Chapter Eighteen
Noah
“Hey,” Spencer said as he welcomed me into his cosy, colourful house for the umpteenth time in as many days.
It was starting to feel familiar, even if I’d only really spent time in the kitchen.
I wasn’t counting waking up in his bed since I could barely remember being there.
My overriding recollections from that morning were dizziness, nausea, and the welcoming embrace of a bacon, brie, and avocado sandwich.
And Spencer’s smile. That had been the best part.
It had almost been worth the crippling hangover.
“Hey,” I said as I stepped inside and pushed the door closed behind me. It clicked shut, but for the first time, Spencer didn’t immediately head towards the kitchen. Instead, we stood staring at each other, waiting for someone to move first. “I—”
But whatever I’d been meaning to say was swallowed up by Spencer’s mouth pressed firmly against mine as he closed the distance between us and wrapped his hand around my neck, drawing me deeper into the kiss.
It wasn’t the greatest kiss I’d ever had because although Spencer’s lips were soft, they were pressed so hard against mine it just felt odd.
It felt like Spencer had wavered between tentative and determined and had gone for the latter.
But still, Spencer was kissing me, so I couldn’t complain too much.
“Shit,” he said as he released me. We were still nose to nose, and I could virtually count his eyelashes. “Sorry, that was bad. You’re going to think I’m such a shit kisser.”
“It’s fine,” I said, letting one of my hands come up to rest on his chest while the other reached for his waist. “Are you nervous?”
“Yeah…” He huffed out a laugh. “Guess it’s really obvious.”
“A little, but it’s cute. Want to tell me what you’re nervous about?”
“Being a shit kisser for one,” Spencer said.
“Last night was amazing, but today I just kept thinking that I might be really shit at everything in person. Like what if I’m okay at sex with women but not with men?
What if I’m just bad at sex with everyone, but nobody’s ever told me? I don’t want you to be disappointed.”
I stroked his chest with my fingers, trying to soothe his worries.
His anxiety was almost adorable because I would never have dreamt someone like Spencer would have those worries.
But he didn’t need to hear that from me.
That would just make everything worse because it would be like I was telling him his fears weren’t valid or, even worse, belittling him for having those emotions.
“I won’t be,” I said. “It’s fine to be nervous, especially because this is new for you.
But that’s what communication is for. If either of us likes something or wants something a little different, we can just say so.
” I looked up into his beautiful grey eyes.
“And we can take it slowly. There’s a big difference between jerking off to fantasies and reality. ”
“Okay… yeah.” Spencer nodded. “Can I try again?”
“Yeah.”
He drew my lips towards his, slower this time. His touch was almost tentative. His lips brushed against mine, and a little shiver ran across my skin. This kiss was totally different. It was gentle but insistent with a simmering heat underneath that promised so much more.
One kiss melted into another and then another. I let Spencer take the lead, but it was easy to show him what I wanted.
Spencer brushed his tongue against my bottom lip, and I moaned quietly.
His tongue slipped inside my mouth to caress mine, and it was like a switch had suddenly been flipped.
Spencer’s nerves seemed to evaporate, and I felt his confidence growing as he drew me closer until we were pressed together, then slowly walked me backwards until my back hit the front door.
After that, all bets were off.
My hand slipped under the hem of Spencer’s t-shirt, finally connecting with his skin in a moment I’d been dreaming about for years, which sounded creepier than I’d imagined.
His body was firm against mine, but his skin was soft and bleeding heat into my touch.
Spencer let out a muffled gasp as I slid my fingers up his sides and across his abdomen.
Spencer’s hand cupped my neck, but his other started to wander down my side. I was happy to let him explore, but I wasn’t prepared for the way he went for my stomach, caressing it gently like it was beautiful and something to be revered.
My stomach had always been my least favourite part of my body, and despite my attempts at radical self-acceptance, or at least some kind of body neutrality on the days when I felt like shit, it was still one part of myself I struggled with.
It was too round and big and squishy, and I’d never liked the way it stuck out in front of me.
Most of the time, I tried not to care, but there was a reason I tended to avoid close-fitting t-shirts and being shirtless around people I wasn’t totally comfortable with.
It was why I sometimes preferred having sex in low-lit rooms when I first met someone and carefully chose the position so my belly wouldn’t be the thing they focused on.
Or the thing I focused on.
Alex had pointed out, more than once, that men knew what I looked like before we started fucking, and if they didn’t find me attractive, they wouldn’t be there. I understood his point, even if I sometimes wished he had more tact. But that was my best friend.
And why the fuck was I thinking about him right now while I was making out with his brother?
“You okay?” Spencer asked, and I realised I’d frozen. He lifted his hands away and took a step back. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” It was a horrible lie, and both of us knew it. “I, er… I get a little bit self-conscious about my stomach. I know we wouldn’t be doing this if you didn’t find me attractive, but I still worry.”
Spencer smiled at me and moved closer again, his hand coming to rest on my stomach.
“If it helps, I love your body. I think you’re sexy as fuck.
When you first came back to mine, when you were drunk, I thought you were gorgeous…
even though I thought it was just like a friendly thing.
And I promise I didn’t look that much. Just, like, what was necessary to help you get undressed.
