Chapter 16
SYDNEY
“What the fuck was that?” I hiss as I snap the lock into place and lean back against the door.
I don’t talk about Katie.
Ever.
With anyone.
Leigh or Jessie don’t even know about Katie. Cole either. Knowing Sawyer, he probably does, but he’s never uttered a damn word about her. I could fucking kiss him for that. If it wouldn’t be like kissing my brother.
So why the hell did I spill all the details like that? The ride home should have been silent and awkward after that smoking-hot kiss. That I could handle.
Cy’s reaction surprised me. I expected him to kick me out of the car or at least drop my hand.
Instead, he held me as I cried. He insisted it wasn’t my fault—and looked like he meant it.
Even when we pulled through the gate, he didn’t release my hand.
Not until we discovered the angry mob waiting for us.
Okay, maybe that’s a dramatic way to describe the group hovering outside the house tonight.
But I definitely got a few more glares than usual.
Even Josie looked disappointed. I was sure they’d send me home.
But Cy came to the rescue. By the time Mara released us, I was more than ready to hide in my room. If nothing else, I need reinforcements.
I pull my phone out of my bra and navigate to the text thread Jessie and Leigh and I use.
I’m an idiot.
While I wait for them to respond, I click over to the text thread between Cole and Sawyer and me.
COLE
Renee Hargrave is not Scarlett.
I was pretty sure of that already, but Cole started researching her before her elimination and must have just gotten the final results.
I didn’t think so. Didn’t hurt to check.
LEIGH
Hey, don’t talk about my friend that way.
Leigh’s response flashes across the top of the screen, and I click on it to open the thread.
I’m allowed to.
I fucking kissed him.
LEIGH
Cy? OMG! What was it like? Fireworks?
Were you on a date?
I swear she’s hoping this pretend reality dating show bullshit will turn into the real thing.
No. Fucking. Way.
Were there fireworks?
Yes.
But would I admit that to her?
Not in a million years.
I also wouldn’t tell her what led to the kiss. Because that would open up too many avenues. I’ve already talked about Katie once tonight. I don’t think I could handle it again.
Not a date. Just a conversation.
Just. Like he didn’t show me another glimpse of his humanity while we were out tonight. Like I didn’t then break down in the car, overwhelmed by emotion.
We were talking, and one thing led to another…
I mean, you guys already know he’s hot.
Naturally there was going to be some chemistry.
Though I didn’t expect it to be so brain melting. Had Asher not come in, would we have continued? For how long?
I slam the proverbial door on that question. Nope. I don’t want to even consider.
LEIGH
I don’t understand why that makes you an idiot.
SYDNEY
Because this is a job.
That’s all it is. All it was supposed to be. A job. Only tonight wasn’t about the show. How do I admit to that?
JESSIE
Catching up.
I sit on the edge of the bed and sigh as three dots appear next to Jessie’s name.
JESSIE
You knew going in that you’d probably have to kiss him.
Even if you’re pretending to fall in love with him, that’s part of it.
Leave it to Jessie to be rational at a time like this and remind me of the facts I should keep in the forefront of my mind. Being on a reality dating show with Cy means there will be a level of intimacy. But there were no cameras to pretend for. Not tonight. Not at the shelter and not in the car.
It was just the two of us.
So maybe you’re not lying to everyone else. You’re lying to yourself.
Nope. Not happening. I shake my head and send Jessie a response.
Your logic has no place here.
JESSIE
LOL.
#sorrynotsorry
You suck.
JESSIE
But you love me anyway.
She’s right. I wouldn’t trade either of them for anything.
I do. I love both of you.
LEIGH
Love you!
JESSIE
Love you! Hang in there. I have to go. Chris just got home from practice, and I need to ask him about a concert.
Topher Rivers, a.k.a. Chris, a.k.a. Jessie’s husband.
What began as an innocent nanny–single dad relationship morphed quickly into something far different.
Chris hired Jessie to take care of his four-year-old little boy and also to help him work through the grief that overtook him after losing his mother.
In a matter of months, Jessie gained a rock-star husband who’s hot AF and the cutest little boy I’ve ever seen.
LEIGH
How long until filming is done?
Based on the original timeline Sawyer got?
At least six more weeks.
If I make it that long.
After my confession in the car, I bet Cy wishes he’d sent me home during the last compass ceremony.
LEIGH
I have faith in you.
You got this.
I want to believe her. Though I don’t know that I can continue ignoring the more human side of Cy Darby for the next six weeks.
