Chapter Twenty-Seven #2
I smiled because I’d never really thought about what Theo did with all the money he earned from MyFans and streaming.
He had to have quite a chunk saved since I’d never asked for any rent and his only expenditure was our bills, his gaming PC, his extensive wardrobe, and growing his taxidermy collection.
“Okay,” I said. “Together.”
Theo kissed me again and then grabbed my hand, dragging me down towards the sea. “Come on, you have to paddle with me!”
We stayed on the beach for most of the morning, playing in the sea, building sandcastles, and searching through rock pools. Grey clouds lingered overhead, occasionally giving way to bursts of sunshine that made the sea glitter and shine.
I couldn’t think of the last time we’d taken time off to do this, and it was more fun than I’d remembered.
I made a mental note to do it more often and then did a delighted little internal dance at the idea of having a beach hut, which meant it would be easy to come down all the time, especially when it was colder or wet.
“Mind if I join you?” West asked as I sat on one of the larger, flatter rocks to catch my breath while Theo raced off across the beach to get ice cream from the little hut at the top of the steps.
“Of course,” I said, sliding over slightly to make more room for him. We sat in silence for a few moments before I added, “Thank you for coming this weekend. Theo really appreciates it.”
“I’m glad I came,” he said, resting his elbows on his thighs and interlinking his fingers in the gap below. “I was kinda nervous. It’s hard meeting people in real life, especially since we’re not exactly strangers.”
I smiled and nodded. “You’re not the only one who was nervous. Theo was too… and me. Your brother… he’s very important to me, and I don’t ever want to see him get hurt.”
“Yeah, I get that,” West said. “How long have you been married?”
I snapped my head around and stared at him, eyes wide with shock. “Married?”
“Yeah, you’re married, right?” He frowned, then his expression morphed into shock and panic. “Shit. I’m sorry, I just thought… since Theo talks about you all the time. And he said you’ve been living together for, like, four years? Five?”
“We’re not married,” I said, a burst of laughter escaping me. “No, we’re not married. We, er, we actually only started dating quite recently.”
“Seriously?” West stared at me, utterly perplexed. “But… you… have you seen you two together? It’s so obvious you’re in love.”
“Yes.” I chuckled. “Apparently so. It just took the pair of us a while to get with the picture.”
“Really? How come?”
“Honestly, I’m not sure.” I looked out across the beach to where I could see Theo at the top of the steps, skirt fluttering in the breeze.
“We’ve always been close, ever since we first messaged each other.
And I think with that closeness came a certain amount of fear—I don’t think either of us wanted to admit we might feel something more in case it went wrong.
Theo’s been hurt more than most and I didn’t ever want to cause him more pain. ”
“I understand,” West said. “I’m glad you’re together, though. You make sense. When Theo talks about you, he fucking lights up. It’s like nobody else in the world exists. I hope I can find something like that one day.”
“Well, I can’t exactly recommend our way of falling in love, but luckily it worked out better than either of us expected.
Although, I think if we’d continued to deny it, more than one group of our friends would’ve staged a physical intervention.
” I shook my head in amusement. “I have to say, for an adult entertainer, Austin Carter is an utter romantic at heart. And our vicar… well, I daresay she’d have had some strong words too.
I actually think the pair of them would get on very well. ”
West laughed, a deep, booming sound that sent a nearby group of seagulls scattering into the breeze. “That’s a conversation I’d love to see.”
“Oh, it would undoubtedly end with the pair of them drinking tea and ganging up on Theo and me.” I looked at West carefully. “I assume you know about your brother’s MyFans? Is that how you found him, or was it really through Twitch?”
West’s cheeks flushed and he snorted. “Twitter actually. Some porn account I follow retweeted a clip of him. Definitely didn’t realise at first and when I did…
yeah, that was horrifying.” He shuddered and I nodded sympathetically.
If I’d suddenly discovered my brother, who I hadn’t spoken to in fourteen years, getting railed on Twitter, it would have taken me a while to process it too.
“But I was on his feed by that point and there were a few tweets about his Twitch and his gaming, so I thought I’d watch,” West continued. “It took me maybe five or six months to send that first email. I was so fucking nervous, you have no idea.”
“I can imagine, though,” I said. “I doubt it was an easy decision.”
