Chapter Thirty
I groan, rolling over to avoid the bright light shining in the windows. My head throbs as I bury it under a pillow.
“Not feeling so great?”
“No, Wyatt. I clearly had too much to drink last night, and I feel like shit this morning.” I wince, realizing I shouldn’t be biting his head off—even if he’s the one who kept the drinks flowing all night. “Sorry.”
He chuckles, and the light dims in the room, allowing me to roll onto my bed and seek him out. He’s standing at the end of the bed, looking just as delicious as he always does. “Good morning, babe.”
I make a face. “I don’t know if there’s anything good about it.”
“You’re so grumpy when you’ve been drinking.” He walks around to my side of the bed and hands me a glass of water and a bottle of painkillers.
“Oh, you’re a god among men,” I tell him, taking a deep drink from the glass before taking the painkillers.
Wyatt hums. “We’ll see if you keep feeling like that. Do you remember what happened last night at all?”
Thinking back, I nod. “We went out for dinner.” I wrinkle my nose. “And then we ran into the guys, and you decided they should join us.”
“I did, and I stand by that decision. How about after that?”
Rubbing my eyes, I rifle through my memories before it all hits me. Being surrounded by the five of them on the dance floor. Being so fucking horny. The guys coming home with us. Making out with Ty first, and then the others. Inviting them back to my room, but they declined because I’d been drinking. Wyatt fucking me hard—my screams meant to be a punishment to them for their rejection. Him putting me into bed as sounds filtered to us from the living room—the guys fucking.
My cheeks heat with each memory that washes over me until I’m sure my entire body must be bright red .
What the hell got into me last night?
“Are they still here?” I ask, hiding behind my hands.
Wyatt pries away my hands, smirking as our gazes meet. “They are. They’re waiting to talk to you.”
“I don’t want to talk to them.” I try yanking my hands from Wyatt’s hold, wanting to cross my arms over my chest, but he refuses to release me.
“It doesn’t matter if you want to or not. You owe them after last night.” Wyatt leans down to kiss me, chasing my lips when I try to turn away from him. I can tell just how rank my breath is right now, but he won’t be deterred. When our lips meet, he kisses me like he’s starved for me, and I melt into his arms. “You need to make a decision, Lil.”
I know he’s right, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to be put on the spot. I’m supposed to have all the time I need to decide what I want because right now? I still have no idea what I want.
“I can’t forgive them, can I? After what they did? It wouldn’t be right.”
I don’t realize I’ve spoken the words aloud until Wyatt answers me. “I can’t answer that for you, Lil. That’s a decision you’re going to have to make on your own. No one else can make it for you. But, for what it’s worth, I don’t think there’s much to forgive. They didn’t have a choice in leaving you, and the moment they got back, they sought you out. They’ve spent the last two weeks sending you gifts and notes. They’re trying to make up for the hurt they caused—hurt they wouldn’t have wanted you to feel.”
“Whose side are you on, anyway?” I ask him, pouting.
Yes, that’s right. I’m a grown-ass woman who’s currently pouting.
“I’m always on your side, Lil—you know that. In this case, I think you need someone to remind you of what happened. Someone who will tell you like it is. They had no intention of hurting you. But it’s up to you if you can let it all go. I was here to see the hurt you went through. I might not know the woman they once knew, but I know the woman you are now, and I know you don’t enjoy hurting people, either. And after last night, you’ve given them hope you might be able to forgive them. You need to let them know where you stand. It’s not fair to them if you don’t. ”
I sigh, running a hand through my hair. He’s right—at least about me needing to talk to them. “Fine. I need a shower, then I’ll be out there.”
Wyatt gives me one last kiss before leaving me alone. As much as I’d love to just stay in bed, I head for the bathroom but leave the lights out as I turn the shower on.
The hot water streaming over my head helps the pain there and loosens the tight muscles in my shoulders and back. I’ve been holding onto so much tension since the four of them showed back up in my life.
I don’t even know what the hell I’m going to say to them. Indecision courses through me.
I could be happy with Wyatt and the four of them. We’re fated mates—which means we fit together perfectly. We could have an amazing life together.
But I just don’t know if I can let go of the hurt. I’ve buried it so deeply over the years that it feels like it’s a part of me now. With how badly they hurt me, how can I just forgive them? How can I just take them back? Wouldn’t that be betraying myself?
