Chapter 4 #2
“What on earth are you doing all the way up here?” I ask, shaking my head and laughing out loud as I realize I am talking to a horse.
She saunters right over to me and lowers her head, giving my shoulder a nudge with her nose.
I tentatively reach out to give her a little scratch but as she huffs a big breath on my hand, I pull away.
I have had an irrational fear of horses for as long as I can remember.
I used to have nightmares about falling off the back of one when I was first staying with Delia and Hunt but they didn’t know anything of my past, other than that I had been found in the woods by some hikers with no other people in sight.
I was nearly hypothermic and couldn’t remember much myself.
The search for my parents went on for a few years but nothing ever came of it.
“You’re the biggest horse I’ve seen. It makes no sense for you to be up here.
” I feel silly talking to a horse, and push back up onto my feet, taking a big step away.
The bruise already forming on my tailbone smarts a bit as I stand hesitatingly.
I can now fully see how truly massive the horse is, at least seven feet to my five seven.
She is stunning, with her pristine white, shining coat, long wavy mane and fluffy fur around her ankles.
It wouldn’t shock me if she’d have had a horn in the centre of her head because she looks as though she came straight out of a fairytale.
The majestic mare takes a few steps towards me and lowers herself down onto her knees. I believe I understand what she wants when she starts flipping her nose towards her back.
“No way, I am not getting on your back! Look, you’re very beautiful and I am sure someone is missing you but I am not that person and I am on a mission so…
shoo…” I wave my hands at her, she looks up to me with bashful eyes.
I just shake my head and step around her to begin my search for some signs of my trail.
I can hear her get up behind me and a moment later she is stamping her feet in my path.
“Hey! I’m trying to locate some tracks so I can find my sister and your bloody stomping around is not going to help.
Shoo!” I’m trying to push past her, giving her a little shove on her side, but as my hands meet her coat a vision strikes me.
A vision of a big, white horse and a little girl with green eyes, like mine, playing in a stream.
The girl is giggling and the horse is splashing her with its hooves.
The vision blurs then I am suddenly on the back of the horse and she is in full gallop, crashing through the forest, a wave of gut wrenching terror washes over me.
Next, I am lying on the bank of a big river, shivering in front of a fire.
The white horse is peering out from behind a bush on the far side of the river bank before the vision clears and I am snapped back into the present moment.
I know you, I stand in awe as I look into her big black eyes.
My name is Durga. I am here to protect you. You must return to the humans. I hear a deep, yet feminine voice reply in my mind. I take a step back, washing my hands over my eyes.
I truly am going crazy now. I turn away and start running uphill, I hope, in the right direction.
She keeps up to me easily but doesn’t try and get in my way again.
My body is starting to tire from the long stretch of uphill climbing and the lack of food and water when finally, mercifully, the hill starts to level out.
As I reach its crest I am met with the gurgling sound of a big river.
I can just make out the bank at the bottom of the hill and begin my search around the forest floor again to see if I can see any tracks.
I pick up a trail a bit more north to where I had been walking and I follow it down to the river’s edge.
When I look up, the scene from my vision flashes into my mind and I know I have been here before.
The horse stops beside me and gives me a look as if to say, I told you so, and as our eyes meet I can hear her saying, Nuria, you must return to the humans.
It is not safe for you to venture any further.
You know my name? I question, realizing that she can actually hear me and I can hear her.
All those times I thought I could hear other people’s thoughts… They were real. I feel as though a veil has been lifted but I am met with confusion and fear rather than clarity. All those hateful comments from the council luncheon, all the judgement… it was all real…
Durga blinks her long dark lashes at me, yes my childling, I have known you since birth. I made a promise to your mother to keep you safe.
You knew my mother? The shock of this does not stop me from the next question that tumbles out of me – Why did she leave me? A deep pain that I thought I had mastered long ago, bubbles up.
She did not mean to, dear one. She died trying to save you. Now please, I implore you to turn around and return to safety! Durga says as she nudges me with her nose, urging me to take a step back.
Why is it not safe? I must go on; I have to save Marissa, I push back.
It’s a long tale my dear. Please put your trust in me. Your sister is lost to you, return from whence you came. Durga pleads.
“No! I don’t have time for this! My mother abandoned me and I will not do the same to my sister!
” I side step Durga and search the bank for an easy crossing, wiping at the tears that escaped with my trembling hand.
I shove down the good old abandonment wound; there is no time for this right now, and I am well versed in ignoring it.
The current looks pretty strong but there hasn’t been any substantial rain in weeks, so the water level should be quite low.
Should be... I find a spot with some big rocks poking out of the middle of the river and hope that means it’s shallow at this spot and start wading in, if only to get away from this bloody horse.
The shockingly cold water makes me suck in a breath as it quickly rises up my legs.
I’m not yet half way across when the water starts to reach my waist, I can feel the current yank at my balance every time I lift my foot to take a step.
