Chapter 22
Wouldn’t it be nice if one conversation was all that it took to make things better?
Worried about something that could have huge ramifications and cause colossal heartache? Have a little chat. Bam. Everything is peachy keen again, and all parties can smile and go on with their lives as if they no longer have a care in the world.
If only it were that simple.
Levi may have said all the right words, but I can’t help but still feel uneasy.
The man had never even kissed a woman before me!
Obviously, he isn’t someone who dates casually for fun since he’s reserved himself for so long.
Probably until he was ready for commitment.
And here I am, Miss Have-No-Future, robbing both him and the woman who should have been given that gift and privilege like a wanton little seductress.
Okay, maybe I need to lay off the historical romances for a bit.
The point remains, however, that even though Levi says he’s okay taking things between us one day at a time, I’m not sure he’s being truthful with himself.
Also, there’s still the issue of whether I can be content with that anymore.
I have in the past, true, but I’ve also never been with Levi before now.
And since he’s made me start thinking about all the things I realize I want and can’t have, I’m not sure I can push myself back into the carefully contained box I resided in previously.
“Mail delivery for a Miss Hayley Holt.” Jack grins at me, holding out an envelope.
I reach for it, realizing I’d been so wrapped up in my thoughts that I hadn’t even been aware that he’d walked over. I squint against the brightness of the sun behind his shoulder. “General Store owner and postal worker? I didn’t know you were such a renaissance man.”
“I only do special deliveries.” He laughs and throws me a wink.
I look down at the addressed envelope. Beneath my name, the direction reads Under the Elm, General Store Parking Lot, TN. I laugh and look back up. “What’s this?”
He points to the return address.
You’re Not-So-Secret-Admirer, You Know Where to Find Me, Anywhere You Are, TN.
“I can see why someone would need to use you to deliver this. The United States Postal Service wouldn’t know what to do with this thing.”
Jack grins. “Probably the same thing they do with letters to Santa.” He gives me a two-finger salute. “Enjoy your letter.” With that, he turns and marches back into his store.
My lips curl in a smile as I flip the envelope over so I can slide my finger under the sealed flap.
When did Levi even have time to write a letter and get it to Jack?
It hasn’t been that long since he left me sitting here, lips swollen from his convincing kisses and mind trying to rediscover its equilibrium after he’d left it and all my thoughts spinning off their axis.
My phone rings, startling me. I set the envelope down, disappointed, and dig my phone out of my purse. Evangeline’s name is on the screen, and I tap on the green accept button, holding the phone up to my ear. “Hey, aren’t you at work?”
Evangeline will sneak texts here and there when the library is slow, but she doesn’t usually make personal calls during work hours unless there’s an emergency.
I try not worry, but it feels like this perfect little bubble I’ve been living in has suddenly popped. Had I really forgotten, even momentarily, about the rockslide? If something is wrong, if one of my parents are hurt or Tai’s had an episode with his asthma, I can’t rush over there.
“Yes, but Martha and I snuck away for a minute to call you. Of Roses and Lilies was just returned.” Her voice is pitched high with her excitement, and it takes me a second to realize this isn’t an emergency call.
“What?” I ask, a bit dazed, needing to hear a second time she’s not calling because someone is in mortal danger but because . . . a book was returned? I’d care about this why again?
“Of Roses and Lilies,” Evangeline squeals. “Did you find the page yet?”
I realize she’s talking to Martha, who must have been turning to a specific page while Evangeline called me. Then I remember.
ORAL, p. 286, l. 12. Levi’s clue to a hidden treasure.
My heart pounds against my ribs, and I clutch my phone tighter, holding my breath in anticipation.
“Got it,” Martha says. “What line was it again?”
“Twelve!” Evangeline and I both yell at the same time.
“Okay, okay, calm down. Sheesh.” I can picture Martha rolling her eyes at us. “Let’s see here.” She draws the words out absently as she searches for the right passage. “Ten, Eleven, Twelve. Here it is.”
“Let me see,” Evangeline says.
“Ouch!”
“What happened?” I ask as sounds of fumbling and a muffled apology comes over the line.
“Evangeline has a very hard skull, that’s what happened,” Martha grumbles.
“We may have knocked heads when I leaned in to look at the book,” Evangeline explains sheepishly.
“I love you both, but will one of you please tell me what the passage says?”
“Right, sorry.” Evangeline clears her throat.
“It says, ‘I’d never fully understood what people meant when they talked about defining moments. How could a single blink in time change the trajectory of an entire existence? It didn’t make sense.
And then you walked into my life, and all of a sudden, I knew.
They were right, and I’ll never be the same again.
All of my tomorrows are now and will forever be shaped by that single pinprick in time when you walked through that door and changed my world. ’”
A vacuum sucks all the sound out of the atmosphere. No one says anything. It’s complete silence, and when little spots start to dance in my vision, I realize that I’ve even stopped breathing. Slowly I exhale, then refill my lungs. A songbird titters from a branch above me.
“Wow.” Evangeline manages to breathe out the single syllable, the first of us to even be able to coherently assemble a reaction into a word.
“Yeah,” I respond. Wow is right. There’s so much more to think and say, but my brain is stalled on wow, not able to move forward.
“I think it’s safe to say this guy is smitten with you,” Martha chimes in. “In this instance, Evangeline was right.”
“In this instance?” Evangeline sounds affronted. “I’ve been right more than once, I’ll have you know.”
Martha doesn’t respond verbally, but I imagine she’s giving Evangeline a very pointed look.
“So the hidden treasure Levi alluded to . . .” My mind is finally crawling forward toward deeper implications.
