Chapter Eighteen
ALEX
“You aren’t thinking of leaving without kissing me, are you?” Ryder called from the kitchen, where he’d stuck last night’s leftover Chinese takeout in the microwave.
Rolling my eyes while chuckling, I stopped at the door. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”
“Liar.” Ryder jogged from the kitchen wearing nothing but workout shorts and a grin. “I’ll take two kisses as punishment for your dishonesty.” When he reached me, he grabbed my waist and pulled me to him.
“Wow, two kisses. That’s brutal.” I smirked, which made him pout. “Gimme those lips.”
One kiss turned into two, then three, and soon we were in a full-on lip lock, I poured all my effort into. At some point, the microwave chimed, but neither of us cared enough to pull away. When the kiss finally ended, Ryder stepped back, blinking a dazed expression from his face.
“Happy?” I asked, smirking once again.
He blinked some more. “Uh… yeah. I think that’ll hold me over until you get back, since you won’t let me go along—”
His phone rang, drawing our attention to the console table where he’d set it earlier. From where we stood near the door, we had a clear view of the screen and Corvin’s name flashing.
“Fuck,” Ryder muttered as I tensed.
Fuck was right. He hadn’t heard from the guy since the disastrous morning he woke to Corvin naked in his bed. Thinking about it still made me sick to my stomach and nearly murderous with jealousy, even though I knew Ryder hadn’t done a damn thing.
He shook his head and nudged me toward the door. “You need to go. Pretend we didn’t hear it, and I’ll let it go to voicemail. There’s no need for me to talk to him.”
I sighed. A large part of me wanted that, but I also knew the events that transpired with Corvin were unfinished business, and they bothered him greatly. He hated having a fractured friendship dangling out in the breeze.
And I plain hated Corvin.
But I loved Ryder and had no desire to see our relationship to destroy his friendships. He deserved an explanation and hopefully an apology from his friend, so I took a fortifying breath, ignored the pit in my stomach, and said, “Answer it.”
He raised an eyebrow as the phone rang for the fourth time. “Really?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Hurry before he hangs up.”
Ryder grabbed the phone and answered, hitting the speaker button instead of bringing it to his ear. Our eyes met, and I smiled. Of course, he’d let me hear the entire conversation. I loved how he wanted complete transparency and would never give me cause for concern.
“Corvin?” he said by way of greeting.
“Ryder, uh, hey. I… I didn’t think you’d answer. How… uh how are you?”
“I’m well. Yourself?”
So stiff and unlike my boyfriend, well, certain parts of him were frequently stiff, but not his personality or conversation skills.
He’d spent too many years making small talk with dignitaries and hobnobbing with the wealthy and powerful to have a stilted conversation, but this one felt heavy as hell.
“I’ve been better. I, uh, I can’t talk long. There are some… things going on, but I owe you a massive apology and didn’t want to put it off any longer.”
Ryder frowned at the phone. Corvin sounded off in more ways than mere embarrassment over his behavior or the awkwardness of apologizing.
I could tell Ryder wanted to ask, but he held himself back.
I rubbed a hand up and down his shirtless back, and he lifted his gaze to mine.
“You owe Alex one too,” he said while staring at me with love.
“I know.” Corvin spoke in a soft, regretful tone. “I will give him one.”
I hadn’t planned to speak but found myself saying, “I’m here, too, Corvin.”
“Oh.”
We all fell into a thick silence. I needed to get over to my house to meet Kenny but wouldn’t leave Ryder’s side until this call concluded.
“I’m so sorry,” Corvin said after a few more seconds of uncomfortable silence.
“It’s hard to put into words how sorry I am.
Looking back, I can’t believe how I acted.
It was disgusting. There is no excuse for it.
Ryder, I took our friendship and crossed every line there is.
Nothing happened that night, Alex. Ryder loves you and would never do anything to jeopardize what you have.
It was all me, and I’ve hated myself ever since. ”
“I know that, Corvin. I was upset that night, but as soon as I calmed down, I knew.”
“Yeah.” Sadness radiated from the word.
Ryder frowned again.
Something was going on with Corvin. Something deeper.
“I want you both to know that if Ryder decides to continue a friendship with me, in whatever form, nothing like that will ever happen again. I swear it on my life.”
This was Ryder’s decision. I continued to stroke his back in soothing circles as he thought about what Corvin said.
