Chapter Twenty-One #2
This was why I’d avoided romantic relationships for so long—there was too much emotion involved and it was bloody exhausting.
I didn’t want to spend my whole afternoon worrying about meeting Jason and what it meant for Henry and me.
I wanted to be able to do my job, go home, and play God of War while eating pasta until I fell asleep.
But no, I’d gone and gotten myself a fucking boyfriend, and that meant I had to deal with emotional shit now.
I stomped down to the coffee shop, throwing my stock notes on my desk as I passed. I’d deal with them tomorrow. Right now, I needed to do something busy and practical to take my mind off the bomb Henry had unwittingly thrown into my brain.
Luckily, Novel Tea was fairly busy. It was Tuesday afternoon, and that meant the book club had just arrived. Spencer was helping push tables together under the watchful eye of the club’s organiser, Agnes.
“Afternoon, Agnes,” I called, reaching under the counter to start pulling out a load of cups. Behind me, Stephen had already started to fill teapots. We knew their orders off by heart. “How’s things?”
“Good, thanks, love,” she said. “You well?”
“Not too bad. Wish it would brighten up a bit.” I nodded at the large front windows where drizzle was sliding down the panes. “Could do with a bit of sunshine.”
“Aye, would be nice for once.”
I helped Stephen load two trays with drinks and cake and carried one across to the group, who were all now sitting around the tables.
There were books in front of them, one of Richard Osman’s mysteries, but I didn’t know whether they’d actually get to reading them or whether they’d spend the whole time gossiping.
“How’s Henry then?” asked Judy as I put her customary cappuccino down in front of her. She was a lovely woman, but meddling wasn’t a strong enough word to describe her.
“He’s good,” I said. “Very busy. They’re running them ragged on set.”
Judy tutted. “Isn’t that dreadful? And him being such a nice boy.”
“Handsome fellow too,” said Ron. “Who’s that other man you often have with you? Got a shaved head. Looks like that Ross Kemp off the telly.”
“That’s Cas. He’s here to stop Henry getting stabbed.
” I thought for a second, then decided to double down.
I didn’t fancy talking about my relationship, and this was a very easy way to throw them off.
“I’m very worried, you know. Those journalists aren’t half persistent.
I keep thinking I’m going to find one camped outside my flat. ”
That set the cat amongst the pigeons, and with a couple of comments about keeping the community safe, the lot of them were off.
“That was easy.”
I turned to see Lane holding a takeaway cup of coffee and smirking at me. He was wearing a Turner & Sons branded jacket and a black beanie to keep the rain off, so I assumed he’d walked across from his office at his family’s builders.
“Yeah, well, it’s not too hard to distract them. Just gotta find them another topic to sink their teeth into,” I said, walking back over to the counter to dump my tray. “You all right? You don’t usually come in for coffee.”
“Bloody need it today,” he muttered. “Spent half the morning trying to do a quote for some renovations down at the Baker place. Going to be a fucking nightmare if it goes ahead. The owners keep insisting it’s not in bad shape, but I already know it’ll have to be stripped down to its foundations and I’m pretty sure there’s something under that back garden that we don’t know about yet. ”
“How’d you know that?”
He shrugged. “Just something about the way it walks. And they’ve been complaining of damp and water leakage coming into the old coal cellar under the house.
I think someone’s sealed something off under there, probably another part of the cellar or maybe an old World War Two shelter, and not told anyone. ”
I winced. “Are you sure you want this job?”
“Not really, but we’re the best people for it.” He sighed and I chuckled.
“That’s what you get when you’re too fucking good at your job.”
“I know. It’s a pain in the bloody ass.” Lane shook his head and smiled. He sipped his coffee and looked at me, then frowned deeply. “You all right? You look stressed.”
“I’m fine,” I said. I knew I wasn’t going to get away with lying to him for long, because Lane knew me too well, but I’d try for as long as possible.
“You’re not.”
“I am.” I ducked behind the counter, narrowly avoiding Stephen, who was wielding a tray of clean crockery.
Lane’s expression was unimpressed. “Get your coat. We’re going for a walk.”
“I’ve got fucking work to do,” I said.
“Stephen and Spencer’ll manage for ten minutes.” He pointed at the door. “Come on. Chop-chop.”
Grumbling, I grabbed my Metallica hoodie from my office and threw it over my T-shirt.
I hadn’t got a coat with me because it hadn’t been raining when I’d left the house earlier, but the hoodie would do.
“I’ll be back in ten,” I told Stephen as I slipped out from behind the counter since Spencer was still talking to Agnes and co.
“I’ve got my phone. Just give me a yell if you need anything. ”
The bell rang as I followed Lane into the street.
I glanced up at the sky where thick clouds swirled across a background of stone grey, threatening more rain.
I hoped it would hold off until Lane had said his piece.
Otherwise I’d spend the rest of the afternoon doing my best shivering, drowned rat impersonation.
Lane didn’t say anything until we’d reached the front, which was unsurprisingly empty.
A cool ocean breeze nipped at my skin and bounced across the waves in the harbour, making them froth and bubble.
I followed him for a short distance, and just when I was about to ask if there was a point to this bloody exercise, he said, “So, you and Henry.”
“What about us?” I asked as I stuck my hands in my hoodie pouch.
“You’re happy with him,” he said simply. It wasn’t a question. “Happier than I think I’ve ever seen you, which is something considering I’ve known you since we were seven.”
“And? What’s your point?”
Lane sipped his coffee and looked out at the sea. It reminded me of the first time I’d walked along here with Henry, which suddenly felt like a lifetime ago. “I don’t know. I’m… worried, I suppose.”
