Chapter Thirty
Spencer
“Are you ready?” Sean asked as I pulled on my new football shirt in the leisure centre’s changing room.
The shirt was bright blue with my name and number across the back in white and a little rainbow flag printed on the chest. Andrew had organised them since we all had to match, and he’d gone the whole hog and gotten us personalised shirts.
“I think so,” I said. “Feels weird to be playing some sort of match again.”
“You’ll be great,” Sean said. “Just take it steady and don’t try any theatrics. They’re not exactly PSG or Real Madrid.”
“We’re fucked if they are.” I chuckled. I still couldn’t believe how quickly our first game had come around. It seemed like only yesterday Chris had first asked me about it, and now we were about to play our first matches. The past six weeks had flown by.
It had taken me a couple of practices to get my act together and start remembering how to play, but that was mostly because my body was more akin to a nineties computer than the latest iPhone.
But once I’d remembered, I’d started being able to pass and defend with ease.
I still avoided tackling people where possible and found it easier to steal the ball mid-pass than attempt anything that could end in clattering contact, but on the whole, my anxieties about being rubbish had largely faded.
But playing a game was different.
Sure, we weren’t exactly putting pressure on ourselves to win, but that didn’t stop my brain from attempting to add mental pressure to the whole scenario.
Part of me seemed to think I was about to go up against Chelsea instead of some other local lads, and another part kept reminding me I didn’t know the other guys, and they could easily do me an injury if they weren’t careful.
I’d talked to Noah about it last night just before we drifted off to sleep, and he’d listened to my rambling thoughts as if it wasn’t the umpteenth time I’d gone through them.
He’d just nodded quietly and made me do some breathing exercises that had put me to sleep faster than I’d imagined they would.
He’d also mentioned I should probably bring up my worries with my new therapist, Dean, after I’d finally conceded that it might be helpful to talk about everything that had happened, even if it was in the past.
I hadn’t been sure at first, then Dean and I had spent my first session talking about sport and comparing old injuries, and I’d realised he was more of a kindred soul than I’d anticipated.
“Looking sharp,” Andrew said, dropping his bag down next to me and pulling on his own shirt. “Good thing we’re playing on AstroTurf, though, because otherwise we’d probably end up covered in mud.”
I chuckled. “That just reminds me of playing as a kid and getting grass stains all over my shorts.”
“Man, your mum was so pissed,” Will said, and I turned to grin at him, not realising he’d come in.
“I don’t know how she expected me to stay clean,” I said.
“Probably not by celebrating on your knees.”
Everyone around me let out an undignified snort, and I laughed. “Guess I’ll have to find something different this time around.”
“Yeah, AstroTurf shreds your skin,” Sean said. “And if you’re planning on celebrating later, you probably don’t want bloody knees. Trust me.”
“Do I want to know?” I asked with a grin.
“He tried to do some sliding celebration when we were playing at uni,” Chris said, giving his husband a wry look. “Then tried to blow me later. Whimpering in pain wasn’t quite the vibe I was going for.”
“Especially when you’re not the one responsible,” Sean said with a wink.
“And that’s all we need to know about your sex life,” Andrew said, throwing a pair of socks at Sean’s head.
“What? I’ve heard much worse from you.”
“When?”
“Like that time you told us you hooked up with that guy at your zombie LARP and got fake blood all over your ass. I’m still not even sure how the fuck that happened? Did he literally dip his dick in the stuff?”
“Fun as this conversation is,” Chris said. “We’ve gotta go. Zach and Mason are downstairs waiting for us.”
There was a flurry of activity as we finished getting changed and stuffed everything into the lockers before making our way down to the leisure centre’s AstroTurf pitches.
Zach and Mason, two friends of Andrew’s from his regular LARP group who he’d roped in to fill the rest of the spots, were waiting for us.
But they weren’t the only ones.
Wrapped up against the chill of the late-November afternoon and sat in the tiny, covered stand on the other side of the fence surrounding the pitch, were all my friends.
They were sipping hot drinks in takeaway cups and talking among themselves, but when one of them, Lane from the looks of it, noticed us, they all cheered.
“Jeez,” I said, trying to pretend I wasn’t both touched and a little embarrassed by the fanfare. “You’d think we really were playing Chelsea.”
I saw Noah sitting sandwiched between Alex and Lane, wearing a thick coat and a knitted hat with a fluffy pom-pom on the top.
It looked freaking adorable on him, and when he noticed me looking, he gave me a little wave.
I waved back, my initial embarrassment receding as I realised just how much this meant to me.
They’d all given up their Saturday afternoons to come and watch me play in some local five-a-side league like it actually meant something.
And maybe it did. This might not have been the Champion’s League final or the World Cup, but they all knew, to some degree at least, what I’d been through and what this moment signified.
The weight of the gesture settled on my chest like a warm, fluffy cat—cosy and comforting.
“I didn’t realise we were going to have an audience,” Sean said.
“Me either,” I said.
“Guess we really better not fuck this up, then,” Will said. He patted my shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go and get started.”
There were a couple of matches being played today, and I soon realised our friends weren’t the only spectators, although they did turn out to be the loudest. We played two matches with a break in between, which gave us enough time to catch our breaths.
The halves weren’t long, but it was still more intense than I was used to.