” He flushed slightly and bit his lip. “And watching that video you sent me… Fuck, I nearly came as soon as I opened it. But I don’t want you to feel self-conscious, so is there anything I can do to make it better? ”
“Not really, but that helps,” I said, surprised at how much his words had affected me. I’d heard them before, but there was something about the way Spencer said them, looking into my eyes with his hand on my stomach that soothed my worries.
It didn’t magically undo years of self-consciousness or make me forget my fears—that was never going to happen with the equivalent of a finger snap—but it was a tiny step forward. At least for today.
“I think everyone has things they worry about or don’t like about their body.
Even me,” Spencer said. “And I’m not trying to, like, downplay your emotions or make you feel like they don’t matter just because everyone has hang-ups, but what I mean is that everyone has them, so…
Fuck, I’m not doing a good job of explaining myself. ”
“It’s okay. I know what you mean.” I leant into his touch and kissed him again. “And thank you.”
Spencer was trying, and that was all that mattered to me. I still didn’t quite believe that he found me as sexy as he said, but that was my issue, not his. I knew Spencer wasn’t the type to lie to me just to get me into bed.
“You’re welcome.”
“Can I ask… What don’t you like? I mean, to me you’re perfect. Literally perfect,” I said as I wrapped my arms around his waist.
“Er, it’s weird, but I don’t like my feet.
I don’t know why, but I feel like they’re too big, like clown feet.
And I wish my butt was bigger. I’ve tried all the exercises to build muscle there, and it’s coming on, but I think I’m doomed to always have more of a pancake butt.
” A blush spread across Spencer’s nose, and I leant up to kiss it.
“I don’t think you have a pancake butt at all,” I said.
“I think it’s the perfect size.” I slid my hands down the bottom of his back and brought them to rest on his ass.
I watched Spencer’s face to make sure he wasn’t uncomfortable, and then I gently squeezed the firm globes of his butt, trying to keep my own excitement in check. “Definitely perfect.”
Spencer swallowed. “Yeah?”
“Yes, I love it.”
“Can I…”
“Yes,” I said. “Touch me, Spencer, please.”
Slowly, Spencer’s hands moved down my stomach to rest on my hips before circling around to my ass. His touch was tentative like he still couldn’t believe this was happening. I exhaled as he caressed my ass, then squeezed gently, somehow managing to pull me closer.
“Your butt is perfect too,” he said.
“Thanks.” I smirked at him as a little voice in my head started to whisper filthy ideas. “You’re welcome to play with it whenever you want.”
“You might regret that,” Spencer said, a sly smile crossing his lips. “Or maybe not…”
He kissed me deeply, sliding his tongue into my mouth as his hands gripped my ass. I let out a muffled groan, my cock throbbing in my jeans.
We were still standing in Spencer’s hall, and while it was fun to know we’d barely made it beyond the front door, I really wanted to find somewhere softer so I could explore his body more thoroughly.
“Sofa?” I asked, pulling back just enough to make myself heard. “Or bedroom? Or we can stop if you want.”
“No stopping,” Spencer said. He released my ass and grabbed my hand, pulling me towards his living room with such force that I nearly tripped over my own feet. I laughed because Spencer’s eagerness was infectious.
There were lamps on in the living room that gave the whole room a warm glow.
The walls were a soothing yellow-orange with bright, white trim.
There was a large mirror above a fireplace, and the mantelpiece had three large LEGO dinosaurs arranged across it.
The large, squishy-looking sofa and armchair were both deep teal, and I noticed the wall above the sofa had a pretty selection of pictures arranged in white frames.
It was another room that was so utterly Spencer, and I felt so lucky to get insight into his charming, colourful world.
I didn’t get much time to look at the details, though, because Spencer was still pulling me towards the sofa. He shoved the orange-and-white throw pillows onto the floor, and the two of us fell onto it.
Spencer was underneath me, spreading his legs around me and wrapping his hand around my neck to pull me in for more desperate kisses.
With every kiss, we became more in sync, the earlier awkwardness evaporating as we slipped into heated exploration.
Spencer’s hips ground up against me, and I groaned as I felt his hard cock rub against mine.
Spencer moaned and thrust up again, desperately seeking more friction.
I pressed down against him, giving him something to grind against as my hands worked their way under his t-shirt.
I pushed it up as best I could, letting my fingers slide along his skin.
I broke from his mouth to start kissing along his jaw, and Spencer groaned out broken words as he tipped his head back so I could tease my lips down his neck.
“Do you like that?” I asked.
“Y-yeah, I do… Fuck… I want…”
“What do you want?” I asked gently, looking down at the beautiful man spread out beneath me, who seemed at a complete loss for words.
“I don’t know.” He tilted his head to grin up at me. “Everything? Is that an option?”
I chuckled. “It can be.”
“Good. Can it start with getting naked? Or at least, like, a few layers less?”
“Yeah, we can start with that.” I took a deep breath and reached for the hem of my hoodie.
“Only if you’re sure,” Spencer said. “I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”
“Thank you.” I leant down to kiss him softly. “But I want this too.”
I sat up and pulled my hoodie and t-shirt off at once, letting my eyes linger on the wall above Spencer’s head for just a second longer. Then Spencer whistled, his hands coming up to touch my body and sending shivers across my skin.
“Fuck me, you’re sexy,” he said in a low, awed voice. “Can we have sex?”