Chapter 8 #2
Guilt filtered through my entire being seeing the confusion in her face. “If I was, would that be okay?”
“I don’t know, Daddy? If she makes you happy, then yeah. I know Mommy left us, and I’m okay with that. I have Tete, you, Auntie B, Uncle Kinga, an?—”
“But you know your mama loves you, right?”
“Very much, but sometimes people can be loved from afar. I don’t have to see her to know she loves me and she doesn’t have to see me to know that I love her. Me and Tete talked about it.”
I nodded, silently thanking Harlem for always being there to have the conversations I couldn’t.
“So, do you really like Ms. Jade?” Those eyes that mirrored those of her mother gazed at me.
I laughed at her change of subject. “I do. What do you know about really liking somebody?”
She giggled and shrugged, somewhat lightening the mood. “I don’t know.”
“Yeah you do.” I nudged her.
“I guess when you really like somebody that means they make you happy, right?”
“Mhmm. Let me find out there is some truth to your uncle’s babbling.” I momentarily gave her a stern look.
“No. I do not like Sabastian.” She twisted her face up immediately, letting me know she did, in fact, like Sabastian.
Kinga would blow a damn gasket because he still had beef with the tween.
Me, on the other hand, I guess I was more lax with it, because I knew my kid.
She might’ve had a little crush, but I knew her.
While Kinga immediately thought about how sneaky the little boy was because he knew how sneaky he was at that age.
I shook my head, not knowing what I was supposed to say.
“So, Daddy, are you dating Ms. Jade?” Her voice cut through my thoughts.
“What do you know about dating, Aja?”
“Daddy, answer the question. Please.”
“Yes. Now answer my question.” I placed the empty plate into the sink and crossed my arms.
“I’m not a baby, Dad. I watch TV.”
“Yeah, right. That better be all you watch.” I momentarily mugged the shit out of her while she shrugged her little shoulders. “Just promise me if you feel like you need to talk to someone about your mom, you’ll tell me, your aunt, or your uncle.”
She nodded. “I will.”
“Now, you need to get your butt in the bed because you have school in the morning.”
She nodded. “I know. I’m going to say goodnight to Ms. Jade.”
I nodded and watched her walk away. Two years had passed since everything happened, but looking at my baby made it all feel like yesterday.
I didn’t think any of it would ever go away, but I knew I couldn’t live in the past anymore.
For as long as I breathed, I’d use everything in me to make up what I took from Aja and my absence afterwards. I put my life on that.
The twins gave us a run for our money before finally lying down for the night.
Then, just as we were about to lay down, my brother called to check in and let us know his junior had indeed made his entrance into the world, raising nothing but hell in doing so.
He and I talked for a while longer before ultimately hanging up.
“Do you want more kids at any point?”
“Of course I do, just with the woman I intend to spend the rest of my life with. Not just a couple good years then an unfortunate end.”
“Is that what happened with you and Aja’s mother?”
“Yeah. But after way more soul searching than I ever knew to be possible, I wondered if it was just good to me because I was blinded by my own need to give and be loved. Shit, I questioned if Ashley ever loved me or was it always what I could provide and do for her?”
I felt her looking up at me. “Regardless of where her love came from, you know where yours came from, right? It came from here.” She pointed to my chest. “So, no matter what type of unfortunate ending it was, you know you were genuine from the start. Your love was pure.”
“How do you know that?” I found myself asking.
“Because I’m experiencing you for myself through my own eyes.
You’re genuine, and everything you do is rooted, not some facade.
And before you ask me how I know that; it’s because people can’t keep up facades.
At some point they falter, even if only for a few seconds.
Nobody is perfect, so no I’m not na?ve enough to think you are, but to me you’re pretty damn close.
” Then she yawned and kissed my bare chest.
The feel of her in my arms and what felt like affirmations coming from her lips was how we fell asleep.
The next morning, I was awakened by my daughter knocking at the door, telling me she was late for school.
After an executive decision, I decided she would miss today.
I let Jade sleep in and went to make breakfast for the twins and Aja.
Kinga messaged me, letting me know Harlem’s brother would be picking the twins up to take them to his mother for the weekend.
That was cool too, but then I realized these motherfuckers had about five dogs.
He assured me that the dog nanny would be here soon.
Aja took the lead in doing that, and in these moments, I saw just how much my child had grown up. Not only that, but she idolized her auntie enough to not only care for her dogs the way she would, but to also show me what and how I was supposed to do things.
Life had a way of showing you just how much time you missed.
“Daddy, what are we doing today?” Aja asked as Jade dressed in the guestroom. She needed to go to her shop and I needed to be at the restaurant. Today was my day to cook. After the last eight hours of my life, I was grateful I had thought ahead days ago, prepping for tonight’s meal.
“Since you missed school, you’re gonna be with me. I’m at the restaurant today.” Her face let me know in the door she wasn’t for that at all, but she had no choice.
“Dad, the restaurant is boring. What is Ms. Jade doing? Can I go with her?” she asked just as Jade entered the kitchen. She was so focused on smoothing her dress that she didn’t realize what she had walked into.
