Chapter 18
I didn’t realize how much I needed to see my girls until I’m sitting on the floor of Beyond Breath Yoga Studio with Veda and Cassie the following afternoon.
Cassie teaches a beginner class here every Tuesday, for which Veda and I pay next to nothing thanks to her friends-and-family discount. Truthfully, Veda could probably handle the more advanced class on Thursdays since she holds even the toughest of poses with ease, but she chooses to accompany my uncoordinated ass to this one every time.
It’s our little ritual: putting on our bargain-bin Lululemon leggings, sweating it out in class, then grabbing a compulsory green smoothie to give ourselves the illusion we’re actually being healthy. We do it every week—last week being the only exception since I was further than usual and we normally take the subway there together. But seeing as I’m in desperate need of some loosening-up at the moment, I gladly made the fifty minute commute here.
“Wait, you guys didn’t talk about it at all ?” Veda probes after I finish telling them about the kiss.
I met them here early to give myself time to explain all the messy details of my last week with Eli, starting with our recent habit of sleeping in the same bed (completely platonically), to our drunken make out session two nights ago (which was anything but platonic). It would have been criminal to tell them about it over the phone, but it took much longer than I thought to get through it all. Now they have all but two minutes to spew out advice before the class starts.
“That doesn’t seem healthy,” Cassie chimes in.
“It is though, if you think about it!” I defend as the first few people start coming in and setting up their mats. “Either he completely forgot about it, or he’s purposely acting like it didn’t happen because he regrets it. Either way, why would I make things awkward for both of us by bringing it up?”
She doesn’t seem convinced.
“Or,” Veda starts. “Maybe he feels bad for making a pass at you and he’s worried he ruined your friendship?”
“Right, our friendship…”
Forty-eight hours ago, I was completely content being Eli’s friend—even if it was only temporary. I liked lounging around on the balcony while we ate lunch, watching reruns of Law he’s sexy Eli who picks me up into his arms and uses the perfect amount of tongue when he kisses. He’s Eli , extra emphasis on the ache and desire. And now that I got a short preview of what it’s like to be with him, I’m not sure I can look at him the same .
I want to sit here and pour my heart out to the girls all day, but a quick check at the clock tells us it’s already noon. Veda and I reluctantly set ourselves up at the back of the room as Cassie starts the class, sitting cross-legged on our mats while she gives her usual introductory speech.
“So, what are you gonna do?” Veda whispers to me from two feet to my right, earning her a dirty look from the girl sitting in front on her.
I ponder her question as we do some deep breathing, Cassie instructing us all to close our eyes but neither Veda or I complying.
“Nothing, I guess.” I finally whisper back.
“You should talk to him. For all you know, he could feel the same way about you.”
“Doubt it,” I say under my breath while we start doing some gentle stretches. We swing our necks from side to side, bring our arms up high over our heads, then our hands across opposite knees to twist our torsos.
“You always assume the worst, you know that?”
We move onto our hands and knees, cat-cowing with the rest of the group, and I can’t take her seriously as our bodies bob up and down like a cat about to throw up.
She’s right, I do always assume the worst. But it’s only because things never seem to work out for me. There’s no point in getting my hopes up when the odds of a happy ending are slim to none.
“ Now plant your feet and lift your hips toward the sky into Downward Dog, ” Cassie instructs from the front of the room.
We do as we’re told, and I don’t know what else to say to Veda. I know she has a point, but that’s just not me. I’m not brave like her, I can’t speak my mind like she does .
“ Walk your hands back toward your feet, holding the back of your calves if you can, for Standing Forward Fold. ”
“So?” Veda presses, craning her neck to try and stare an answer out of me.
“I think I’m just going to play it safe.”
“ Slowly lift up, raise your arms up overhead and lunge forward into Warrior One. ”
She huffs from her steady pose while I wobble side to side in an attempt to find my balance, and I know she thinks I’m making a mistake.
“But Gem, if you always play it safe,” she whispers as her final plea to convince me. “You’re never going to get what you want. You have to take some risks to win the game.”
I look over at her, considering her words, when Cassie pointedly clears her throat from across the room.
“Ahem, I’d like to remind the two beautiful ladies in the back that this is a silent yoga class.”
She winks at us and we both snicker out a “sorry”, shutting our mouths to focus on the pose at hand.
Veda’s words echo in my ears as my leg starts to burn from the lunge, and I can’t help but wonder if she’s onto something.
***
“She hates it.”
Seven hours later and I’m sitting at the kitchen island while Eli puts away the leftovers from dinner, absolutely losing my mind. I haven’t heard a peep back from Amani since I sent her my article yesterday, and I’m starting to panic.
“She doesn’t hate it. Just because you haven’t heard back doesn’t necessarily mean she didn’t like it.”
“Yes it does.”
I know Amani; she reads every email she gets on the spot, no matter what she’s doing. I’ve seen her take a call with one hand and type out a reply to an email with the other. Hell, she probably answers emails from the bathroom to maximize her time. If there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that she’ll pick up her phone when it buzzes. So I know without a shadow of a doubt that she’s read my article.
And the fact that she hasn’t answered yet is not a good sign.
“Maybe she got busy. It’s been like thirty hours, give it more time,” he offers.
“You don’t understand. For Amani, thirty hours is twenty-nine too many.”
He huffs at my objection as he turns to put a container of chicken parm in the fridge, and I go back to compulsively refreshing my inbox. I’ve been staring at my screen for so long that I think I’m starting to go cross-eyed. I can’t help it, I have nothing else to do but to obsess. I’ve already finished editing all the other pieces, walked Princess twice, spoke to Gigi at length about how Saint-Tropez is ‘overrated’, and took a bath in the hopes of calming myself down. No surprise there—it didn’t work.
“Look, if she hasn’t answered by now, chances are you’re not going to hear back until tomorrow.”
“Gee, thanks.” I rasp.
“What I mean is, you might as well enjoy your night.”
Easier said than done.
I know he’s right, there’s no use in spending the next twelve hours in sheer suspense. It’s not going to make her reply any faster, and I’m pretty sure every time I hit refresh, I’m shaving another year off my life. Even so, I’m not exactly in an enjoying kind of mood.
“You know what you need?” Eli asks me, resting his forearms on the island and eyeing me with a knowing look.
“A Xanax?”
“A distraction.”
I’d prefer the Xanax.
“If you have any ideas, I’m all ears,” I mutter as I turn back toward my screen.
He considers me for a moment while I hit refresh again, until he shuts my laptop from behind, smiling wide.
“I know just the thing.”