Tears trail down my cheeks, hidden in the water flowing over me. My nearly silent sobs are covered by the sound of the shower beating down on me.
I don’t know what to do.
Which is why I haven’t made a decision before now.
It might make me an asshole, but I just don’t know if I can give them a second chance. If I do, there’s a chance they could hurt me all over again. I’d have Wyatt with me this time to pick up all my broken pieces, but is that fair to him?
Because I can’t make this decision without thinking about him too. He’s a part of me now—even if we haven’t finished the mating bond—and he always will be. He seems to want me to forgive them, but I don’t think he realizes just how bad it will be if they hurt me again.
I might not recover this time.
Once my sobs dissipate, I turn the water off and step out of the shower. I take my time getting dressed but avoid looking in the mirror. I don’t need to see what I look like right now.
Deciding comfort is the way to go today, I pull on a pair of sleep shorts and one of Wyatt’s tees before yanking my hair into a high ponytail. I probably look like death warmed over, but the shower helped with the headache .
As much as I don’t want to have this conversation, I’m as ready for it as I’ll ever be.
Squaring my shoulders, I leave the safety of my bedroom and head down the hallway. I find all five of them sitting around the table, eating breakfast.
“Oh, good, you’re up.” Ty stands, cheeks a bright pink as he ducks his head. “I made breakfast.”
Forcing a smile, I nod but move to pour myself coffee before sitting at the table. “Thanks, Ty. I’ll eat in a bit. I need caffeine more than food right now.”
Ty’s face falls as he nods and takes his seat once more. Pain jabs at my chest at hurting him, but I don’t think it’s going to get any easier.
“Look, guys, I don’t want to dance around the elephant in the room. I had a good time with the four of you last night, and if you would’ve said yes last night, I would’ve slept with you. There’s no denying there’s a connection between us, but I just … “ I set my mug down, staring down at the table as I ready myself to rip their hearts out. “I’m just not ready. I’m sorry. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but part of me can’t let go of the pain you caused and trying to have a relationship with that inside of me? I just don’t see how that’s fair to any of us.”
Silence follows my declaration—no one moving or speaking. I still can’t bring myself to lift my eyes away from the table as tears form at the back of my eyes.
This is the right thing, isn’t it? But if it is, why does it hurt?
Someone clears their throat before Carter speaks. “Of course, Lila. You can take all the time you need. This isn’t a decision we can force on you. Last night probably shouldn’t have happened, so we’re sorry for crashing your date.”
I bite my lip when his voice cracks, pain lancing through me.
Sounds of chairs pushing away from the table ring out as I squeeze my eyes shut.
“Don’t worry, precious,” Oliver says, brushing a hand over my hair. “We’ll be waiting when you’re ready.”
“Yeah, kitten. No harm, no foul. We’ll just get out of your hair so you can enjoy your day off.” Aidan’s voice is tense, but his words sound genuine.
There’s a shuffling beside me before I feel someone’s hot breath on my cheek, their lips millimeters from my skin. “I’ll keep holding onto the hope that one day you can forgive us, Lila. It’s the only thing that keeps me going every single day.”
Ty doesn’t attempt to hide the tears in his voice as he kisses my cheek, a stray tear slipping down his lips to splash against my skin. Then he’s gone.
My bottom lip trembles as I forget how to breathe. My hand lifts to my chest, pressing as if my touch alone can stop the pain I’m feeling.
They’re leaving me again, but this time it was my choice.
I manage to hold back my tears until I hear the door shut behind them. As soon as it does, I lose it. Tears stream down my face and sobs overtake me as I lift my eyes to meet Wyatt’s.
“Why does it hurt so much? It shouldn’t hurt this much, should it?”
Wyatt sighs, hurrying around the table and pulling me into his arms. “It hurts because you love them, and you have since the moment they landed in your life. You’re not just punishing them, you’re punishing yourself.”
“They left me,” I barely manage to get out, close to hyperventilating .
“Because you told them to, Lil. They’re just doing what you asked of them.”
I shake my head, wanting to deny his words even though I know he’s right. This pain I’m feeling right now? I caused it. There’s no one else to blame.
All because I’m too fucking stubborn to let the past go.
“I c-c-can’t,” I stutter. “I can’t.”
Pulling away from Wyatt, I race for the door.