Chapter Sixteen
RYDER
“Sweetie, this is way too much. I’d have been more than happy with a café or even fast food.” Nicole glanced around the ritzy restaurant I’d been to countless times with apprehension in her gaze.
“This is one of my favorite restaurants. I promise you’ll love it.”
She chuckled. “That’s not what I’m worried about.”
My new mission in life was to take Alex’s mom to every great restaurant in Boston and beyond.
She’d expressed her worry on more than one occasion about maneuvering her motorized wheelchair in public spaces, and I found that unacceptable.
For what I paid to eat at these establishments, they could damn well make the proper accommodations for anyone who came through their door with enough money to afford their pretentious meals.
I inhaled the delicious aroma of buttery seafood as I turned toward her. “Come on, don’t you smell that? Isn’t your mouth watering? There’s no way you can resist. Their food is too amazing.”
The right side of her mouth quirked, and she shook her head at me. I’d helped her style her shoulder-length graying hair and pick out an outfit for today’s lunch date.
“Okay, fine, you got me. It does smell incredible. And I’m starving. I was so nervous for my appointment earlier that I couldn’t eat breakfast.”
I frowned. How had Alex and I missed that? “Aren’t you supposed to eat with your medications?”
She patted my hand. “I’m fine, Ryder. I’ve been taking care of myself for many years.” She chuckled and shook her head. “I swear, you’re almost as bad as Alex with the mother-hen routine.”
What could I say? Nicole had become very important to me over my time dating Alex, and in the few weeks since she and Alex moved in, she’d changed.
She laughed more, joked with the same cutting wit as her son, and seemed to almost glow with happiness.
Alex noticed it as well. We’d spoken about it a few times, and both assumed the change came from stress relief.
Specifically, the relief of no longer living under the same roof as Kenny.
“Good afternoon and welcome to Meridian. Table for two today?”
I turned to the hostess booth where a blonde-haired woman, maybe a few years younger than my twenty-five, stood holding a pen and a clipboard.
“Yes, two.” I smiled at her, and her cheeks turned pink. I swear she straightened and pushed her chest out as she batted her lashes.
“Excellent,” she practically purred. If she weren’t careful, the pearly buttons on her white Oxford shirt would pop off and risk taking out an eye.
“Do you prefer indoor or outdoor seating?” She tucked her glossy lower lip between her teeth as she waited for my answer.
Sorry, toots, your effort was wasted on me. Even if I had a thing for the ladies, I only had eyes for Alex. Now, if he wanted to bite his lip and look at me with fuck-me eyes, I’d be all for it, but this woman was out of luck.
I turned to Nicole, who answered, “Outdoor, please.” Narrowing my eyes, I stared until she swatted my arm. “This has nothing to do with my wheelchair, promise. I much prefer sitting outside on beautiful days like this.”
“As long as you’re not making concessions because you think it will be easier for someone else.”
This time, she squeezed my hand in a motherly fashion. “Promise I’m not. You’re too sweet.” Her gaze flicked to the hostess’s, where it turned a bit hostile. “It’s no wonder my son is so in love with you.”
To keep a loud bark of laughter from escaping, I pressed my lips together and ended up making a strangled snorting sound. Nicole was too funny. I turned back to the hostess. “Outdoor table, please.”
She wrote something on her clipboard, no longer making eye contact, then said, “Please follow me.” Her cheeks remained pink, but now it appeared to be from the embarrassment of an incorrect assumption rather than interest.
“Your mama-bear routine is a little scary,” I whispered to Nicole as I gestured for her to follow the hostess ahead of me.
She winked and did just that with a confidence I’d yet to see from her. Alex was going to love this story. I couldn’t wait to see him later so I could tell him. Yep, I’d become that guy. The one who couldn’t go a few hours without telling every detail of my day to my man.
And I loved it.
“Is this acceptable?” the hostess asked as she stopped beside a four-person table set beside a beautiful hedge of peach-colored roses.
“Perfect, thank you.”
Without us having to ask, she removed two chairs from one side of the table, allowing Nicole to drive her chair up to the table without difficulty.
“Your server will be by in just a moment,” she said as she set a menu in front of each of us. “Enjoy your lunch.”
“Thank you,” Nicole responded, which I parroted.
After the hostess left us alone, Nicole opened her menu with unsteady hands.