We’d all decided I’d start and see how I got on because rolling substitutions meant I could tap out at any time.
It was strange lining up for kick-off on the small pitch, and it reminded me of being back at school, especially when I looked over and saw Will’s determined grimace, the same expression he’d worn at the start of each game for as long as I could remember.
Nervous excitement bubbled in my stomach, and I suddenly wondered whether I should have eaten more than some leftover bits of cinnamon bun for lunch. Then the referee had blown the whistle, and all my thoughts were whisked away on the wind.
Despite our jokes during practice that we’d probably suck at first, we’d played better together than any of us had anticipated.
Our first opponents were a group of older guys who Chris knew from the gym and were regulars in the league. They were fit and agile, but I was still faster, and despite their best attempts at defending, I still managed to slide a goal past them.
The sound of the ball hitting the back of the net was one I’d never forget as long as I lived. It echoed sweetly in my ears, and from the way everyone was cheering, you’d think this was more than just a Saturday league.
I couldn’t stop grinning as we went back to our starting positions to kick off, and a few minutes later, I decided to swap out with Mason to stop myself from pushing my body too hard.
I felt myself getting fired up, and I knew that if I wasn’t careful, I was bound to do something rash in my pursuit of glory.
And this was rec football, not the Premier League.
Winning did not mean I had to flog myself to death or sacrifice everything. In fact, I thought Noah would be pretty pissed if I hurt myself trying to win a Saturday league match. And then I’d just get a hard stare instead of a fun celebration this evening.
As I’d looked over at him while I was catching my breath, it was easy to see the pride radiating out of him. Not just because I’d scored but because I’d stopped too. I was putting myself first. Heck, I was even proud of myself.
We ended up winning our first match two to one with Chris scoring the winner not long before the final whistle. We’d celebrated the win with both hugs and long drinks of water, all of us complaining about how spending hours doing cardio in the gym seemed to mean nothing on the pitch.
At the break, I’d wandered over to talk to Noah. He hopped down out of the stands, and when he reached me, he slid me a Snickers through a gap in the fence.
“For your blood sugar,” he said. “You’re doing awesome. Are you having fun?”
“Yeah. I almost wish we’d done it sooner.
I know they’ve been running the league here for a couple of years now.
” I shook my head. Wishful thinking wasn’t going to get me anywhere, especially because of how reluctant I’d been to join in the first place.
Without Noah pushing and supporting me, I might not even have taken the leap.
“You’re here now, though, and I’m proud of you.”
“Cheers.” I reached out and interlinked my fingers with his through the fence quickly. “Are you still coming back to mine later?”
“Of course,” he said. “And this time, I’m actually going to cook for you. I still need to make up for the pie you brought me.”
“You don’t owe me. You’re my boyfriend. It’s what we do for each other.” I grinned, and from behind me, I heard someone calling my name.
“You better go,” Noah said. “I’ll meet you afterwards. Good luck!”
“Thanks. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
I squeezed his hand before I released him, then jogged back across to my team, Snickers in hand. We still had a few minutes, so I ate it quickly and watched another match wrap up.
“Can we go two for two do you think?” Sean asked.
“We can try,” I said. “It’s not like they’re PSG.”
Chris chuckled. “I’m glad you decided to join us.”
“Me too. Thanks for nagging me about it.”
He shrugged. “I was pretty sure you’d say yes. I just had to wait for you to figure out you still wanted to play.”
“Do you and Will share superpowers or something?” I grumbled, flexing my feet and stretching out my muscles.
“Yeah, it was buy one, get one free,” Will said with a grin.
“Got Clubcard points and everything,” Chris added.
“Next time you see them on offer, let me know,” I said. “They might come in useful.”
Five minutes later we all trooped onto the pitch for our second game against a team of guys I sort of recognised from around town.
I didn’t know any of them by name but having watched them play earlier I’d thought they’d be a bit of a challenge, especially because I’d seen at least one of them try to make a heavy tackle.
I started again, and it only took a few minutes for one of them to come charging at me, but it was easy enough to sidestep him and pass the ball across to Will, who set off at speed and easily slotted it into the goal.
I’d forgotten how fast Will could be when he wanted.
It was probably from chasing after errant sheep or something.
I rotated off not long after, but following the brief halftime, I came back on because Zach’s ankle was hurting. We were already up three to one at that point, but I secretly thought four would sound much nicer.
The other team were defending fiercely, though, and I didn’t think it was going to happen until I found myself on the edge of the pitch and totally unmarked.
Andrew flicked the ball across to me, and by the time the other players had realised, it was too late.
I sprinted down the short pitch and shot the ball into the bottom corner of the goal.
“Not bad,” Will said, jogging up to me and giving me a hug. “You might be good at this football lark.”
I grinned. “I don’t know. Think it might just be luck.”
“It’s definitely talent. You’re just modest as fuck.” He nudged me gently.
“I could say the same about you. Glad you decided to leave your lonely mountain for once?”
“Eh, I suppose.” He grinned and handed me the ball. “Think we can make it five?”
“Guess we’ll have to find out,” I said, taking the ball from him and walking back to the centre of the pitch. I glanced across at Noah, and his beaming smile was brighter than the sun glinting off the sea in the middle of summer.
This might not have been Wembley, but I didn’t care. Because I had everything I wanted right where I was.