“Why?” I leant on the railing next to him, feeling the rain seep into my sleeves. “What’re you worried about?”
“I haven’t seen you in a relationship for a long time,” he said.
“Probably not since we were at school. I don’t know if that’s just because you didn’t introduce them to us or because you didn’t have one, but either way I’m guessing that this thing with Henry is pretty serious.
And if I know you, which I do, I reckon you’re about two days away from freaking out. Which is why I’m here.”
I stared at him. “What are you? Bloody psychic?”
“No, I just know you.”
I shook my head, unable to stop myself from smiling. “I haven’t had a relationship for a long time,” I said as I watched a lone gull wandering across the beach looking for shells or razor clams. “Not since our early twenties.”
“What happened?” Lane asked.
“Bad breakup. He left. Didn’t want to stay here anymore,” I said, hoping I could avoid more detail.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He sounded hurt but I just shrugged.
“You were… struggling, Noah was in his final year at Newcastle, and Spencer was just starting to feel better after his accident. None of you needed me whining to you about my problems. You had your own.”
“Jesus fuck…” Lane said and I felt his eyes boring into the side of my skull.
“What the hell do you think we’re here for?
We love you, you daft bastard. We’d all’ve been here for you if you’d bloody told us, and don’t think just because we were dealing with our own shit means we wouldn’t have been there for you.
Especially not when we’d been leaning on you.
And don’t say we weren’t because I know I was.
I was a proper mess for those first few years after Oliver left, and you were always there for me, no matter what. ”
I turned my head and it was impossible to miss the hurt and love in his eyes. I’d always told myself it was better for everyone not to know about Michael because I’d be shovelling my problems on top of theirs. Maybe I’d been wrong. “I know.”
“Do you? Because I don’t think you’d have told me about it now unless you had to.”
“Fine,” I said. “Maybe I’m starting to. I just… I don’t know. I’ve got this habit of thinking I can do everything myself.”
“I don’t think it’s that,” Lane said. “I think you’re worried if you dump too much on us, we’ll think you’re some fucking problem child and throw you out.
” He smiled softly. “Parental hurt runs deep, especially if you’re then abandoned by someone you loved, and you carry that shit round with you no matter how hard you try to forget it.
And I don’t think any of us were there for you as much as we should’ve been. ”
“All right, since when did you get a fucking degree in psychology?”
“I’ve been listening to podcasts in the office,” he said. “I got really into one about psychology and relationships recently.”
“Trust you.” I grinned and something eased in my chest, an old ache that I’d almost forgotten was there. I looked back at the beach and watched the gull pull something out of the sand. “Why did you think I was going to freak out?”
“Because everyone does,” he said. “I did it. Will did it. I’m sure Noah and Spencer did it too. It might not be a big thing, but there’s always that point where you start to question shit. Especially when you’re like me and Will and you fall for a man who doesn’t live here.”
“Oh. I… fuck, I hadn’t thought about that. Thanks for that.” I reached out and swatted him, and Lane laughed. “I can add that to my fucking list of shit I’m freaking out about.”
“See, told you.”
“No, you fucking didn’t. You thought it was about something else.”
“Still counts,” he said. “What else is on your list?”
“He wants me to meet his brother this weekend. Jason’s coming up to film a cameo in the TV show and Henry wants us all to go out for dinner.
It just makes it feel more real, y’know?
” I sighed and bit my lip, trying to find a way to control my thoughts before they all spewed out of me.
“I know you’ve met Henry, and I’ve met everyone on set, but up until now it’s felt like we’re kinda isolated, even if the whole fucking world knows.
But if I meet Jason, that’s a proper fucking step. It means it’s serious.”
“Makes sense,” Lane said as he took another sip of his coffee. “Do you want it to be serious?”
“Are you saying it isn’t now?”
Lane just gave me a look that screamed Don’t be a dick, then said, “You know what I mean. You’ve just said it doesn’t feel serious, but at some point you’ll have to think about whether you want it to be.
Henry’s not going to be here filming forever.
It’s whether you want whatever you’ve got to keep going after that.
If so, you’re going to have to talk to him.
Because your life is here, and his isn’t, and you’ll need to work out a ton of shit. ”
“I thought you’d come here to stop me freaking out, because you’re not.
You’re making it worse.” I hadn’t thought of anything Lane was saying, even though part of me had known it was going to happen.
We were supposed to have been in some fake relationship that lasted until filming had finished and then for the premiere, and I’d known filming wasn’t going to last forever.
I’d just hoped I could put off thinking about it forever.
“Sorry, but you needed to hear it. And I’m here to tell you that when you’re freaking out and can’t sleep, I’m here for you.”
“Thanks,” I said. There was something in the way he’d said that that was niggling at my brain and I had to have an answer.
“You seem pretty fucking sure that I’m going to freak out, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think you were saying I want this relationship to last. What if it’s just a summer hook-up? ”
“It’s not.” There was a certainty in his voice that floored me.
“What? How the fuck can you say that?”
Lane looked at me, his gaze piercing my soul in a way I’d never experienced.
“Because you haven’t denied it. Not once.
And no offence, but nobody meets their fuck buddy’s visiting family unless it means something.
Or organises everyone’s friends to hang out or brings them to the pub as often as possible.
” He smiled at me in a soft, almost sad way.
Like he could see something I couldn’t. “You like Henry, Alex, even if you want to deny it. So, I’m here to tell you that when you freak out and feel like shit, I’ll be here for you and we’ll figure it out.
Just like we figure out everything else. ”
“Okay,” I said, because I didn’t know what else to say.
Lane didn’t need to know he was right. He already knew that without me saying a word.