The human side attracts me. It pulls me in and holds on tight in a way that nothing else ever has.
It overrides my sanity and the boundaries I set for myself, and it’s turned me into a walking pile of hormones eager to explore the chemistry between us.
This is harder than I thought.
It’s as much of a confession as I’m going to make.
LEIGH
It’ll be worth it.
Just remember why you’re doing this.
I’m doing this so I can finally get my own division of SAFE Haven up and running. A dedicated cyber security department that keeps predators from going after unsuspecting kids.
I’m doing this for Katie.
Fuck, just thinking her name makes tears well in my eyes again. I’ll do everything I can to keep other girls from meeting the same fate.
I’m doing this to honor her.
This isn’t about Cy and the growing attraction between us.
I can’t forget that.
Thanks for giving me a pep talk.
LEIGH
Anytime.
I drop the phone onto the bed next to me and snag the iPad. Sitting crisscross, I focus on reviewing the files and I do my damndest to ignore the way my lips still tingle from Cy’s kiss.
I have to focus.
And not on Cy Darby.
Avoiding him for the next few days is laughably easy. Like maybe he’s avoiding me too.
He probably is, given your confession.
When we do see each other, we say hello, but if we’re alone, he finds a way to leave the room.
He doesn’t seek me out the way he did the day of the pool party.
There are no more intimate moments, no more glimpses of the more human side of him.
I should be thrilled that he takes Brielle on a one-on-one date.
Ecstatic when he takes Cassidy on the next.
He spends time playing chess with Jade and working out in the gym with Simone—a room I avoid like the plague after walking in on the two of them. Not that they were doing anything but working out, but I don’t want a repeat of that. Not to mention, it’s a gym.
Hard fucking pass.
He and Kendall watch a movie in the in-home theater.
He and Josie bake cookies.
I struggle with the time I’m required to spend with the women. The questions they pelt me with during interviews.
Am I growing close to Cy?
I can’t really say no. So I tell the camera that we’ve connected and I look forward to continuing to build that connection.
Am I looking forward to getting a date card?
Again, no.
The other women have all been giddy, practically squealing when they receive those stupid pieces of cardstock with cryptic riddles about the activities planned for them. Since I have to play a part, I squeal along with them. The jealousy, stupid bitch that she is, isn’t hard to fake.
And in my spare time, I sneak off to my room, ferreting away cans of Pringles so I don’t have to risk conversation with anyone when I need an emergency snack.
I’ve spent hours trying to figure out who Scarlett is.
Poring over files, sending questions to Cole, exploring rabbit hole after empty rabbit hole.
If Scarlett’s here, she hasn’t made herself known. And nothing Cole has sent me points me in the right direction either.
Maybe she isn’t here. Maybe we placed too much faith in her claim that she would be.
So I keep searching. By myself. I don’t bother forming friendships. I don’t need the help of Sawyer and Cole. And that’s all okay with me. I’ve spent the majority of my professional life working alone. Hacking isn’t really a team sport.
The one downside to being on my own is that there are few ways to distract myself from my thoughts. And my brain keeps circling back to the same two questions: What has Cy said about Katie on camera? and What will the next compass ceremony bring?
Though that second question isn’t too hard to answer. I have zero doubt that Cy will send me home. A fact I’ve just communicated to Leigh and Jessie.
LEIGH
You don’t know that.
I snort a laugh. It’s obvious. Why else would he be avoiding me like this?
Honestly, it’s okay. I can work on digging up Scarlett’s identity from home. Or I’ll find another way to get my cyber security division.
I don’t think he could avoid me any more thoroughly, even if he tried.
If he could send me home without the ceremony, I’m sure he would have by now.
I checked with Alicia, asking her whether Cy could send me home outside of a ceremony.
According to her, the show rules prohibit a seeker from sending home a contestant outside of the compass ceremonies.
But the contestant can voluntarily leave.
Fuck. As tempting as it is, I have a stalker to catch.
There’s a short knock on the door, and then it flies open.
“What the fuck?” Heart lurching, I slide my phone under my pillow. When Mara bursts in, I blow out a long breath.
She’s the one person here who knows I have electronics. But what the fuck? What if I had been changing? What if I had been engaging in some “alone time”?
That’s a funny way to say masturbating.
Not that I’d do it on the job. Even with the erotic dreams I’ve had the last few nights featuring a certain former boy bander.
“Come with me,” she demands, stepping into the middle of the room.