Her fine motor coordination wasn’t stellar, but I’d learned the hard way not to jump in and help.
The woman was nothing if not independent—now I knew where Alex got it from—and did not appreciate things being done for her.
She’d told me last week that she preferred to do anything and everything she could on her own, even if it took her ten times as long as a fully non-disabled person.
So, I let her struggle turning the pages and focused on my own menu.
“How was your first week of classes?”
I glanced up from my menu and couldn’t keep the grin off my face. “Good. Great, actually. It’s been a while since I was in school, so the new routine will take a little getting used to, but I don’t have a single class I don’t like.”
“That is wonderful, Ryder. I’m so happy for you.”
“Thank you,” I croaked. A lump rose in my throat that I couldn’t swallow down.
Where was our server with some water? My parents weren’t the type to give compliments.
Not the ones that made you feel warm and fuzzy inside like Nicole’s did.
They said things like, “Well done” or “as expected,” but I don’t think they ever claimed to be happy for me or proud of me.
In the short time since Nicole and Alex moved in with me, I’d heard her tell him how proud she was no less than a dozen times.
Hell, she’d said it to me almost as often.
The warm compliments left me feeling out of sorts, yet mushy every time I heard them.
They also made me sad for what I’d never gotten from my parents.
How different would my educational and career journey have been if I had known I had my parents’ unwavering support?
If I knew they’d feel pride simply because I worked hard and chased my dreams?
Our server arrived a few moments later. He was an older gentleman in black slacks and a white button-up shirt with a nametag that read ‘Ron.’ Bald and green-eyed, he reminded me of a skinny Bruce Willis.
After we placed our orders—a lobster roll with fries for Nicole and crab cakes for me—he headed off to grab our drinks.
“You know, Ryder, I don’t think I’ve taken the time to properly thank you for allowing me to move in with you and Alex.”
“What?” I waved away her gratitude. “You’ve thanked me a hundred times.” And I didn’t want her thanks. I didn’t want her to think she was any burden or that I’d had to make sacrifices for her to live with us.
But she remained serious, staring straight at me with the same brown eyes she’d given her son.
“Things with Kenny had gotten… difficult, more so than I ever let Alex know.” She sighed, gazing at a neighboring table where an elderly couple sat sharing a dessert, before looking back at me.
“I made a lot of mistakes with him. Alex was so mature and responsible, and as I got sicker, it became increasingly difficult to stay on top of things. I wasn’t a good parent to either of my boys.
I was there, yes, but I wasn’t present a lot of the time. ”
Hearing her voice, her pain, and regrets, my heart ached because I knew, I knew Alex didn’t harbor any resentment or ill feelings toward her. He’d flat-out told me.
“Nicole, there’s no doubt in my mind you did the very best you could in the most challenging situation. There were so many factors stacked against you, and yet you showed up every day.”
She sighed. “I let so much slide with Kenny. I can’t stop wondering if I’d been stricter or more involved, maybe he wouldn’t be the mess he is today.”
“Nicole, you can’t—”
She lifted a shaky hand, cutting me off.
“I know. It’s dumb to play the what-if game because it’s impossible to know the answer, but that doesn’t stop me from torturing myself with those what-ifs.
I grew accustomed to living with stress and strain under the same roof as Kenny.
I never knew when he’d come home, who he’d have with him, or what state he’d be in.
Now that I’m out of that house, I feel free.
I can only imagine Alex feels the same and more.
” She tilted her head and gave me a sad smile.
“And that opens a whole new level of guilt.”
I didn’t know how to respond. Clearly, I wasn’t a parent, and I’d never been responsible for another person. But I did feel, on some level, that I understood what she meant. I felt responsible for Alex, for his heart at least, and the times I’d fucked up with him, the guilt nearly smothered me.
“I’m sorry,” she said with an awkward chuckle. “I didn’t mean to get so heavy. You brought me to this beautiful restaurant, and I’m all morose.”
“No.” I reached across the table and placed my hand over hers. “I’m glad we can talk. You’re starting to feel like a second mother to me, so…” My face heated to a thousand degrees, and I averted my eyes. Why had I said that?
“Oh, Ryder, that means the world to me. I absolutely love you as another son.”
The server arrived with our food at that moment. The conversation immediately lightened, and I spent the rest of the meal listening to Nicole tell hilarious stories about a younger, probably adorably surly Alex.