Chapter 33 Moving Up
MOVING UP
On a sunny Saturday afternoon in March, Joe had just gouged his finger with a screwdriver while removing cabinet doors in one of the kitchens of our newly purchased apartment building.
He was uttering a few choice words when we heard a cheery, “Ahoy there!” and turned to find Fred and Susie coming through the door.
“Hi,” Joe said, taking the finger from his mouth and shaking the injured hand as if that would help. “Are we talking like sailors now?”
“Well, you are,” Fred said. “So I figured I’d join in. Love what you’ve done with the place.”
“That was a joke,” Susie explained to me.
“Oh,” I said. “It is rather dismal at the moment, but it will be much more tidy and attractive when we’re done, or so I hope. What do you think of the color outside?”
“Sage green,” Susie said. “Looks great, and pastels are in. I’m hurt that you didn’t ask me, though.”
“You were gone for the holiday break when we needed to decide,” I said. “Because I thought the painter would get started sooner. First there was another project to finish, then rain, and then he was going on holiday with his family.”
“Imagine that,” Susie said, “a guy wanting to take a family vacation. What a bum. What are you doing in here? Need a hand?”
“Oh, only about as much as I’ve ever needed anything in my life,” Joe said.
“I don’t want to promote any stereotypes, but Jewish boys don’t tend to be the stars of shop class.
I’ve got a lot to learn if I’m going to be a landlord.
Especially one that doesn’t go broke because he can’t fix a darn thing by himself. ”
“We unclogged that blocked sewer line all right, though,” Fred said. “It’s just a matter of having the tools and knowing how. Got another screwdriver? Marguerite, stop wrestling with that drawer and let me get it.”
“My wife is the most brilliant woman I’ve ever known,” Joe said, “but I wouldn’t say she’s the most patient. Marguerite, take your notebook and go make executive decisions with Susie while Fred and I get on with this.”
I obeyed—I didn’t have much choice, as matters were literally taken out of my hands—and Susie said, “Whatever you do, it’ll be an improvement.
” She looked around at the scarred countertops, the cabinets with their chipped paint, the dull, scratched wood floors and dingy walls.
“But it has possibilities. Do all the apartments look like this?”
“Yes,” I said. “Would you like to see?”
We climbed the stairs to the third floor—the newel posts were as dingy and dull as the carpets and floors—and I said, “One two-bedroom and four one-bedroom apartments on each floor. The view is rather nice up here, I think.”
“The outside already looks better,” Susie said.
“You’re clearly trying to find something positive to say,” I said, “for it really doesn’t, not yet. But it will. The rot in some of the windows has already been corrected, and when the frames are scraped and painted—very dark green, I thought; do you agree?—it will be lovely.”
“Mm,” Susie said. “Beautiful plaster medallions on the ceilings, and nice chandeliers.”
“Yes,” I said. “For the inside—here I would most definitely like your advice. The flooring man will come in after the kitchens and bathrooms are improved, but before the painting; this seems to be the correct sequence. He’ll sand and refinish the floors, and then apply varnish.
I thought this might be a job Joe and I could do, but it’s apparently very dirty and more complicated than it looks. ”
“I should just about think so,” Susie said. “And here the poor guy thought he was going to be a lawyer and keep his hands clean!”
“Yes,” I said absently. “So in the hallways—would sage green walls and the dark green doors work there as well, do you think? Or should I use white paint instead? I’ll be replacing the lights, of course, but a light color is better, don’t you agree?”
“Definitely,” Susie said. “So gloomy otherwise. Maybe patterned wallpaper on the bottom and sage green above, though? That way you wouldn’t notice any dings in the paint. Have you picked the hallway carpet yet?”
“No. There are so many choices, I don’t know where to begin.”
“Let me do it with you,” she said. “Sample books? Oh, pretty please. I love this stuff. And in the apartments—it’s all about the pastels now, like I said.
Green is calming, but butter yellow is more cheerful.
Very pale, you know, but like sunshine on the wall.
And once you get these windows washed, you’ll see a big difference. Who owned this place?”
“The rents were very cheap, I understand,” I said. “Joe cleaned out rather a number of mouse nests in the basement. The yellow will be nice, I think. And in the kitchens … there I don’t know.”
