Chapter 13
In the great hall, Aftyn sat with Braden for the midday meal.
Jamie was at the abbey, and so was the laird.
Since the Lathans had arrived, she’d had little chance to share a meal with Braden in the hall, and though she ached to spend time with Jamie, their father’s absence lightened both their moods.
“The horses Da traded for in Crieff have arrived,” Braden told her, pleasure shining in his gaze. “Ye ken the age of most of our stable. Younger, stronger mounts will give us an advantage for years to come.”
“So ye are already planning how ye’ll run the clan and the keep, aye?” Aftyn teased. “Right down to the horses in our stable.”
“They’re important!” Braden insisted. “If cats and kittens were important, I’d plan for them, too.”
“Dinna let Cook hear ye say that. Or the stable master. Those cats and kittens keep rodents out of Cook’s stores and the horses’ feed.”
“Aye, I suppose ye are right. But cats do what they will and keep having kittens, no matter what. I dinna think I can plan on them for more than that.”
“Wise words, brother mine. Wise indeed. And if ye think on it, people are very much like those cats. Some things ye willna be able to control, but ye can encourage, or discourage, as the need arises.” She had no doubt Braden would be a better, more fair laird than their father had been up to now.
“Or think of it another way. Yer mount responds best to a light hand on the reins, aye?”
“Aye, save for in battle, when I must be in control at risk of my life, and my mount’s.”
“Exactly. But ye are no’ in battle every day. And I’d wager there are times in battle when yer mount sees a threat ye dinna, and takes control to save ye both.”
“Aye.”
“Or ye have to ride another, even take the mount of an enemy.”
“I havena, but I’ve seen it happen. I think I see what ye mean, Aftyn. Da has never given ye the respect ye deserve, nor the chance to improve yerself. No’ even the chance he plans to give these new mounts. The training.”
“Aye. And experience. Jamie Lathan has helped, but ’twould be best for me to be able to go elsewhere. For the clan, as well. I could foster with another healer, or bring one here for a time.”
“He willna.”
“I ken it. But If ye talk to him…”
“I can try, but ye ken his stubbornness.”
“Aye, more than most.”
Braden gave her a sympathetic nod.
Aftyn glanced away, suddenly sorry she’d started the conversation, and noticed Niall making his way down the stairs. “He’s much better,” she said, though he still leaned on a cane and took each step favoring his injured leg. She stood and beckoned him to their table.
Braden watched Niall’s halting progress with a frown. “Did ye ken he’s one of their best horsemen? Rabbie told me. I hope he is soon well.”
“Good day,” Niall greeted them.
Braden gestured to the seat next to him. “Are ye hungry?”
“Aye. That’s what drove me down the stairs.”
Aftyn took that as a very good sign. If his appetite had returned enough for him to come to the hall instead of waiting for a tray to be brought to him, he must be getting stronger.
She hailed a passing serving lass and requested a trencher and ale for their guest. Then she turned back to watch Niall and Braden talk horses, reminded that Niall’s recovery meant the Lathans’ departure was approaching.
Her belly hollowed at the thought. When Jamie left, would she ever see him again?
Or would he forget her the moment he rode through the gate, headed home?
After the way he’d kissed her in the wood, she hoped he cared for her as much as she had come to care for him.
Her body still burned any time she thought about his kisses, on her lips, her face, her throat.
She tried to convince herself she wouldn’t miss him, but she was wrong.
She’d miss catching him looking at her with heat in his gaze meant only for her.
Though they’d barely touched, and had done nothing that she would need to worry over, the thought of her hand in his, or his firm, full lips on hers, and his muscled arms wrapping her in a heated embrace made her realize he’d come to mean more to her than she’d ever imagined he could.
She needed to stop pining for a man she’d never have, a man who had said nothing to her about a future together.
He’d only offered to take her with him to find a place where she could be safe.
Should she go with him? To the Aerie? Perhaps.
But if he meant to leave her at another clan, in the midst of strangers, away from everything and everyone she knew, then nay.
As much as she wanted to fulfill her mother’s wishes and become a healer her clan could depend upon, that is not how she wished to make it happen.
She lost herself in the fantasy of leaving with Jamie to return to his home, to be near him.
Knowing it would never happen made her sad.
If this is how it would be once he went home, she would be brokenhearted to see him go. Despite what he’d thought about her when he arrived, she appreciated that he hadn’t ignored her. Instead, he’d helped her, given her confidence, even his affection.
