CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Toro is trying to kiss me. I had been so caught up in my thoughts I didn’t notice that he was slowly inching closer to me with a new curious expression.
Without thinking I splay my hand across his face and push him back.
A confused whine rips from his throat like he’s been physically wounded in response.
“No. I’m sorry, no. We aren’t… you just…” I don’t even know how to word this next part. You just ate human? You just ate my friend? The situation would almost be comical if I wasn’t about to shut down at any moment.
Toro seems to understand, maybe. It’s hard to tell when he’s just staring at me. I guess that isn’t the nicest response to someone trying to have their first kiss with you, but the minute the sweet scent hit my face I just couldn’t stop myself.
Still, he shoots up. He noiselessly retreats to the bathroom, almost speedwalking to get there.
There’s the sound of running water, and then he returns with this silly look on his face.
With eyes all wide and hopeful, he leans in closer to not-so-accidentally blow air right in my face.
It’s minty, like toothpaste. He brushed his teeth.
He brushed his teeth because he wants to kiss me.
Shouldn’t I say no?
This isn’t something I should be okay with.
But I won't stop him, not when in the deepest parts of my psyche I want it too. The mattress creaks when he leans in, seemingly testing the waters of what I’ll allow.
His face is hidden in the crook of my neck, and I feel the most hesitant kiss plant itself just above my collarbone.
A shaky hand rests on his back, my finger tracing an idle circle. My eyes hesitantly roam down his body, taking in the sight of him. All big and broad—muscular but soft at the same time.
I can’t lie, it’s exciting. Not once in my life have I ever been so close to someone like this.
Toro saved me, and he’s always been around.
Holding me, comforting me, doing his best to make me feel okay even if leaving isn’t an option.
The threadbare shirt I’m wearing doesn’t even belong to me.
It’s his, but he gave it to me so I’d be warm.
If I was truly scared of him, wouldn’t I have tried to run away again by now? I would’ve done something stupid and gotten myself killed already.
He listened, too. When I didn’t want him anywhere near me Toro eventually got the memo. He didn’t try to force something that wasn’t there. It might just be a quick little kiss to him, but to me—it’s nothing but a bad idea. I’m sure of that, yet I still almost want to do it.
Is that bad?
He’s waiting so patiently for me, looking at me like I hold up the moon, the stars, and everything in between. I don’t want to run, in fact—I kind of want to stay. I want to find out more about him, find out why he’s so sickeningly sweet despite living like this.
His kisses flutter all the way up my neck, the last one landing right on my jaw.
Honey brown eyes meet mine, and his nerves must really be getting to him because he looks terrified.
I don’t really need to imagine what he’s thinking right now, because his hands are gripping mine like a lifeline.
Our fingers are interlocked, and I know that he’s scared of this—of being close to someone.
I am too.
“Hey…” My voice is the softest I’ve ever heard it, my head ducking in to rub our noses together. “It’s okay. I’ve… I haven’t done this before, either. Just go slow, and we’ll figure it out—”
He leans in to try and capture my mouth against his, but I raise two fingers to stop him. Toro whines like a kicked dog, eyes like saucers and focused solely on me. I can’t do it. I’m not ready. Not after what I just saw. Not after what I know.
“I’m sorry.” I’ve been saying that a lot recently. The maroon wallpaper of his bedroom feels a lot closer now, and despite the Texas heat I’m feeling so very cold. “I’m not ready. I’m sorry…”
Toro blinks slowly, before pushing himself up. He lets his face fall into my chest, looking up at me through messy dark curls. I think he understands. He’s content to just lay with me, nuzzling into me like I’m the best pillow he has.
Leaning back on his bed, I stare at the ceiling.
When did things get so confusing? It’s not supposed to be like this.
I’m not supposed to be here, either. Technically he’s holding me here, but it doesn’t feel like it.
He treats me like a delicate little flower, and if I didn’t know any better I’d say he needed me.
I sneak a glance at him, only to find that he’s fast asleep now. I barely know what to make of anything anymore. He’s snoring quietly, looking so content and happy despite the fact he didn’t get what he wanted—a kiss.
I don’t know what to call this. What to call us.
All I know is I want more. I want to know about him.
The real him. Not the monster his family tries to present him as.
He’s not a monster. He’s Toro. The man who saved me because I gave him cookies.
The man who… confuses me. But right now it’s simple: he’s the man I’m cuddling with.