Chapter Five #2
“I took one test and it was positive. I know that it’s right because I missed my period, I have been nauseous, and hungry, and you are the only person I’ve been with for an entire year,” I told him angrily. He stood up from his chair and walked to the window.
“One test isn’t enough to be sure. You have to go to the doctor to be one thousand percent sure. I don’t think you are, but if so, I will help you get rid of it,” he said blankly.
Hearing him say that felt disgusting. Get rid of it. Like it was an inconvenience for him. My chest tightened as he cleared his throat and rubbed his jaw like he was annoyed.
“This ain’t what we do,” he added.
“What we do?” I repeated.
“This was never that,” he said flatly. “You knew I was married. I told you from day one what this was. I have two kids with my wife. I’m not hurting her and bringing in outside kids.” He looked at me like I was dirt on the bottom of his shoe.
“You weren’t thinking about hurting her when you were fucking me in a hotel room every other night. Now all of a sudden, her feelings matter? You can’t act like I’m some random bitch you picked up at the gym,” I said angrily.
“You’re not a random bitch I picked up, you are someone I enjoyed.”
My stomach turned at enjoyed in the past tense. Shit had gotten real and I was no longer “enjoyable.”
“I’m married, Trallis,” he repeated as he walked away from the window and over to me.
I stepped back closer to the door, my hand resting on the knob as my chest burned and begged me to turn around and walk out of the door.
All of my dignity had been shredded, and he had already told me how he felt.
Why was I still standing here? Was I waiting for him to say APRIL FOOLS?
SIKE, I’M EXCITED ABOUT THE BABY? Was I waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump from underneath his desk and tell me I had gotten punked?
All of my silly little fantasies from earlier had been shattered.
I had paid for a rental car, a hotel room, a fancy dinner, thinking that he would want to get away with me.
Cozart had made a fool out of me, and yet I was still standing there waiting for him to say, “I won’t leave you alone in this. ”
Instead, he said, “Go to the doctor to be sure, and if you are, get rid of it.”
It felt like the room was spinning and my ears rang slightly like my body was trying to block it out. I blinked quickly a few times like I was trying to wake myself up from a nightmare.
“You serious?” I asked quietly.
“Dead ass serious,” he retorted.
All the things I had ever stolen, all the identities I had ever stepped into, all the lies I had ever told, none of them had ever made me feel this small.
“We been fucking for a year Cozart and this is how you do me?” I questioned.
“Key word is FUCKING for a year. That was never supposed to turn into this. That was fun and fucking, not love making, not building, not dating, just fucking, Sometimes the consequence of just fucking is babies, but we can fix this shit. I’m willing to pay for you to get it done.
Go and get the test from a doctor, bring me back the ultrasound and I will pay for the procedure to get done,” he said simply.
My laugh came out broken.
“No need to be dramatic, just handle it,” he said quietly.
“We’ll keep it moving like adults. Was there anything else you needed because I’m running late for my meeting?
” he questioned, like I wasn’t sitting here bleeding in my chest. He walked past me toward the door, opened it, and waited for me to walk out ahead of him.
There was no remorse or apology. I walked past him and he walked out behind me, shutting the door and walking in the opposite direction like we didn’t just talk about me carrying a life.
I walked back to the front of the gym and moved on auto pilot. My body checked in customers while my head spiraled. Twenty minutes later, I was walking through the gym when I spotted him. On the training floor, looking at another woman the way he looked at me when we fucked.
NY’Airy was mid-set and laughing a little as she adjusted her stance.
He corrected her form, hands steady staring at her with interest. Not lust, like he wanted to rip her clothes off and fuck her right there in the middle of the gym, but interest. Real attention.
The kind he only showed me when he was inside of me.
He tapped her gently on the shoulder and she laughed again loudly, and he smiled back.
My stomach twisted violently. I wasn’t the only woman he was lying to, but I was the only one carrying the consequence of falling in love with Cozart Walker.
