Chapter 18
“Izzy, this is breathtaking!” I spin in a slow circle taking in the renovated barn at Lucky Spurs Ranch. Izzy and Reid converted it into an event space as they transition the property from defunct cattle ranch to an equine lover’s haven.
Fairy lights twinkle from the rafters creating a mesmerizing night sky effect. Tables made from reclaimed wood are scattered across the space, set with a charming array of mismatched antique chairs. Mason jar lanterns flicker with flameless candles amidst small arrangements of wildflowers.
Country music plays softly from a concealed sound system and the barn is perfectly warm on this crisp spring Saturday. My sister’s arms wrap me in a hug from behind, and she rests her cheek on my shoulder blade.
“Thank you!” She gives me a tight squeeze and lets me go to face her. “It all came together perfectly! Mr. Andersen jokes I’m the brain and Reid’s the brawn, and together we’re the perfect reno-team.”
“He’s right, this is unbelievable. You’ll get so much use out of this space—hosting weddings, anniversary parties, birthdays, and graduations. So many memories will be made here because of your hard work.”
I’m so proud of my big sister. She was lost and unhappy for such a long time; my heart’s full watching her blossom.
“Everything alright, sugar?” Reid’s voice booms in the empty barn. Their faces mirror each other’s blatant adoration, and jealousy tugs my heart. I’m happy for her, deeply. But standing on the outside of the life she and Reid are building together makes it painfully obvious what I don’t have.
I don’t have a life partner who gazes at me like they need me more than oxygen.
I don’t have a partner in crime to make plans for the future with.
I don’t have lips I can kiss any time I want.
I share an apartment with my eternal bachelor best friend who’s never given me a second glance. Am I hurting myself by holding on so tightly to Connor? I’ll never find love if I’m hung up on a man I’ll never have.
“Delilah loves it!” Izzy gushes as Reid wraps his fiancée in a bear hug and kisses her.
“We’re glad you’re our first honored guest, Delilah. The whole family is so damn proud of you. You’ll do great in your internship,” Reid says as he rubs Izzy’s back.
“Y’all didn’t have to do this for me. It’s not like I’ve even been placed. Your family is too kind.” I’m so thankful for the party, but I’m deeply uncomfortable with the attention.
“Darlin’, you became an honorary Andersen the moment I fell in love with your sister. Mom adores you, and you spend more time here than my brother does—and he lives here.” He chuckles. “You give any more thought to what we talked about the other day?”
Izzy’s brows drop and she looks between us for an explanation. I didn’t intentionally keep it from her; I figured Reid would tell her.
“Reid offered to give me basic equestrian lessons this summer, so I’d be comfortable before my internship starts in the fall. To familiarize myself with the horses, proper care, and eventually riding lessons when I’m ready.”
“Twinie! I love that idea! Reid’s been easing me in with the horses and I’m already a hundred times more comfortable than I was two months ago. Let’s do it together!” Izzy suggests.
“Woooooah. I can’t handle double trouble. You two will talk my ears off,” Reid jokes.
Izzy backhands him in the chest, but he catches her by the wrist and kisses her palm. I turn away, bitter with envy, pretending to look around for someone, but we’re the only ones here.
Noticing where my attention strayed, Isabelle offers, “Livy will be here any minute. She can take you to see Maisey while we finish setting up for the party.”
I agree and wander off to explore the ranch while they get back to work.
Izzy and I grew up with few friends and even fewer family. Reid isn’t wrong, I’ve been accepted into the Andersen family without question.
I spent Easter at the ranch, and it was the largest, most joyous holiday I’ve ever been a part of. Mr. and Mrs. Andersen hosted an Easter egg hunt, all ages welcome. The only kids who attended were Olivia’s niece, Harper, and some family friends.
Quincy stayed home to help her mom care for her dad. His Alzheimer’s is progressing rapidly. Watching his dad disappear day by day is tearing Connor apart.
He wanted to stay home and help Quincy, but she insisted he come to the Easter celebration and get his mind off their reality.
It was an all-out melee for which adult team could collect the most eggs. They were filled with money, raffle tickets, rental vouchers for Swift Property Management vacations, and of course, candy.
