Chapter Nine
Y es, this, this is what I need . Carrigan twined her arms around James’s neck, trying to get closer. Every second he spent kissing her, the memory of Chauncy’s wormy lips on hers moved a little farther away. She pulled back enough to say, “Touch me.”
For a second, she thought he might tell her no, but then he shifted, lifting her into his lap and scooting closer to the wall.
To the shadows. His big body dwarfed hers, his arms easily cradling her against his chest. The position was all wrong to ease the aching between her thighs, but it would do. For now.
She kissed him again, needing the escape it seemed only he could give her.
He sank his hands into her hair, tipping her head back and devouring her mouth as if it was the best thing he’d ever tasted.
She could feel him hard beneath her ass, and she rolled her hips, wishing this booth was somewhere more private.
He must have been thinking the same thing, because he rested his forehead against hers. “As much as I’m enjoying this, lovely, I’m not about to fuck you in this booth, and if we don’t stop, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”
That didn’t sound like a bad thing, which just proved that she was out of her damn mind. She shivered, her hands compulsively clenching his hair. He closed his eyes and growled, so she did it again. “Carrigan—”
“Take me somewhere.” Anywhere, just as long as it meant she didn’t have to come back down from the contact high his mouth gave her. Reality could wait. Right now she wanted an escape more than she wanted anything else in this world.
Again, there was that hesitation, like he thought he should refuse her.
She’d never taken James for a gentleman, but that was the feeling she got when he looked at her with those pale blue eyes that were like the hottest fire.
He caught her chin in a painless, unforgiving grip.
“I’ll give you what you want, what we both want—on one condition.
You tell me what the fuck happened tonight. ”
She didn’t want to. He’d chased the memory away, and she didn’t want to do anything to bring it back to the forefront of her mind. And definitely not to confess it to this man.
But who else could she tell? Teague? If he knew, it’d only make his guilt worse.
Or he’d decide to put everything he’d worked so hard for in jeopardy by doing something unforgivable to Chauncy.
Not unforgivable as far as she was concerned—the man deserved a good beating—but there were consequences.
There were always consequences. And if she told Sloan…
No, it wasn’t even an option. Her sister already looked like a woman with one foot in the grave.
Carrigan refused to be the thing that pushed her over the edge.
James alone didn’t have a horse in this race. He might be too arrogant for his own good, but he was a Halloran. When it came right down to it, they’d always be on opposite sides of the line in the sand.
Not to mention the carrot he dangled in front of her was one she’d commit unmentionable sins to get. “Okay, fine.”
He hauled her out of the booth and tossed a handful of cash on the table. “Let’s go.” He took her hand and led the way through the back door. In the alley, he paused. “You have a man with you?”
It took a second for his words to penetrate. “Right. Liam.” She dug her phone out of her purse and typed out a quick text. The bodyguard wouldn’t be happy, but there wasn’t much he could do. And, really, he was rarely happy with the stunts she pulled.
They stopped in front of a cherry red muscle car.
She raised her eyebrows, but there wasn’t much to say.
It fit James perfectly, all coiled strength beneath a rough exterior, ready to unleash at a moment’s notice.
He held the door for her and she slipped into the passenger seat.
“What would I have to do to get you to let me drive this thing?”
His unexpected grin sent her heart hurtling into her stomach. “For you, lovely? All you have to do is ask. Scoot.” He tossed her the keys and nodded to the driver’s seat.
That was all the encouragement she needed. Carrigan hauled her dress up to her thighs and hopped the gearshift to settle behind the wheel. She turned over the engine, a stupid smile spreading over her face at the responding roar it gave.
“You know how to drive a stick?”
“Yeah.” Her oldest brother, Aiden, had taught her when she turned sixteen. She hadn’t had a chance to use the skill much in the intervening years, but it was like riding a bike. She hoped.
“Then take her down 93 south and open her up.”
This car had the feel of something well loved and completely pampered.