“I’m pretty sure he’s saying that treasure is you, sweetie,” Martha says gently.
Levi had given me that clue even before we’d kissed. “All of my tomorrows are now and will forever be shaped by that single pinprick in time when you walked through that door and changed my world.”
Liquid pools along the bottom of my eyelids, and a strangled sound that’s half cry and half laugh tears from my throat. I shake my head and raise a clenched fist to my mouth, biting down on my knuckles.
That man is not fighting fair. How can I attempt to convince either of us of the logical course of action when he goes and says things like this? Claiming his world was changed simply by my walking into it?
Yeah, well, how much worse will it change when I’m forced to walk out forever? When I inevitably Nicholas Sparks him?
A tear slides down my cheek. The truth is, he’s changed my world as well. And as much as I hate to admit it, I know my tomorrows are also shaped by his influence in my life—whether that be for only a few days or an undetermined amount of time.
I sniff and wipe at my dripping nose. I’m happy, I swear it.
I know the evidence is proof to the contrary, but what girl wouldn’t feel happy to be wooed by such words?
Except, along with the happiness, there’s that pit of concern.
That sense of loss that wasn’t invited to the party but crashed the scene anyway.
I really wish it would let me just have this moment without trying to ruin it for me.
“Has he left you any other clues?” Evangeline asks.
I’d forgotten that she and Martha were still on the phone.
I sniff again and blink rapidly to dry my eyes and rein my thoughts back in.
“Umm.” Seeing the envelope Jack handed me minutes ago lying on the table, I snatch it up and rip the letter out, scanning the handwriting at the bottom for another postscript.
My heart stills, then beats wildly against my sternum at the sight of the curves of the P and S.
“Umm, yeah. Yeah, he did. Just now, in fact.”
Evangeline makes some sort of indiscriminate sound, like she’s choking back a shriek of excitement. “Well, don’t keep us in suspense. What does it say?”
My vision is still a little watery, so I have to squint to be able to read Levi’s horrible handwriting. “I think it says AK, pd. 1878, p. 25.”
“AK,” Evangeline muses. “So a book with only a two-word title.”
“But what is pd?” Martha asks. “That wasn’t in the first clue.”
What was pd? 1878 . . .
My body stills. “Could pd stand for publication date? A book published in 1878?”
“I think you’re right,” Martha agrees.
“AK 1878? It’s Anna Karenina!” Evangeline practically shouts.
Martha groans. “If that’s the case, how can we know which printing he used to find the quote? The page numbers are likely to be somewhat off in each, don’t you think?”
“Here, hold this,” Evangeline says, and since I’m miles away, she must have shoved something into Martha hands.
“What are you doing?” Martha asks, and I’m wondering the same thing.
“I’m doing a search for every romantic quote in Anna Karenina. Obviously.”
“It might not be a quote of a romantic nature this time,” I say.
Evangeline snorts.
Yeah, even I didn’t buy my lame attempt.
“‘I think,’” Evangeline reads, “‘if it is true that there are as many minds as there are heads, then there are as many kinds of love as there are hearts.’ Aww, that’s sweet. Do you think that’s it?” But she doesn’t wait for either of us to respond. “I’m going to keep searching.”
“Let me look,” Martha says, then there’s shuffling again and they must have traded phones. “‘I’ve always loved you, and when you love someone, you love the whole person, just as he or she is, and not as you would like them to be.’”
It’s way too early to be talking about love, isn’t it?
Sure, our time together has in some ways seemed like I’ve stepped outside the space-time continuum.
The calendar may not have even flipped to the next month, but I feel like I’ve lived an entire lifetime in that span.
I can’t remember a time when Levi wasn’t in my life.
When he didn’t hold me during thunderstorms or make my heart melt watching him cuddle kittens.
I’ve enjoyed learning the nuances of his facial expressions and take way too much pleasure in knowing I’m probably the only person on the planet who knows that when the muscle in his jaw bulges, he’s bracing himself for something he perceives is a threat, but when that same muscle ticks, it’s because he’s reaching his threshold of stimulation and needs some space to decompress.
But love? That’s not what’s going on here.
“‘He knew she was there by the joy and terror that took possession of his heart. Everything was lit up by her. She was the smile that brightened everything around,’” Martha reads.
“That’s you, Hayley.” Evangeline’s voice comes quick and soft. “You bring light into the lives of everyone you come in contact with. I’d bet anything this is your clue quote.”
“I think she’s right,” Martha agrees. “And the page number it’s on definitely suggests it could be.”
I don’t say anything. Mostly because I don’t know what to say. Not to Martha and Evangeline, and not to Levi.
Not even, I think, to myself.
“Oh! I think I see someone at the front desk. Looks like it’s time to get back to work. Bye, Hayley,” Evangeline sing-songs before the call is disconnected.
I sigh and return my phone to my purse. Levi’s letter weighs heavy in my hand, and there’s a sense of trepidation weaving its way around my ribs as I stare at the piece of paper.
I’m almost afraid to read what he’s written.
For a man of few words, he’s been sure to make every single one of them count.
I feel like I’m standing on a stone wall with cracks in its foundation.
One more sweet word from Levi, one more soft look, and I’ll topple and fall right over.
Truthfully, I’m already more than halfway to falling.
“Hayley!” Jack yells my name as he barrels out of the General Store’s entrance, his lips cracked open in a wide grin.
I look up from the letter in my hands and force a semblance of a smile. “What’s up, Jack?”
“I’m glad I caught you before you packed up.” He stops in front of the table and hooks his thumbs through his belt loops, still grinning. “The Department of Transportation just called. They said they should have the road back open by tomorrow afternoon. Isn’t that great news?”