I didn’t pay attention to who won what, but it was the most fun I’ve ever had.
Today’s crisp spring wind sends a chill through me, despite the sun shining from the cloudless sky. A shiver races down my arms and goosebumps follow in its wake. Crossing my arms to brace from the breeze, a familiar tingle raises the hairs on the back of my neck.
I feel Connor before I hear or see him. The next thing I know, he’s swooped me into the air like a bride and spins me around.
“You scared me!” I laugh. But it stops being funny when he nuzzles warmth into my neck, and I swear he smells my hair.
“Sorry I’m late, dollface. I got held up at my parents helping Quincy.”
“It’s okay.” I try to hide the way my body reacts to his touch. I wiggle so he’ll set me down, and we walk side by side back towards the barn.
He’s so handsome it should be illegal. Wranglers that hug his ass just right hang casually over his favorite cowboy boots.
Tucked into those sinful jeans is a white pearl snap collared shirt that stretches across his chest and arms, thin enough to tease the outline of the tattoos underneath. Thank god he’s not wearing a cowboy hat. I’d combust on the spot and the night would be over before it begins.
The party’s in full swing. The music’s loud, but happy conversation floats all around.
There’s a ton of people here I recognize but don’t personally know.
The Andersens have a vast circle of friends, and it’s unreal they’re here to celebrate a nobody like me for finishing my second to last college semester.
Connor stepped away to refill our drinks, but I thought he’d be back by now. I circle the crowd, peeking between bodies to find him. Pain freezes me in place when I spot him.
A stunning woman with sleek black hair and an olive complexion is hanging off my best friend. She’s got him pressed against the bar and is running her fingers through the long hair that’s fallen across his forehead.
My heart fights to launch up my throat or plummet into my stomach. Instinctually, my arms wrap around me, weak protection from the intense pain and threat this woman is posing.
“It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to” plays in my swirling mind. Even my own brain is mocking my ridiculous unrequited love for Connor. I can’t bear to see what happens next, so I disappear back into the fray to find my sister or Livy for a distraction.
I’m rounding the dance floor when a large, warm hand bracelets my wrist. I whirl around, so glad Connor came for me—but the hand doesn’t belong to Connor. I tug my arm back firmly.
“Excuse me, do I know you?” I ask the stranger.
He’s quite taller than me, chestnut brown hair flips at his collar beneath a cream cowboy hat.
The perfect amount of stubble covers his face, fair but not pale like me.
Vibrant blue eyes gaze down at me, and a wicked grin crooks one side of his mouth.
I don’t have the courage to look below his neck.
“Jason Beck. Pleasure to meet you.” He offers his hand for a shake. I take it briefly but pull away from him. “You’re the guest of honor, right? Delilah?”
“Um, yes. This is my sister and her fiancé’s ranch.” That was a dumb thing to say.
“Yea, I grew up with the Andersens. I graduated between James and Reid.” His words are perfectly polite, but the way his eyes are leering at me is not. I fidget beneath his scrutiny.
I’m not used to having a man’s attention on me. At least, not a man who’s interested in me. And Jason definitely seems interested.
When I don’t respond, he continues. “Heard you’re aiming to specialize in equine therapy. Is that something you’ll be doing here?”
“I haven’t given much thought to where I’ll work after graduation. I’m just trying to get through my internship, you know?” He laughs boisterously, though what I said wasn’t funny.
“Can I get you a drink?” he asks. I don’t want to see Connor with his plaything, so I ask Jason for a lemonade.
I find a high-top table and wait for him to return with our drinks. He’s decent looking. Objectively speaking, he’s attractive. But my standard of male beauty is Connor—and Jason doesn’t hold a candle to him.
Jason swaggers back, a devilish gleam in his eyes and my stomach drops uncomfortably.
One of his hands offers my drink while the other casually slips too low on my back. I resist squirming beneath his touch when his fingers dig into my hip.
“Here you go, sweetheart.” The tart lemonade zaps the tip of my tongue but is snatched from my hand.