Susie had her hand in the air and was waving it like an eager student, and I laughed and said, “But perhaps you do? Linoleum on the floors and Formica on the countertops in kitchens and bathrooms; these are easy to clean and attractive, and not too expensive. But what else?”
“Repaint the cabinets and drawers in sage,” Susie said.
“I assume the reason for all the cabinet door removal is that you’re painting them, and boy, do they need it.
Yellow Formica countertops, yellow and green linoleum floors, pale yellow curtains, square yellow tiles on the backsplash.
I must have seen something like it in a magazine, or maybe I’m just brilliant, because it popped into my head fully formed. ”
“Like the birth of Venus,” I said.
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
“She emerged fully formed from the sea, on a giant seashell. As in the painting by Botticelli.”
“Well, OK,” Susie said. “If you say so. I assume there was a reason.”
“Of course. The Titan Cronus severed the genitals of his father Uranus, the sky god, in a fit of rebellion, and threw them into the sea. They mixed with the waters to become sea foam, and Venus, the goddess of love and beauty, was formed from this foam and stepped ashore as a fully mature woman.”
“And Joe thinks he’s a bad son,” Susie said, which made me laugh. I may have confided a little, as you can probably tell. She looked around. “I can almost picture it. How long to get it all done?”
“Longer than I’m planning, I’m afraid,” I said, “but certainly before the new school year begins, which is the important thing. According to Jean, renovations always take longer and cost more than planned. I’ve been fortunate to have her to supply recommendations of the people to employ, for we need everybody and everything.
Painting, carpentry, flooring, plumbing, electrical work…
oh, yes, a great many things. The stoves and refrigerators are antiquated and in poor working order also, so there will be fifteen of each to purchase. In white, do you agree?”
“Sure,” Susie said. “But can you afford that? To lay out that much, with nothing coming in? I mean, obviously you can afford it, but …”
“But it’s rather a lot of investment,” I said, “and the loan to be paid all the while.”
“Well, yes,” Susie said. “I don’t understand the reason for the loan. Why not just buy the place—and the land—if you have the money?”
“Well, you see,” I said, “this is the most interesting part. I thought I would have to take a class to understand such things, but Mr. Parks, who helps with our investments, has kindly made it clear, and shown me how to do the calculations, too, so I can work it out for myself. I was correct about one thing; there is a great amount of mathematics involved.”
“Ugh,” Susie said. “Better you than me.”
“No,” I said, “it’s truly a revelation to be able to find all the numbers for oneself, and Joe helps when I’m stuck.
The loan is at five percent interest, but the stock market last year returned an average of thirteen percent, and this year is continuing much the same.
So many new businesses springing up, you know, and so much purchasing that people couldn’t do during the war years.
Although one must also put some money into government bonds, which is a safer investment, although not always as lucrative. ”
“If you say so,” Susie said.
“So,” I said, “if we invest and earn, oh, let us say eight or nine percent on this money, but only have to pay five percent …”
“Right,” Susie said. “You make more money.”
“Exactly. And, of course, one can buy a great deal more property if one doesn’t have to use all one’s cash to do so.
I drew up a budget for the renovations before we purchased the building, and added in the loan repayments and also what is called an amortization table, which shows how much of the loan is paid off over time.
When I factor in the rents as well, I can see how quickly I’ll pay off the cost of the renovations, and then how quickly I’ll pay off the cost of the building itself.
After that, once one allows for taxes and insurance and repairs and vacancies—this is the word when a tenant moves out and another has not yet moved in, yes?
Other than these items, the rents will be purely profit once the loan is repaid.
I do have another question for you, though.
Would it be wise to put two or three automatic washing machines in the basement, along with drying lines?
Or would the tenants rather take their clothes to the launderette?
I don’t understand Americans well enough yet to know. ”
“If you put in automatic washing machines,” Susie said, “the applicants will be lining up around the block.”
“Oh, good,” I said. “Thank you. Let’s go see how the men are getting along. If only Joe would let me help, it would go faster.”
I repeated this idea when we found the men again—they had progressed to the second floor—and Joe said, “Catch me letting you help. I don’t think so.”