Chapter Eleven
Alex
“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” I muttered to myself as I looked at my reflection in the long mirror on my wardrobe door.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been out for dinner with anyone who wasn’t part of my regular friend group.
This was probably the closest thing to a date I’d been on in almost seven years.
The very idea that it might be a date made panic rise in my chest.
It wasn’t a date. It was getting to know Henry so we could sell this whole fucked-up fake relationship thing.
Which was the literal definition of a fucking date.
Jesus fucking Christ, what the hell was I thinking?
“You’re an idiot,” I said, staring at my reflection and adjusting the hem of my T-shirt. It was plain black and the nicest one I owned. “An absolute fucking idiot.”
I’d debated messaging Henry and calling this whole thing off a million times since I’d gotten home.
Instead I’d texted my friends to say I wouldn’t be at the pub, telling them I wasn’t feeling well, and then rung the restaurant to book a last-minute table, making sure to ask for one where we wouldn’t be spotted easily.
I didn’t think Henry would appreciate being disturbed every five minutes by some fucker wanting an autograph or a selfie.
The buzzer for my flat sounded and I sighed, throwing one final look at my reflection before grabbing my jacket and traipsing downstairs, feeling more and more like I was heading for the gallows.
Most people would be over the fucking moon to have dinner with Henry, so why did my stomach feel like it was full of lead… and butterflies?
Fucking lead butterflies.
I opened the building’s front door to find Henry standing in the street all dressed up in dark jeans that clung to his thighs, a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and a long dark coat over one arm. Fuck. Nobody should be allowed to look like that.
The fucking lead butterflies in my stomach took flight, defying all laws of reality and physics.
“Hey,” he said, giving me one of his charming smiles that I desperately wanted to hate.
“I hope it’s okay but Cas is going to walk us there and wait, just to make sure we get left alone.
” He pointed over his shoulder and I saw the muscular figure of his bodyguard lurking in the shadows of one of the nearby houses.
“Yeah, that’s fine,” I said, because I didn’t really have a choice. I guessed having Cas around was going to be a regular thing and something I’d have to get used to.
“Perfect. I know it can be a bit weird at first, but you’ll get used to it.” He sounded almost nervous and it shouldn’t have been as fucking endearing as it was. “You look great by the way.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
“Was that a compliment?” he asked teasingly.
“Maybe. Don’t push your luck or you won’t get more.”
“What about if I told you that you look very handsome? Would you say the same about me?”
I smirked and raised an eyebrow. “Really? Is your ego that fragile that you need a constant stream of compliments to live? Have your lungs started processing praise instead of oxygen?”
“Ouch, too harsh.” He grinned and offered me his hand.
I stared at it like it might bite me. “If you’re going to be my boyfriend, you’re going to have to hold my hand.
I can accept fewer compliments but not a lack of hand-holding.
Although…” He trailed off and withdrew his hand.
“Sorry, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.
And if you want to make sure we get a few weeks’ privacy, then holding hands in public probably won’t help. ”
“Neither will going out to dinner but it’s a bit late for that,” I said, grabbing his hand before I could change my mind.
It sent a bolt of lightning up my arm and I nearly gasped.
His skin was warm and ridiculously soft.
It had been so long since I’d held anyone’s hand that I’d forgotten what it felt like.
I shook my head and steered Henry towards the centre of town, Cas taking up the rear. “Let’s go. I booked a table.”
“I’m excited,” Henry said as he fell into step beside me. “The food on set has been fine but it makes me think of school dinners. I know the kitchen puts out wedding banquets, so I’m not sure why we keep getting stuck with chicken and mashed potatoes.”
“Probably due to the volume. And costs. Maybe your catering budget isn’t very high.”
“That would make sense. It’s probably all gone on costumes.”
“And you,” I said. “Not to be rude, but I’m pretty sure someone like you doesn’t come cheap.”
“I took a pay cut for this,” he said casually and a small part of me was tempted to ask by how much.
Even if the answer would probably make me pass out from shock.
“I wanted to do something different—I was horrifically bored with action movies. There’s only so many times I can play the strong, sexy spy saving the world before I want to claw my own eyes out. ”
“You don’t fancy being James Bond then?”
