Chapter 17 Ethics Schmethics
ETHICS SCHMETHICS
When Joe came home the following evening—at six, which pleased me, for it meant that he was feeling free to study as he needed to—I was in the kitchen in my apron.
“I thought you were looking for a job today,” he said, removing his hat and coat—but only after kissing me. This pleased me also, that he hadn’t been able to wait. He’d done the kissing in the bending-back way, too.
“I did,” I said. “But more about that later. We’re having hamburgers for dinner, but not with the rubber cheese.
That I have given to Susie, for one must not waste food.
I’m using something called ‘Swiss’ cheese instead, which I believe must actually be Emmentaler, for there are holes in it.
Perhaps Americans are frightened by longer words for food?
Or is it that the name sounds too German?
” I removed the plate containing the patties from the refrigerator as I spoke.
“I’ve waited to cook them until you came home.
I’ve cooked some mushrooms also to sit atop the meat, for mushrooms and beef are like lovers who bring out the best in each other, are they not?
This is acceptable, to put mushrooms on hamburgers? ”
“It’s acceptable to me,” Joe said, but he was frowning—and also taking the heavy iron skillet from me to place it on the stove. “You look tired.”
“Yes, a little.” I lit the fire beneath the pan.
“Meine Tage began today—how strange that I can tell you so easily!—and that always brings some pain and fatigue, and means I cannot make love with you, either, which is a great pity, for surely that would be relaxing for your studies. I was planning to cook a beef stew for you for sustenance, but as you see, I’ve prepared something much simpler instead. How was the examination?”
“Fine,” Joe said. “Europe in the 19th Century, which is something I’m interested in and even know a little about. Tomorrow is Economics. Not my strong suit. That’s why I’m late.” He was still frowning, though. “Shouldn’t you be lying down with a hot-water bottle?”
“Oh, no.” I tried to say it gaily. “I must cook the hamburgers first. And look!” I pulled a plate forward and removed the shower cap covering it.
“Susie told me this trick also, for shower caps are very practical items, and quite inexpensive. Of course, one mustn’t use the same shower cap to shower. ”
“No,” Joe said. “I imagine not. Say, these are—”
“Molasses Crinkles!” I said. “An amusing name, is it not? A bit like Pfeffernüsse, tasting most wonderfully of Christmas, but much simpler to make. So simple, in fact, that I could get them right the first time, with a bit of help from Susie. Now you have sustenance to study for your Economics examination despite the lack of beef stew, you see? Also your Human Heredity examination, for that seems difficult too, although such a fascinating topic. You will not, I think, need special help for the examination on Goethe, for Dr. Müller has given you such tutelage.”
“Don’t forget how much you’ve given, too,” Joe said.
“But of course. I’m German, after all, and I very much enjoy discussion.”
“I’ve noticed,” Joe said. Smiling, but still looking worried. About the Economics, I assumed.
“Oh,” I said, “my pan is hot.” I slid the patties into it, and they responded with a satisfactory sizzle.
“You add breadcrumbs and onions and an egg to the meat by mixing with your hands. This adds flavor and moisture, and one doesn’t have to use as much meat.
One can also put the meat in a bread pan and cook it that way.
This is called ‘meatloaf,’ which is another amusing name: a loaf of meat.
I’ve prepared carrots and celery also, but not for cooking.
So interesting, that one would eat them raw.
Susie says vegetables are important to eat each day, and that mushrooms, which are not a vegetable but a fungus, have many minerals.
This is amusing to contemplate, is it not?
Iron and zinc, as if one were eating rocks.
Her course is Home Economics, you know. Most practical.
See how she’s taken in my slacks with her sewing machine so the waist fits.
I fear I haven’t repaid her well enough for her help, merely baked a loaf of bread or two, but she says that helping me learn housework is her homework.
She’ll get a fine husband, I think, with such skills. ”
Joe took the spatula right out of my hand.
“You’re white as a sheet, you have shadows under your eyes, and you’re hunched over, because your stomach and back both hurt, don’t they?
You can chatter along gaily all you want, but you aren’t fooling me.
Why did you do all this when you’re not feeling well?
Nobody said you had to start all this extra caretaking today! ”
“Truly,” I said, “I can prepare your dinner.” I was removing the carrot and celery sticks from the refrigerator—still in their bath of ice water—and opening the bag of hamburger buns, which were rather too soft, in my opinion, a bit like the spongy Wonder bread.