“I just didn’t want to fuck up his life. I mean, he seemed so happy and I didn’t want to ruin that but I… I also wanted to get to know him. That’s probably selfish, but I had such good memories of him as a kid and I just… I missed my brother, I guess.”
I put my hand on his knee, my chest flooding with a rush of sympathy. I’d hated him for what his email had done to Theo, but seeing him now, a scared, lonely man searching for some semblance of family, I couldn’t feel anything but compassion and empathy.
We sat in silence for a moment, and I watched Theo starting to descend the steps.
“Can I ask you something personal?” West asked. He sounded nervous and I had three guesses what was coming.
“Of course.”
“Does it… is it weird being in a relationship with someone who does porn? Sorry, that’s probably way too personal since we only just met and it’s not like it’s any of my business.”
“You’re fine,” I said, because I knew it wasn’t going to be the last time we were asked. I hated that I’d have to constantly justify myself, but this first time, I’d let it slide.
“No, it’s not weird. In fact, it’s weirder to me that people have a problem with it.
I know that makes me an outlier in some senses, but it’s never bothered me.
I want Theo to be happy. Doing porn makes Theo happy, so why should it bother me?
It doesn’t affect our relationship or the way we feel about each other, and even before we started dating, we’d always talked openly about it, so I don’t see that changing.
I always know who he’s with and where, and he knows that if there’s ever an issue, he can phone me and I’ll be there.
He always takes precautions and gets tested regularly, as does everyone else he works with.
At the end of the day, it’s a job, not an anonymous sex party—although there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s what you’re into. ”
I looked at West, trying to read his expression. I didn’t want it to feel like I was lecturing him, and I also didn’t want him to feel cornered and lash out, like some men would. “Does it bother you?” I asked. “That your brother does porn.”
“Honestly? No. It was a bit strange at first, but that’s more on me.
And who the fuck am I to judge? I watch plenty of porn.
It’d be a bit hypocritical of me to start saying it was wrong.
I guess, as long as you’re both happy, then why the fuck should I care?
Like, it’s not really anything to do with me.
You’re both consenting adults—that’s all that matters. ”
I smiled as I watched my beloved walking across the sand. West understood more than I’d thought he would, and I had to give him credit for that. He continued to surprise me and I felt guilty for having felt so negatively about him.
“Some people might say I should be enough for Theo, that any physical intimacy we have should be enough, but I don’t see it like that,” I said, my thoughts wandering out onto the breeze.
“What Theo does is fun, but as I said, it’s also work and requires more than just shooting some footage and calling it a day. ”
“Yeah, I’d never thought about the whole marketing part before, but it’s gotta happen,” West said. “It’s funny. I follow a couple of people who are in long-term relationships and do porn; I’d just never really thought about how it works before.”
“It’s not for everyone, but there are plenty of people in steady partnerships where one, both, or all of them work in the industry.
It just requires honesty and communication, the same as all relationships.
” I watched Theo get closer, my heart skipping a beat as I looked at him.
He was so beautiful and I didn’t think I’d ever get over the fact that he was mine.
“I’m secure enough in my feelings and our relationship to trust Theo.
If doing porn is something Theo enjoys and makes him feel confident, then who am I to stop him?
His career doesn’t make me love him any less, and it certainly doesn’t make me want him any less.
I know it’s not for everyone, but I wouldn’t change what we have.
I love Theo just the way he is—MyFans, taxidermy, and terrible taste in video games all included. ”
“I think the weirdest part of that is the fact you don’t like his taste in video games,” West said with a dry chuckle and a disbelieving shake of his head. “I’d have thought you loved zombies.”
“Zombie movies, yes. Zombie games, no, but video games aren’t really my sort of thing,” I said. “And that works well because it means we have separate interests, which I think every couple needs.”
“I’ll remember that.” He looked sad for a second, like he was thinking about something painful. It made me want West to find the sort of love that Theo and I had, because everyone deserved to be wanted and desired in a way that made them feel like they could touch the stars.
“What’re you two talking about?” Theo asked as he reached us carrying three large ice creams in chocolate-dipped waffle cones. His was strawberry with sprinkles, and I could already see it had been licked, while mine was dark chocolate and West’s was white chocolate and raspberry.
“You,” I said, giving him a wry smile. “And your terrible taste in video games.”
Theo rolled his eyes and huffed. I laughed and leant over to kiss him. His lips were cold and sweet, with salt and strawberry lingering on them.
A taste I’d remember forever.