CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Standing outside Toro’s bedroom has never felt so nauseating until now. Damien is a liar. He can charm anyone but nothing he ever says is true. I know that. I know that… But why do I still feel so anxious about it?
Do I really not trust Toro? I thought I did. I want to trust him, I want to trust him as much as he wants me to trust him. He would never hurt me, that I’m sure of. But have other people been on the table this whole time and I never realized it?
There’s no answers to be found out in the hallway, so with a shaky breath I push the door open. He’s still sleeping peacefully. I don’t want to believe Damien, I don’t. But that grating voice in the back of my head won’t let me drop it.
I skulk across the room, tapping his shoulder.
He shifts but doesn’t wake up, and only after I begin shaking him like mad does he actually open his eyes.
He’s confused, eyes darting around the room before finding me.
He immediately relaxes when he does, beginning to smile at me even though I woke him up.
At the moment I almost consider letting it go entirely. How could I ever not trust someone who can look at me so sweetly?
“Hi.” He mumbles, voice thick with sleep.
I want to say hi back, to kiss his forehead. But not until this is done with. “We have to talk.”
The little smile he was forming dies before it finishes, looking at me with confusion in his eyes. “Huh…?”
“When you and Damien went to town… did you do anything?”
Toro squints, thinking for a second. “Chocolate. Got you it.”
“Yeah,” I nod, “but did you do anything else? Anything… bad?”
He’s frowning now, quickly sitting up straight. I don’t like the way he’s looking at me. Not because it’s scaring me, but because it’s making me feel guilty. “Bad? Not bad…”
“Damien said… said you hurt someone.”
Toro pauses, expression shifting to something undeniable: hurt. He looks upset. I just hurt him by asking him that. Oh god. “No…” His voice is so little it shatters my heart.
“Okay,” I gulp, moving to sit with him on the bed. He reaches an arm out and stops me, eyes searching mine for an answer I don’t have.
“Don’t… trust me?”
“I do. I do trust you. That’s why I came to ask you. I promise I believe you, Toro. I just needed to hear it from you.”
He still seems apprehensive, but he doesn’t think twice before scooping me up into his lap. His limbs curl around me, like a big fleshy cage that I don’t even want to get out of. “Okay? It’s okay?”
“It’s okay,” I affirm. “I love you.”
That seems to help since his body immediately relaxes. “Love you. Love you… a lot. Don’t want to be… bad.”
“I know, and you’re doing such a good job.” I kiss his neck, smiling to myself at the way his shoulders raise like he didn’t expect it. “You’re so good, Toro.”
“For you…”
My heart can’t take it anymore. I hug him tighter, feeling so stupid for ever even considering anything Damien says. I just feel grateful. Grateful that he forgave me so quickly. Grateful that he didn’t lose his cool as badly as I did.
“Love you,” I say again, too mentally exhausted for anything else. “I’m sorry I interrupted your nap. I’m sorry I…”
Toro doesn’t seem to mind, since he pulls me back down with him. His head hits the pillow with a soft sound, his hair messy thanks to how much he moves around in his sleep. “You stay?”
“Yeah, okay.” There’s no way in hell I’m turning him down, not now. Not when I nearly broke his heart in two. I feel as though I have to make it up to him, but I don’t know how. “Are you mad at me?”
“No,” he grunts, kissing the top of my head. “Never.”
It’s comforting but the guilt still remains to eat away at me. He’s so sweet it hurts, so undeserving of all the cards life dealt him. Maybe I’m just overly emotional right now, well—I’m definitely overly emotional right now. But I just need him to know how much I care.
“Tor?” My voice is quiet, but not scared. Never scared. He mumbles out a “huh?” and looks down at me. I notice the faint trace of worry in his gaze, which makes me feel like shit. I force myself to smile for him, so he knows he has my whole heart and nothing but. “Maybe we should go on a date?”
He swallows, clearly taken aback by the suggestion. “D-Date…?”
I nod. “Yeah. We can go to town and you can show me around. We can hold hands and walk down the street, and—”
“No.”
“What?”
“No.” Stone-faced, his grip on me tightens. Not enough to hurt, but enough for me to feel it. I know it’s out of desperation, not out of anger. “No town. No date.”
He’s scared, I can see that. I can see through him like he’s made out of glass most times. “I won’t run. I wouldn’t do that, Toro.”
“No town,” he repeats with a trembling voice. “Please…”
“I’m not leaving you,” I say while pushing myself up to cup his cheeks. “I promise, Toro. You think I’m gonna go to town and run away? Really? After everything?”
Toro goes through a rollercoaster of emotions before finally ending at something akin to resignation. He whines right in my ear, sniffling as he pulls me up flush against his body. “Need you…”
“You have me,” I coo, kissing his jaw. “It’s just a date, Toro. Promise.”
I know he doesn’t want to, that much is obvious. But he sighs, nodding weakly. “...Kay.”
“Really!?” I perk up at the thought of us actually getting away from this farm for a while. “You mean it? You won’t change your mind?”
His lips curve upwards at my reaction. “No. We… We go. Date.”
“You won’t regret it, Tor. Promise.”
Toro just huffs again, mashing his face into my shoulder. “Promise…?”
“Promise.”