“You were a good friend, Corvin,” he said, measuring his words.
“Until I wasn’t.”
“Yeah. I’m hopeful we can continue to be friends on some level, but I need some time. And I’m not sure we’ll ever get back to where we were. That will take a lot of trust on my part, and I don’t know if I’ll get there.”
“I… I understand.”
Oh, fuck, was he going to cry?
“You don’t sound so good, Corvin,” Ryder said. “Are you okay?”
He sighed, and that one sound carried the weight of the world. “I’m… I’m kinda messed up right now. It’s not any kind of excuse for what I did, but, well, maybe someday I’ll tell you about it.”
For the first time, my heart went out to the guy. I understood struggle and how it could make someone act out of character or do something idiotic.
“I’m going to go. Thank you for taking my call. And again… I’m so sorry.”
Ryder met my gaze again.
Is it okay? He seemed to ask with his eyes.
I nodded.
“Thank you for calling.”
“Bye.”
“Corvin, wait.”
“Yes?”
“Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you right now, and it’s going to take me some time to be ready for our friendship again, but I’m not interested in making you suffer for a mistake, horrible as it was. I forgive you, Corvin.”
“T-thank you.” This time, there was no mistaking the choked sob that came through the phone.
“I have to go. Be well, Corvin.” Ryder disconnected before Corvin had a chance to respond. “Is that okay? Are you okay with what I said? I’m certainly not ready to have him over for beers but…” He shrugged.
I wrapped my arms around his bare torso, spreading my hands wide on his warm, smooth back. “But you’re an amazing man with an incredible capacity for forgiveness who can’t stand the idea of someone hurting, even if they wronged you.”
He nuzzled my nose as he said, “Maybe that makes me a fool.”
“Nah.” I brushed my lips against his. “It makes you wonderful.”
Sighing, Ryder kissed me then stepped out of my embrace. “You’d better go. The quicker you get there, the quicker you can come home.”
Home. It’d been weeks since I moved into Ryder’s penthouse, and the thrill of hearing it called home had yet to wear off. I hope it never did. “Okay, I’ll call you before I leave.”
“You better.”
After a few more kisses, I was out the door and on my way to my house or soon-to-be former house.
Though Kenny agreed to meet me at seven, I had doubts he’d show.
When we spoke, he’d struggled to follow the conversation, which I assumed meant he was high, so who knew if he’d even remember the day or time.
Part of me wanted to contact a realtor, throw up a For Sale sign, and install a camera to catch his reaction.
But, despite everything, I couldn’t do that.
Sometimes, I still saw Kenny as the kid who followed me everywhere and tried to copy everything I did, from wearing my too-big clothes to shaving nonexistent stubble when he was ten.
Granted, at fifteen, I didn’t have nearly as much need for daily shaving as I wanted to think, but I’d also been lacking a father figure to tell me what the fuck to do.
So had Kenny. The poor kid had me, who was a fucking mess as a teen, trying to take care of our ailing mother, survive school, and make a few pennies where I could while carrying a monster-size chip on my shoulder.
Sometimes it felt inevitable that one of us would have gone the route Kenny did—dropping out of school, partying constantly, and coasting through life as though the word ‘responsibility’ didn’t exist. Until recently, when I’d lie awake at night worrying if he was face down in a ditch somewhere, I’d wonder what would have become of us had our birth order been reversed.
If Kenny had been born first, would he be a different man today?
Would he be an overly responsible workaholic, serious to the point of grumpy—or so I’ve been called.
Giving those thoughts brain power was a waste of time.
I’d never get an answer, so why spend my precious few sleeping hours on such nonsense?
If I knew that, I’d save myself weeks of unnecessary worry over many topics.
I sighed as I pulled into my childhood home’s driveway, finding the lawn mid-calf height and in dire need of some care. “And Ryder asked why I was going so early,” I mumbled.
I snapped a quick photo of the disastrous yard and shot it off to my boyfriend. Two seconds later, he replied with a text of his own.
If you’d let me go with you like I’d asked, I could have mowed the lawn while you talked with Kenny.
Do you know how to mow the lawn?
I have a degree in engineering. I’m sure I could figure it out.
I laughed out loud in my quiet car. Of course, Ryder had never cut a blade of grass. His family probably had a whole brigade of gardeners for that mansion he’d grown up in.
Love you.