“Get your fucking hands off her,” Connor growls.
“Back off man,” Jason quips calmly, cocky as can be. But Connor doesn’t take no for an answer, especially when it comes to me.
This time, Connor’s demand is accompanied by a shove. “I said get your disgusting hands off her.”
Jason postures like he’s going to retaliate when Reid plants a hand on each man’s chest, pushing them apart.
Reid hisses furiously, “Keep your voices down. What the fuck’s going on?”
Connor shrugs away from Reid’s barrier. Not bothering to follow Reid’s order, Connor speaks at a normal volume, unafraid. “I’ll tell you what’s going on. Your buddy over here slipped something into Delilah’s drink and now I’m going to kill him.”
I gasp. What? Why would someone spike my drink at my party, at my sister’s ranch.
“Get. Off. My. Property. You sick fuck,” Reid growls.
“You believe this kid over me? Seriously, Reid. You know I’d never do anything like that,” Jason says, unbothered.
I have no desire to stick around and see how this plays out. Izzy will understand why I have to go, especially after Reid tells her what happened. I sneak away from the testosterone cloud and jog to Izzy’s cabin. Thankfully, I chose to wear cute tennis shoes with my sundress instead of heels.
The door’s locked, so I sit in the wooden rocking chair on the covered porch and wrap my cardigan tighter around my body to ward off the evening chill. My phone’s going off like crazy. I set it on my lap and watch as the notifications pour in.
Missed Call: Studmuffin
Studmuffin: Where are you?
Reid: Are you okay?
Missed Call: Studmuffin
Studmuffin: Delilah. Where are you?
Missed Call: Sissy
Sissy: Where did you go? Are you okay?
Missed Call: Studmuffin
Livy: I’ll fucking kill that sleaze ball. Do you need a ride?
Why would Jason spike my drink? How did Connor even see Jason when he was preoccupied with his little girlfriend?
I’ll get the answer to that question sooner than later because Connor’s storming through the shadows to my hiding place.
He drops to his knees in front of the rocking chair and covers my bare knees with his warm hands.
“Don’t touch me.” My words shock me and bite Connor. I’ve never told him not to touch me. He yanks his hands back like I’ve burned him. I can’t have his hands on me right now.
It hurts being so close to him but not having him. It hurts when he touches me because it’s never in the ways I’m desperate to be touched.
I don’t even want to look at him right now.
Connor’s normally strong voice cracks under my rejection. “Doll? What’s going on?”
I turn my head away from him and stare into the black night.
From the corner of my eye, Connor wars with himself on whether to touch me again.
“Doll. Please look at me. Please. I’m not going to touch you if you don’t want me to—but you’ve got to look at me.” The agony in his voice widens the crack in my heart that’s been forming since childhood.
“I can’t do this anymore.” The admission slips from my tongue without permission.
Connor sits back on his heels, knuckles white, fisted restraining from touching me.
“I don’t understand,” he rasps. I don’t understand either, but the truth-door is open, and I can’t stop now.
“I can’t keep doing this with you. You have me, but I can’t have you. I’m yours, but you’re not mine.”
“What are you talking about?” Frantic eyes scan my face trying to read between the lines.
“Thank you for protecting me, but why were you watching me when you had that woman…” I can’t bring myself to say it.
“What woman?” he asks. Is he serious?
“The woman who couldn’t keep her hands off you at the bar. Or was there more than one and you’re not sure which one I’m talking about?” I snip.
My pain and embarrassment are turning into anger. Connor says nothing.
I stand, forcing him to shift away from my feet.
“Forget it. I’m tired. I’m going to wait for Izzy to let me into her cabin. I’m going to stay here for a while.” My impromptu plan surprises me nearly as much as it does Connor.
“Delilah, what? No, you aren’t staying here. You’re coming home with me.”
“No. I need some time.”
“Some time? For what?”
“Some time away from you.” Connor jerks back like I’ve stabbed him.
My heart aches, hating hurting him. But I can’t anymore. I can’t keep living in a delusional bubble hoping he’ll want me some day.
It’s past time I accept our relationship for what it is.
And what it will never be.