I refused to let Co fuck me, fuck over me, and just get away with it.
I was about to tell him about himself, so I angrily walked over towards him.
He was too busy staring at Ny’Airy to notice me, she cleared her throat and alerted him to my presence.
When he looked at me, his smile went away and he looked like someone pissed in his Cheerios.
I never thought I would see the day when he looked at me that way.
“Don’t start this shit Trallis, we will discuss it further later.
I told you what I expect you to do, and I would like for you to remember that you are an employee in this establishment, and I am currently training one of our members.
” He didn’t want me to put him on blast in front of his new little crush.
I was tempted but I knew that would resort in me being fired and that would make him feel even better.
I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of getting rid of me that easily.
I didn’t know how, but he would pay for this shit.
First things first, I would play his game.
He wanted proof, I would get him his little proof and slap it across his forehead.
I immediately pulled up my insurance app to make an appointment with my primary care doctor.
I requested the soonest appointment available, then went about business as usual as if I weren’t dying inside from disappointment.
I returned to the front desk and did my job.
I smiled at members, checked people in, answered questions about the new juice bar, made small talk, and even laughed when Shelly said something funny.
Every few minutes my eyes drifted toward the training floor where Co and NY’Airy were working.
NY’Airy was beautiful in a way that women like me hated.
She wasn’t flashy, she wasn’t loud, and she didn’t have to try too hard.
She didn’t walk around like the rest of the girls in the gym who were begging for attention, pussy prints and camel toes front and center, ass hanging out, and breasts spilling out of sports bras.
She looked soft, and pretty, but she seemed sad like she wasn’t aware of how pretty she was.
Co noticed her and that was what bothered me.
I wouldn’t have been annoyed if he looked at her like he wanted to fuck her.
He had fucked half the female members of Brick & Co.
Him wanting to fuck everyone there wasn’t anything special about that.
The way he looked at her was different. It was patient and gentle and when he laughed at something she said he didn’t fake laugh, he threw his head back and laughed deep from within his belly.
For a year, Cozart had only looked at me with hunger.
I didn’t realize until I watched him look at someone else with actual affection.
My phone vibrated and interrupted me from staring at Co and NY’Airy.
It was a message saying there was a cancellation and an appointment had come available for tomorrow if I wanted to take it.
I quickly accepted. The universe was on my side because getting an appointment that quickly almost never happened.
When I finished booking the appointment I looked up and Co and NY’Airy were gone.
Their session must have concluded, I spotted her walking out of the door with her gym bag thrown over her shoulder, glowing and floating.
Cozart had that effect. My phone buzzed again and this time when I looked down it was a text message from Co.
His contact popped up with the cute emojis I put next to his name this morning when I was in delulu-land and I assumed he would be happy about my pregnancy.
I didn’t change it, but now was the perfect time to fix that.
I changed his contact name to FN DEAD BEAT and put a knife emoji beside it. That made me feel better. I then went over to my messages to see what the fuck he had to say.
FN DEAD BEAT: You Ok?
I stared at the message annoyed. Of course I wasn’t ok.
What the hell did he expect? He had all but told me that I wasn’t pregnant, and I didn’t know my body.
Then he told me if I was pregnant that I needed to go to the chop shop and handle it.
After fucking me for a whole year and making me feel like I mattered, why would I be ok after hearing some bullshit like that?
It had been less than two hours ago when he told me to get rid of his child.
I was the furthest thing from ok as I could get.
ME: No. I’m not ok. You told me to get rid of your child. You were insensitive and cold. I knew that you were a womanizer that loved pussy, but I never took you for a dead-beat fuck boy that would knock a girl up then leave her high and dry. Learn something new every day.
Three dots appeared.
FN DEAD BEAT: Watch your mouth. I’m not a dead beat or a fuck boy. I told you to get the proof and I would pay for you to get rid of the situation