She didn’t get the feeling he let many people behind the wheel…
and he was letting her. Carrigan glanced over to find him watching her, an unreadable expression on his face.
Like he didn’t know what to think of her.
Considering she didn’t know what the hell she thought of him, she should find it comforting.
She threw the car into gear and pulled onto the street.
It took twenty minutes to get out of Boston, and she kept expecting James to start his interrogation.
To be perfectly honest, she would have told him damn near anything he wanted as long as he let her drive this thing.
Behind the wheel she felt totally and completely in control, like she could do anything she set her mind to.
The only downside was that it was too cold to roll down the windows and really feel how fast they were going.
The comfortable silence continued as she drove south, getting off 93 and working her way by memory through the smaller highways. It was only when she turned into the access road that led into World’s End park that James spoke. “Are you planning on taking me out here and murdering me?”
She laughed. “Just your virtue.”
“Thank fucking Christ for that.” But he didn’t immediately jump her when she put the car into park and turned off the engine.
The darkness felt more absolute here, as if they were the only two people left in the world.
“This park used to scare me.” She wasn’t sure where the words came from, but she kept talking.
“My family isn’t big on camping—as you can imagine—but my brothers dragged me out here when we were in high school.
Nothing particularly traumatic happened, but being surrounded by trees with no noise from civilization still makes my skin crawl. ”
“Totally makes sense why you brought us out here, then.”
She glanced at him, but the lack of light made his expression indecipherable.
It was easier to talk to him this way, without those blue eyes that seemed to take in too much drilling into her.
Strangely enough, a perverse part of her missed them all the same.
“The stars seem brighter out here.” She opened her door and climbed into the night.
The cold hit her hard enough to make her shiver, but there was something about it that was almost as cleansing as James’s kiss.
She inhaled deeply, letting it scour away the last traces of her date.
James followed, meeting her at the front of the car and leaning on the hood.
He tilted his head back, revealing a throat she wanted to nibble on.
“They’re bright.” Without looking at her, he snagged her wrist and towed her closer.
The warmth of the engine battled the cold that made her breath ghost in front of her.
The circles he traced on the sensitive skin of her wrist only heated her further. “Now, lovely.”
She looked at the stars because they were easier to face than the man next to her.
“My father gave me a list of men he decided were eligible. Tonight was my first date.” She shuddered at the memories pushing against her.
It didn’t make any sense. Nothing particularly horrible had happened.
She’d had unwanted men kiss her before, had been forced to pull similar moves, and it had never brought up the core-deep revulsion currently leaving an acrid taste in the back of her throat.
She’d never lost it like she almost did tonight.
Not once. “He got handsy. I was forced to defend myself, though Liam would have taken care of him if I hadn’t been able to.
” But she’d needed to be the one to do it.
She was so goddamn tired of being forced to rely on the men in her life for every little thing.
This, at least, she’d been able to do for herself.
James was so tense beside her, he seemed about to erupt into violence at the drop of a hat. She braced herself for him to demand the name of the man who touched her without permission, or to throw out threats that he may or may not even plan on following through with.
But he surprised her again. “Did you hurt him?”
She sure as hell hoped so. “He’ll be singing soprano for a few hours, at least.”
“Good.” And that was that. His thumb continued those circles that both soothed and made her skin prickle.
She waited, but he didn’t seem inclined to ask any more questions.
The man never stopped surprising her. She wasn’t sure what she thought about that.
Letting the subject drop was fine with her, though, because she was more interested in the other half of their bargain than she was with treading over things she couldn’t change and would rather not think about.
“Make me forget for a while, James. Please.”
* * *
How could he resist her?
James couldn’t. He might be seeing red and determined to figure out who the fuck “got handsy” with her so he could go rip the man to pieces, but the desire for her undercut all that.
She needed him. That’s why he was here tonight, and that was a gift so priceless, he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he didn’t deserve it.
Because there was no way he wouldn’t fuck this up.