Chapter 13
Past selves.
Burned alive by jinn.
Zain’s words repeated over and over.
He took a step closer to me, placing a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Roxana?” His touch was enough to remind me to focus, to be present. I searched his face for any clues about how I should be feeling. Frightened? Relieved? A mix of both?
“Why would they want to kill us?” I finally asked.
“It makes sense, to a degree, why they’d want to kill me. Angel and jinn are natural enemies, but you…I don’t know why they’d target you. That’s the mystery.”
His gaze was intense, and noticing my glossy eyes, he reached a hand over to my cheek, brushing aside a stray tear. “I’m sorry.”
I tried to smile, but my lip quivered. I just wanted the dreams to stop—to be normal again. But if anything, it had all just begun.
His warm hand stayed on my cheek. I felt the urge to lean into his touch, but I forced myself to keep still until he eventually removed it.
“What else do you see in your dreams, beyond us being burned?” I asked.
“It’s hazy, and they’re often fleeting. But you’re always in them, in some way.
” His eyes softened, his voice almost dreamlike as he said, “I see us meeting in different places, in castles and cars, speaking in secret, though I can never remember what about. You look different each time, but your eyes are always the same.”
My cheeks heated, heart beating a little more quickly. It was so confusing how my body felt around him. At how my body could react this way with everything that was going on. Without even realizing it, we were standing even closer, with just inches between us.
“Roxana,” Zain whispered.
His lips were parted ever so slightly, and he had a sort of doe-eyed expression that contrasted with the intensity of his eyes, of him in general.
I hadn’t ever kissed anyone, and yet found myself reaching up onto my tiptoes, like a moth to a flame.
I thought I saw his eyes flutter closed, and him lean down, but then something happened.
I was in the castle courtyard once more, with Zain next to me as we sat on the edge of the fountain, water trickling behind us. His shoulder was almost touching mine, but not quite. I could still feel the heat coming from his body, though, could smell him, and wanted so badly to embrace him.
He took my hand in his, and this small touch was like a bolt of electricity.
Turning my body to Zain, his hair was floppy, quite unlike the Zain I saw outside of my dreams. He was tracing patterns in the palm of my hand.
“Zal…” I said, though I had no control of my speech. “You know we cannot.”
“But you want to?” he replied fiercely. “If you don’t, that’s fine, but if you do…I don’t care what they think.”
He pressed his other hand on top of mine, sandwiching my hand between his. My eyes fluttered shut as I said, “You know how I feel.”
“Rabiya,” he whispered. All was quiet—not even a bird sounded. The moon alone watched us; no one else would know what we were about to do. The boundaries we would cross. “I need to hear you say it.”
His lips carefully brushed the base of my neck, then the side, where it was most sensitive. His lips were close to mine, and the anticipation of a kiss made me open my eyes. He was taunting me.
“Why won’t you kiss my lips?” The words were so quiet, I wasn’t sure if he heard me. But of course, he did.
His hand found my cheek. Despite his strength, he handled me gently, with care.
I closed my eyes, and he finally pressed his lips against mine.
The kiss was gentle, but in moments, it gained momentum.
My arms entwined around his neck, closing any distance between us.
His tongue caressed mine, and I could barely breathe.
Then, suddenly, stopped the kiss, resting his forehead against mine.
“I’ve wanted to do that for so long,” he said, his breathing ragged.
“I’ve made the warrior breathless,” I mused with a smile.
His face mirrored mine, the smile touching all his features in a way that rendered me, too, breathless. But the moment ended when footsteps sounded, and we sprang apart.
Jolting back to the present, I needed a moment to realize where we were. Evening had set into the Red Rocks, and I could only make out the outline of Zain as my eyes adjusted to the dark.
The intensity of the flashback left me speechless. I had never had such a visceral memory before. It was like I was taken out of my body and put into Rabiya’s. I felt her emotions strongly.
With Zain still close to me, I felt the urge to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him, like in the flashback. I wasn’t sure whether these feelings came from Rabiya—or whether they were my own.
“I saw us in the past just now. Why is this happening?” I asked shakily.
“I don’t know,” Zain said. “Reincarnation happens, though not for everyone. Some people are reborn, while others pass straight over to the other side. We don’t know why, exactly.
And while it’s normal to dream about your past selves, it shouldn’t be this regular.
As for your sleep demons…I don’t think they’re just dreams.”
“This all began after my mum died. Could they be linked?” I said the words, but my mind was still in the courtyard. With Zal, who kissed my neck, who wanted me so desperately. I was glad for the dark, so Zain wouldn’t notice my flushed cheeks.
“I don’t know, but I’ll find out. I promise.” He reached out and rubbed the top of my arm lightly. “You’re cold. Let’s get you back home.”
The rest of the journey back to the car, flying through the night air, went by in a blur.
Zain pointed out that we could hear Boygenius playing, but I closed my eyes as he flew us down, burrowing my face into his chest. I pretended it was because I was afraid of the height, but really all I could think about was the flashback, and how this was the first time I had ever longed to return to Rabiya’s world.