“Good morning, Aja.” She smiled warmly at my child.
“Hi, Ms. Jade. Can I go with you today? I don’t want to go to the restaurant with my daddy. It’s always loud and boring. Pleaseeee!” Aja clasped her hands together in front of her face, begging.
“Yeah. I don’t think I’m gonna be any more fun though. I’m going to the nail salon and then to my shop. I’m sure we can find some fun in that, if it’s okay with your father.” Jade’s eyes found mine before turning to doctor up the coffee I’d made for her.
“Yay! I can get my nails done, right Daddy?”
I nodded. “You’re with me for the next few days anyways. Go get your stuff together and let me talk to Jade for a minute.”
She was out of the kitchen in no time, leaving me to make sure Jade was good with taking her or if she was just saying yes because Aja was in the room and she didn’t want to be mean.
I kissed her shoulder. “Are you sure or…”
“Yes, I’m sure. I wouldn’t have said yes if I wasn’t sure, Oden.
She’s fine and I have experience with children.
I do have three nephews and one on the way.
We’ll be fine. We’re only going from here to the nail salon in the mall where my shop is.
Maybe some shopping, then to the shop and your condo. An extremely boring day.”
“Nah, not really. But let me know what you want to eat.”
“Mhmm. Whatever you’re feeding me.”
About an hour and a half later we parted ways, me heading to the restaurant to handle business and the ladies going about their business.
I was grateful to Jade for taking Aja with her today because I knew for a fact she would have gotten here and been bored in my office after an hour.
So she would have ended up in the kitchen with me.
I loved my child, but I had a hard time not feeling guilty around her, not feeling like I was the reason her life had changed.
I had to be the reason it changed again, but this time for the last time.
Uprooting my child wasn’t on my list of things to do, but making sure she was loved and happy in every position was.
If I had to spend the rest of my life making sure Aja was good, then I’d do just that, regardless of my own mental state.
When I made it to the restaurant, I stood out front for a moment, taking in the space.
Before everything happened, when I was a seemingly happily married man, this was where my heart was.
I worked my ass off trying to get this place up and running.
Ashley never gave a shit. As long as there was money for her to spend, she was quiet.
Then shit hit the fan, and even though this place was only fifteen minutes from what used to be my home, it felt further.
My whole life felt out of reach. I hit a bottom so much lower than rock.
I didn’t know if I was coming or going. I couldn’t center myself, no matter how hard I tried.
It wasn’t until I found myself living in a native community far north, in the most rural parts of the world.
I met an older woman. She was the healer and sight of the community.
Funnily I didn’t seek her out; she sought me out and sent word for me to come see her.
“You come here with great pain, running from a life that didn’t suit you.”
I just looked at her for a moment before my eyes scanned the room.
There were many jars of herbs surrounding us on shelves.
At the table she occupied was a white bowl of water and potatoes.
In her hand was a knife and a potato that she was in the middle of skinning when I walked through the open door.
“Do I speak the truth?”
“Not running. Looking for direction.”
“Same difference. But until you find some sort of peace within the shell you occupy, you’ll be running your whole life. This will be just a stop.”
“What if I don’t know peace because I don’t know myself?”
“Then that’s the easy part. These sticks are a good place to find yourself as long as your heart is open to looking. Open your heart and your mind, you’ll find the self you didn’t know you were missing.”
“Um, hello. Are you gonna stand out here and gawk at the place or get in there and get to work, chef?” Kie’s voice broke my flashback.
Shaking my head, I moved to the back seat of my truck and opened the door to grab my backpack. When I had it on my back, I locked the truck and stalked toward the front door where Kie still stood.
“Are you good today?” she asked, her hazel eyes searching mine for any indication that I wasn’t.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?”
“You were standing out there staring at the building for a little while. I just want to make sure you’re fine.”
I nodded. “I’m good, sis, I promise. I was just having a nostalgic moment.”
“Good, because everything good happening here is because of you and that spice you brought when you came home. Now, to change the subject, the sample knives are here for you to test out tonight. Of course, I know which ones I like but I’m not the chef, so yeah.
We thought why not let you try them tonight. ”
I nodded as we moved through the empty, dimly lit space toward my office.
She talked for a little longer ,giving me a rundown of things I needed to know but wouldn’t remember while I prepared to move into the kitchen area to prepare for the evening.
Before long it was just me and an early Jeezy album playing through the speakers of my Alexa in the corner.
When I was in the kitchen, everything else ceased and the only thing that had my attention was the dish at hand and what was in front of me. Even when Kie or Lo came in talking to me, I would unintentionally tune them out.
I was hours into my shift when Kie came into the kitchen letting me know we had doubled our goal for the evening.
That was her cue to get me to come out onto the main floor, which I did as normal.
This time was different though. As soon as I stepped out onto the floor, I locked eyes with a set I swore I was familiar with.
I wasn’t though, but from the looks of the old man, we had to know one another.
At first glance, I saw Sora. He looked like an older version of him, hence also bearing some features of Kinga.
I must’ve looked familiar to him as well because he looked like he had seen a ghost. What the fuck?