“That’s the only time I’d go back to action movies!
I think I’d make a wonderful Bond. And I’d look fabulous in a pair of budgie smugglers walking out of the ocean.
Half the world would fall in love with me.
” He shot me a grin and I chuckled. I was starting to realise that half the shit Henry said wasn’t serious, even if it sounded that way.
He was taking the piss out of himself but someone would have to listen carefully to hear it.
“That’s too much power for you. You’d abuse it.”
“I know. That’s probably why they won’t give it to me.”
“Guess you’re stuck leaping out of helicopters and wearing ripped T-shirts then,” I said as we turned onto another street, Henry’s hand still firm around mine. I wondered if I should let go now we were approaching a busier part of town.
Cas casually strolled alongside us, saying nothing. I didn’t want to admit I found his presence almost comforting. I knew he probably couldn’t do anything if someone approached us but given the size of him and the death glare he wore, I didn’t think any of the locals were likely to bother.
“Oh my God, have you watched one of them?” he asked, sounding far too fucking delighted. I sighed. “You have! Oh my God, which one was it? The helicopter and the ripped T-shirts… that was Red Shadow Rising, wasn’t it?”
“Yeah. When I lived with Noah, he had it on one afternoon. I got sucked into watching it.”
“Who’s Noah?”
“He’s my best mate, has been for like twenty years. He’s Spencer’s boyfriend too.”
“Oh? Your brother and your best friend, that sounds complicated.”
“Why would it be?” I asked. We were almost in the middle of town now and I turned us down a small side street to head towards The Everest. Even though it was the middle of the week, there were still a few people around and I let go of Henry’s hand instinctively. I hoped people wouldn’t recognise us.
Cas walked closer to us and suddenly everyone gave us a wide berth, like he was an automatic deterrent.
I almost wanted to laugh. Having Cas around was definitely easier than glaring at people and muttering about banning them from Novel Tea for life if they started taking pictures of us, which had been my first instinct.
“Well, they’re your brother and your best friend. Surely that could get complicated if they break up, and I’m sure you love them both but choosing between people is messy. And I’m sure you don’t like feeling like a third wheel when you’re all together.”
“I don’t,” I said, even though I knew it was a lie.
I loved Noah and Spencer with all my heart but sometimes I wished I could have Noah all to myself again.
I missed him so much and the flat felt so empty without him in it that I hated coming home.
It was why I’d spent more time working at Novel Tea since he’d moved out.
Not that I’d admit it out loud—that’d just make everyone fuss over me and I didn’t want that.
It was just better for them to think I was fine.
“And if they break up, I’ll keep Noah. Spencer’d probably be the reason anyway—he’s always doing stupid shit. ”
“Really?” Henry asked. He stopped in the street and looked at me hard.
“I feel like a third wheel with Jason and Lewis sometimes,” he added quietly.
“I love them both, and they’re so perfect for each other I’d never want anything to change.
But it’s hard when someone you love moves on without you…
I don’t begrudge my brother for finding love or getting on with his life but sometimes it feels… ”
“Like you’re being left behind,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
“Yes. I’d never tell them that because I don’t want either of them to worry—and Jason can be such a worrier sometimes—so I’d rather they just think I’m very happy with my life the way it is.
And if I complain about anything, it’ll just be work or bad reviews or silly, trivial things.
Then my life doesn’t look so perfect and they won’t dig any deeper. ”
“That’s…”
“A bit shitty of me? Perhaps, but I’d rather they think I was happy than explain myself because that would just make me sound worse. Better to appear as a carefree bastard than a selfish one.”
I frowned. I understood Henry’s perspective because he’d just put into words everything I’d felt, but hearing it out loud made it sound so much worse. Still, this wasn’t the first secret I’d kept from Noah and Spencer and it wouldn’t be the last.
“I suppose,” I said. “It feels weird to admit it, though.”
“It does. I don’t think I’ve really said it out loud before.
” He looked up at the sky, where wisps of cloud floated across the blanket of stars.
Despite the light pollution from the town’s streetlights, you could still see a lot of them.
“It’s beautiful here. I can’t remember the last time I saw so many stars. ”