Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
FIVE DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS
Waking up wrapped around Felix was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I have never felt so safe, so comfortable, as I did in that moment.
But the moment had to break.
I knew it would, but a selfish part of me wanted to extend it as long as I could. But I was working the early shift at the coffee shop, and I couldn’t let Sylvia down.
I slipped out of the nest while he was still asleep, and it may have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I must have lingered in the doorway for ten minutes, just watching him sleep.
Will he be upset or relieved that I am not there when he wakes?
I was still riding the high from finally getting to be with him until Gabriel showed up at the front of the line.
On the surface, scent matching with Gabriel should have been the push I needed to take my friendship with Felix to the next level.
We are both drawn to Felix, and I know Felix wants Gabriel. Would he be willing to give us a shot, knowing that I am matched to the Alpha he wants?
But a part of me fears that confessing my feelings to Felix could destroy everything, and I refuse to risk losing him with the hope that he shares my feelings.
And there is no way, if he knew I was scent matched to Gabriel, he would pursue anything with the Alpha, so I’d lose him and he’d lose Gabriel, and literally no one would be happy.
Which is why I don’t want to have this conversation with Gabriel, and I would’ve been happy to blow him off and ignore him if my boss weren’t such a meddler.
I pour steamed milk onto the sweetened espresso and carry the two cups I just brewed over to the corner table, sitting down and sliding one to Gabriel.
“I don’t have long.”
He leans forward, resting his elbows on the table as he cradles the warm cup. “I want to know you, Clara.”
“You don’t want me. You just think I smell good.”
I’m being obtuse, I know that. I’ve heard about scent matches my entire life. It’s in our music, on our televisions, in our books. There is even a section of biology taught in school about the science behind scent matches.
The consensus is that our pheromones are attracted to each other because they have identified the best match for us on a chemical level.
Gabriel is supposed to be one of the very few people who are literally made for me.
It’s estimated that everyone has fewer than ten scent matches in the entire world.
Given that there are over eight billion people in the world, the likelihood of meeting one is slim.
The whole thing can seem a lot like magic when you think about it.
Or, as Sylvia says, fate.
However, being a scent match doesn’t guarantee everything will work out. It doesn’t mean they’re good people. I’ve seen the news stories about Omegas being abused by their scent matches, because human nature does not override biology.
Some people are just cunts.
Not to say that I think Gabriel is one of those people. Everything that Felix has told me suggests he is a good, stand-up Alpha. He’s handsome, has a successful career, and yeah, he smells delicious.
The sweet, creamy peppermint scent of his pheromones overwhelms every other smell in the cafe, which is a feat.
Anyone would be lucky to be on the receiving end of Gabriel’s attention. It’s just not supposed to be me.
I love Felix enough to step back and let him pursue things with Gabriel, because I’ve seen the look on his face when he talks about his boss. I think there could be something special between the two of them.
“It’s not because you smell good. How can you liken something so special to a candle?”
I rub the bridge of my nose, struggling to keep my emotions under control.
“Fine. I get it. Scent matches are rare. I know that. But that doesn’t change the situation.
Felix has feelings for you, and I will not take the Alpha that he wants away from him.
Do you realize how awful some Alphas are?
He deserves someone who will love him and treat him right.
Good Alphas are hard to find, and I know you are one, Gabriel.
I don’t have to spend a lot of time around you to know that.
Felix deserves to be happy with someone like you. ”
“And you don’t?”
The silence stretches between us as I mull over his words. “It’s not that I don’t deserve happiness. It’s that my happiness is secondary to Felix’s. I’ll do whatever it takes to make sure that man has everything he could want.”
Gabriel scrubs his hand across his face. “And if he wants both of us?”
I bite the inside of my cheek to keep from crying. How I wish that were the case.
“He doesn’t, Gabriel. We slept together last night, and he made sure I knew it meant nothing. He didn’t take advantage of my feelings or anything. I was aware of his expectations going into it. I knew it would break my heart, and I did it anyway.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand, rubbing his cheek on my wrist. His scent soothes my churning stomach.
“Is it possible that he said that because he has feelings for you and thinks that you don’t feel the same? What if he was telling you he wasn’t expecting anything more from you, not that you shouldn’t expect more from him?”
I shake my head, trying to rip my hand away from the Alpha, but he clamps down and holds me tight. “No, that’s not it. He doesn’t feel the same way. He needs an Alpha, not a Beta, and I know that as well as he does.”
“Fine. Go clock out. Let’s go see him right now. I’ll tell him I have feelings for him. And if, like you claim, he reciprocates those feelings, then I’ll tell him you’re my scent match, and you’ll see how much he cares about you.”
He pushes to his feet, not dropping my hand, forcing me to stand with him. It’s not aggressive, and unless I scream, we won’t make a scene, but he still holds me tight, forcing me to face him and not run away. “No. No, I can’t. I can’t lose him.”
“Why are you so afraid?” my Alpha hisses.
“Because he’s all I have!” My chest aches, and I finally wrench my hand free so I can clutch it.
“He’s it. I’m not close to my parents or siblings.
They live across the country. For a decade, it’s just been Felix and me.
He’s my fucking family, and if I lose him, I don’t know if I can survive.
Right now, he either loves me or he doesn’t.
I don’t know which, but I can still hold a little hope in my chest that maybe one day, he’ll tell me he feels the same way.
But what if I open up that box and the cat is dead, Gabriel? ”
“Of course, the cat is dead! How is a cat going to survive being locked in a box? It’d die eventually!
” He takes a step toward me and grabs me gently by the shoulders, pulling me against his firm chest. “If you ignore this, if you don’t try, the cat is certain to die.
Love cannot exist in a vacuum. It has to be nurtured.
The longer this goes on, the higher the likelihood that the cat is dead before you get up the courage to open the box. ”
He grabs my chin, tilting my head up so I stare into his dark eyes. “Are you a coward, Clara? Or are you willing to be brave?”
I can’t stop the fearful tears that roll down my cheeks. I know that talking to Felix about my feelings could fix everything. I could have everything I ever wanted.
Or the cat could be dead.
“I’m a coward.”
He drops me and takes several steps back, sadness rendering his handsome face into something devastating.
“I want to try with you, Clara, I do. I have spent my entire life hoping to meet a scent match, and to find one here, in a small town like Copper Hill, feels like a wish come true. But it looks like I will not get my Christmas miracle.”
My throat tightens, and my vision swims. I wish it didn’t have to be like this. If Gabriel were anyone other than the Alpha Felix wants, we could make this work. I haven’t closed off my heart to others just because Felix holds part of it.
Gabriel pulls on his coat and pulls his gloves out of his pockets, sliding them on as he continues speaking. He won’t even make eye contact with me.
“You refuse to give me a chance because the person you love has feelings for me. I’m not trying to invalidate your feelings, but I don’t understand you.
The three of us could be happy together, and you refuse even to try.
You’re not just hurting yourself with your selfishness.
We will all suffer because of it. I know you think you’re limiting everyone else’s pain by taking it on yourself, but you’re not.
Because, despite how happy I know Felix could make me, I’d be without you, my scent match.
We’d never get the chance to see who we could be together. I will feel your absence like a wound.”
I don’t know what to say to Gabriel, but even if I did, before I can formulate a response he turns around and walks out the door.