What was she going to do without him?
She forced herself to pay attention to the activity going on around her.
Braden and Niall were still deep in conversation.
The rest of the people who had been in the hall before her longings took her mind away were still there, too.
She hadn’t been dreaming for long. She hoped no one had seen her thoughts reflected on her face.
After he finished eating, Braden offered to take Niall to see the new stock, but Niall begged off, saying his leg pained him and he’d best go rest it. Aftyn could see the disappointment on Braden’s face, but Braden nodded and promised they’d do it another day.
Later, Aftyn happened to walk by the door to Niall’s chamber as Fearchar opened it, then turned back to say something else to Niall, who was pacing without a cane across the chamber.
Over Fearchar’s shoulder, she glimpsed him turn and walk back again.
As she ducked away, it took her a moment to realize he wasn’t limping.
So his leg pained him, did it? What magic had Jamie Lathan done for his clansman?
She’d give quite a lot to see under that wrapping on Niall’s lower leg, and to find out why they were lying about it.
Later that afternoon, Aftyn rode back to the abbey. Neve had sent for her, though her message said the need was not urgent, but Aftyn worried if she left her there much longer, the lass would convince Hamish to leave the kirk for her. She didn’t want Neve to have such a stain on her soul.
She found Neve in the abbey’s hall, sitting with Hamish and two others Aftyn recognized as having been injured in the fire, though only slightly. The men stood when they saw her approaching.
“Aftyn!” Neve smiled and patted the bench beside her. “Conal just told us about his home up near Aberdeen. Truly, the brothers in this abbey come from all over Scotland.”
“And at least one from Ireland,” Conal said and nodded toward a pale redhead eating with two other acolytes.
“How interesting,” Aftyn said as she took the seat Neve indicated. “How are ye all?”
“Ach, they’re well,” Neve answered. “And ready to return to their duties for the abbey.”
All the men nodded agreement, except Hamish, whose gaze remained fixed on Neve. Aftyn wondered if she should have stayed here and sent Neve back to Keith instead of indulging Neve's wish to remain near Hamish.
“I’m glad of it. Neve, that means ye can return home with me.”
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Hamish’s gaze flick to her, then back to Neve, and his face fell.
“Must ye?” He lifted a hand, then put it back on the tabletop.
Aftyn believed he’d been about to reach for Neve’s hand and thought better of it.
“Aye,” Neve said, and glanced aside at Aftyn. “Soon. But Aftyn, I havena told ye the reason I asked ye to come. ’Tis quite an honor. The abbot has offered to hear your confession. The abbot! In thanks for the work we did caring for his people.”
Aftyn frowned, though she recognized the truth of Neve’s words. It was an honor. One she’d never heard bestowed to anyone lower than a senior priest. She and Neve were nothing to the kirk except souls to save. And hers, after the Lathans’ arrival and Jamie’s kisses, was in sore need of tending.
“How are we to make ourselves known to the abbot?”
“I’ll take ye,” Conal offered, standing. The others stood, too, and left them, crossing the hall toward a priest who’d just entered. Conal held up a hand for them to wait, then joined the others by the priest.
“Now?” Suddenly, Aftyn’s confidence deserted her. How much dared she reveal to another person—the abbot!—about her feelings toward Jamie Lathan? Or her suspicions?
“Dinna fash,” Neve said and smiled. “He is a gentle soul. I was honored by the kind things he said.” She colored and added, “He waved any penance, even when I admitted to having feelings for Hamish.”
Aftyn looked away to avoid reacting, and noticed Conal speaking to the priest and gesturing toward her and Neve, but he made no move to join them.
The abbot’s generosity was shocking, but if he didn’t take offense at Neve’s admission, perhaps she could get her envy of Jamie off of her conscience.
He would be gone soon, and she would like the weight of her feelings for him—and her earlier ones against him—off her shoulders.
“I should take the abbot up on his kind offer, then,” she told Neve and stood.
Across the hall, Conal nodded to the priest and left the group to walk back to Aftyn.
“Ready?” He gestured to the side of the hall.
“Thank ye for guiding me.” She turned to Neve. “Wait here for me?” When Neve nodded, she turned back to Conal. “I hope I am not causing a problem for ye.”
“No’ at all,” Conal told her as they walked. “Father Dexter needs some weeds pulled. Ye are saving me from that, at least for a few minutes.”