth! Ava screamed internally, there was so much pain. Her body was failing. Where did Elizabeth go? She needed to see her, she needed to tell her that everything was fine, that she was comfortable, at peace even.
Ava jolted again, fire coursing though her entire body. Silently screaming, Ava found that she could no longer see. People were shouting, machines screaming, and everything hurt. She longed for that warm enveloping darkness. She started to drift again.
A third time, white hot fire coursed through her. The noise of the room threatened to overwhelm her, but Elizabeth’s face rose to the front of her consciousness. Elizabeth . Ava needed her, but more than that was the overwhelming feeling that Elizabeth needed her, too. She couldn’t go yet.
The noise around her seemed to subside, but nothing was discernable.
Voices carried all around her, but it was like they were all just out of range to be heard or speaking another language.
Darkness started to close around her again, but this was different; it wasn’t warm or peaceful, but it was safe.
She could slip into it for a while, just for a quick rest. Allowing herself to relax, she fell into the darkness.
When she opened her eyes again, the room was empty and dark.
The pulsing of the machin es and the hiss of the ventilator were subdued.
She looked around but couldn’t move anything beyond her eyes.
She felt locked in place. Panic started to creep in, the image of Sandra looking at her, the fear in her eyes.
Ava couldn’t feel anything, guessing she must be medicated to prevent the pain, but her muscles were tight.
Ava came to the stark realization that she did not have much time left.
Sandra barely lasted the night when she came in like this.
She desperately searched her mind for some way to communicate, but could not come up with anything.
She needed to talk to Elizabeth. The door to her room opened, almost silently, and Elizabeth’s face floated above her own.
Guilt and shame threatened to overwhelm Ava as Elizabeth looked down at her.
Elizabeth’s sharp blue eyes were softened as she gazed at Ava.
“Can you hear me?” Elizabeth asked softly.
Ava blinked in response.
I love you.
“I’m here,” Elizabeth said. Ava felt Elizabeth’s fingers clasp her stiff hand, and Ava saw her eyes tighten. Ava blinked, tears stream ing down the sides of her face and pooling in her ears.
“It’s going to be okay,” Elizabeth whispered and brushed Ava’s hair away from her forehead. “I’ve been checking on you every few minutes. The medication should be here any time now. You’re going to be just fine.”
Ava could hear the lie in Elizabeth’s voice, but she could also hear the hope. Elizabeth knew how dire the situation was at this point, but she was refusing to acknowledge it. She was putting all her faith, all her hope into Ava. It spread like a warm ember in her chest.
“I just need you to hold on for a little while longer,” Elizabeth said. “I’m going to give you something to sleep for a while, when you wake up again you will be on the way to recovery.”
Ava blinked furiously. She didn’t want to go back to sleep.
She knew she didn’t have much longer, and she wanted to spend every last second with Elizabeth, even if it was just listening to her talk.
If she went back to sleep, she would not see her again, somehow, she knew it.
Her body was done, it was over, there was nothing left to give.
She wanted to, God sh e wanted to, but there was just nothing left.
Please, Ava silently begged, please just stay with me, don’t let me go.
The darkness was already pushing at the edges of her vision. She forced her eyes to stay open, but they wouldn’t. They burned with the exertion of trying not to blink. Please .
The darkness closed on her again, but this time it was filled with dreams or visions. Her parents. Taking trips into the mountains every summer. The pride and excitement on their faces when she was accepted into Emory. The long tearful goodbye with promises of talking every day.
Her years of internship and residency as she became more and more fascinated with neurology.
Her heart ached each time she would come home to visit because she knew she would need to leave again.
They had both tried to talk her out of taking the position at Phoenix Ridge, but she wouldn’t hear it.
Her family was here, her friends, everything she cared about outside of medicine.
She knew they were happy with her choice but didn’t want to pressure her in any way.
She remembered coming to work at the hospit al here.
At first it was awkward, but she quickly fell into sync with the other doctors and the nurses.
This hospital had accomplished so much in the time she’d been here.
So many had given her credit for the accomplishments, but she knew that these things never would have happened if not for the rest of the staff.
Old relationships flashed through her mind as though they were being fast forwarded.
Small sparks of passion, of affection, never lasting more than a flash.
Each one perfect and beautiful in its own way.
Each one teaching her something about herself, life, and love.
Ava knew love, she loved her parents, her friends, and even her teachers.
She loved the hospital, her patients, her colleagues.
She loved Phoenix Ridge, her home. She loved her job.
A vague memory rose in her mind, speaking at a medical conference somewhere, Denver maybe? Elizabeth was there, sitting near the back, her eyes rapt on each word. She had not seen her again at the conference, though she had hoped to. She didn’t even know who she was then.
Then Elizabeth arriving at the hospital.
She ha d almost choked when she first laid eyes on the woman.
Standing in Sandra’s room, she had felt her pulse quicken when she entered the room.
Elizabeth was even more beautiful up close.
Her light blue eyes pierced right through her, and Ava could see that Elizabeth’s curiosity had been piqued.
Ava felt instant attraction, but she argued with herself that Elizabeth’s reaction was purely professional curiosity.
The first time Elizabeth kissed her. The sheer exhilaration of it. The heat that seared her veins at Elizabeth’s touch. She knew that she would never be able to live without this woman, even then, but had not been willing to admit it to herself, yet.
Fear coursed through her. This couldn’t be it, the end.
Her life was flashing before her eyes, but she wasn’t ready to let go.
The door opened and closed again as she fought to regain consciousness.
That warm darkness hovered just at the edge of her perception, but she pushed it away.
She pushed at it with everything she had.
She couldn’t leave yet, she couldn’t allow this virus to take her away.
This petty awful virus could not overpower her feelings for Elizab eth, her determination for life.
She would stay alive, she had to. Elizabeth was fighting for her, struggling against everything for her, she just had to stay alive.
I love you.