I’d wanted to bake more substantial rolls, but hadn’t had the energy.
Joe flipped the hamburger patties, then set down the spatula and put his hands on my shoulders. “You’re going to go change into your nightgown and get into bed. I’ll bring you a hot-water bottle, and your dinner on a tray.”
“But no,” I said. “This is silly.”
“I’m not listening. March.”
“Are you allowed to say such things to me?”
“You promised to love, honor, and obey,” he pointed out.
“Of course I said that. I didn’t precisely mean it.”
He laughed. “Somehow, I’m not surprised.”
I shrieked as a charred smell reached me.. “Joe! The hamburgers!”
“Whoops.” He turned off the heat. “I’ll do this. And if you love me and want to ease my mind, you’ll go take care of yourself.”
“And the carrot curls,” I said. “The celery has curled ends also. This is to make the plate more beautiful. Also the mushrooms and cheese.”
Joe turned me around by the shoulders and gave me a tap on the rear end. “Go.”
I went. I didn’t want to obey, precisely, but there’s no doubt that a masterful man can be most attractive. And I did so want to lie down.
Joe came in a few minutes later with not one but two hot-water bottles. I said, “But what is this?”
“What do you mean, ‘what is this?’” He was scowling, but rather theatrically. “When your wife is finally sailing to join you, which you’ve worried will never happen, and you know her back hurts at those times as much as her belly, of course you buy two.”
“The hamburgers, though,” I said, as Joe helped put one hot-water bottle behind my low back where I sat propped against the pillows, then handed me the other one for my belly. How blissfully warm and comforting they felt!
“In the hot skillet in the oven,” he said, “to stay warm. And yes, I remembered the mushrooms.”
He was back with my dinner five minutes later—and with a cup of tea, too. He settled the tray over my lap, then sat in the desk chair with his own plate. “I figured I’d keep you company.”
“Yes, please,” I said. “Although you must do your studying.”
“Not while I eat a hamburger that’s going to drip all over the place, I mustn’t.” He took a bite and said, after a minute, “This is great.”
“Yes,” I said. “Susie, as I mentioned.”
“How did the job search go?” he asked. “Or did you skip it, since you weren’t feeling well?”
“Of course I didn’t skip it.” The warm meat, so flavorful and juicy, was delightful, and as for the mushrooms and cheese, and the mustard I’d added to the buns in a rebellion against the so-terrible ketchup?
I was possibly a culinary genius. “Susie said the shops would be hiring extra staff for Christmas, as people do seem to have a great deal of money they wish to spend despite the eight percent, so I went to many of them and asked.”
“And?”
I sighed and took a sip of tea. “They didn’t want me.”
“Oh.” Joe digested that, or possibly merely chewed his hamburger. “That sounds too personal. You mean that they weren’t hiring.”
“No, because some had signs on the door. ‘Help Wanted.’ This means that they wish to fill a position.”
“Why wouldn’t they want you, then?” Joe asked. “I don’t get it. Did you tell them about the bakery? I’ve seen you with customers. You’re a natural.”
“They don’t want Germans.”
“Oh.” A moment, and then he said, “You told them you were German?”
“But of course. It’s clear that I’m not American—well, I am, I suppose, but a very new American.
My accent is British, but my speech is not yet precisely …
” I tried not to remember the looks on the faces of the women—they were mostly women in the shops I’d tried, for who would employ me to sell nails or automobile parts?
The disgust. The anger, even. The woman in the bakery, whom I’d thought would surely want me but had said instead, “My husband died on Omaha Beach. I don’t know who let you into this country, but as far as I’m concerned, you’re the enemy and you always will be.
And now you want to take an American job, too?
Go on, get out, and don’t come back. I don’t serve Germans. ”
I didn’t tell Joe about that, for it was humiliating even to recall.
My throat had burned with shame all the way home on my bicycle, and when I’d finally closed the door to the apartment, I’d burst into tears.
Weakness, but I was always weakest when I was bleeding.
Tomorrow, I’d find a way, I’d told myself as I’d pressed a cold facecloth to my swollen eyes.
But what was the way? One of the women had told me that I should look for work as a maid, “where you won’t come into contact with other people. ”
“And you’re sure that was it?” Joe asked. “The German thing?”
“Yes,” I said. “It was clear.” It was all I could say. I set the tray to one side, although I’d eaten less than half my hamburger. Now that I’d succumbed to the weakness, it was overtaking me.