The rocks are slippery and uneven so I have to feel around with my toes before placing any weight on my newly placed foot with each step.
My pace slows exponentially when I reach the first big rock jutting out, I grab on, taking a moment to centre myself.
The water is just above my belly button and I fear there may be another drop in depth up ahead, but the shore seems so close so I push on.
When I leave the safety of the last rock I step out and feel my foot slip out from under me and I flail out both arms, still wielding my dad’s sword in one hand, as I feel the other foot slip away too.
No, no, no! A memory of gasping for air and a chill that permeated my bones flashes before my eyes.
I have been here before… Durga, help!
I get dunked under the water for a moment before something bites down hard on my arm and yanks me up.
I scream at the agony of my skin tearing.
Durga is the one pulling me up onto my feet.
She drags me back to the rocks in the middle of the river and lets me scramble on top of one as she loosens her bite.
“Aah my arm!” I moan. I can barely stand looking down at the torn flesh. I don’t see my bone, thankfully, but she may have bitten through the muscle because it is hard to move my fingers.
At least you didn’t bite my sword arm; I give her now red stained mouth a wary glance.
Climb on my back and I’ll get you back on the shore. Durga turns to line her back up with the rock facing in the direction I had already come from.
“No way, I am going that way with or without you,” I say, pointing my sword to the opposite bank and making moves to hop off the rock.
Durga huffs a big sigh and turns around so she is now facing the way I want to go, still within reach for me to get onto her back.
I know this is my best chance at survival so I shove down my fear of being on a horse and I awkwardly fling myself sideways across her back with my head and legs dangling off her sides.
With my now useless left arm and my right arm holding the sword I can’t really get myself properly seated.
“Just go!” I yell so she doesn’t wait for me to try to sit up.
She lurches forward, pushing her big body against the current.
I notice I’m staining her immaculate coat red where my arm dangles and worry about how much blood I’m losing.
I’ll have to find something to bandage this, I think as we are nearing the opposite bank.
My vision starts to go blurry as Durga steps up onto the rocky shore.
“Durga, I’m losing too much blood. I think you hit a vein or something,” I groan, not really knowing my anatomy very well but knowing enough to judge that the rapidly growing red stain now trickling down Durga’s leg is a bad sign.
She doesn’t stop to let me down and picks up the pace instead, racing through the undulating hills at a gentle trot so she doesn’t accidentally fling me off her back.
“Where are you taking me?” I try to protest but the throbbing pain in my arm (and my darned logic) is keeping me from trying to jump off a rapidly moving, seven foot tall horse.
“Wait, stop for a second! I’m slipping off!
” I call out and she slows to a walk, but doesn’t fully stop.
I place the blade of the sword in between my teeth and reach my right arm around to yank on her mane as I swing my right leg up and over, hauling myself into a seat.
I take the blade from my teeth and let myself slump forward onto her neck, a wave of dizziness really grabbing hold of me now.
I don’t know if I trust this horse but I don’t think I would make it very far on my own at this point so I let her guide the way.
Although, what could possibly be up here to save me – I do not know. Shit, this is bad…
We ride on like this for what feels like a long time, weaving through a forest of massive trees that I notice have started to change again.
I swear I just saw a copse of birch and aspen, and the big jagged trunk of a douglas fir.
These trees shouldn’t be growing at this altitude, I ponder, making a mental note; my botanist’s intrigue is piqued even though I feel like I may pass out.
Not the most useful information when you’re bleeding profusely.
The wind rushing against my wet clothes makes my teeth chatter and the throb in my arm turns into a steady ache as I feel my whole body going cold.
I get a shock of deja vu about this very same ride through this very same forest and a wave of nausea hits – I lean over to throw up the bile of my empty stomach, barely missing Durga’s now blood spattered shoulder.
Horseback riding, plus searing pain, plus no breakfast equals a very upset stomach, my head is spinning.
“Durga, I need water, please we have to stop,” I say weakly, leaning forward to speak in her big ears.
She slows her speed as we pass a big blackberry bush with a few big juicy berries still holding on, untouched by the birds.
My stomach gurgles so audibly that I’m sure Durga can hear it as she abruptly stops on the other side of the bush and kneels down so I can slide off.
I look into her big black eyes, with their long soft eyelashes, and can hear her say, stay here and eat something, I will be back shortly, before getting up and trotting away, leaving me alone.
The realization that she hasn’t been able to communicate with me this whole time because I have not been looking into her eyes dawns on me.
I wonder to myself if that is how the channel of communication is opened but before I can ponder on that further I find myself distracted by the very real hunger that is flipping my stomach over and the awful taste in my mouth so I grab a few blackberries to eat.
The sweet, juicy blackberries are a momentary reprieve from the throb of my arm; the sugars from the fruit seem to revive me enough for me to become even more aware of the dire situation I have gotten myself into.
My arm is ripped open, but thankfully has stopped gushing, my feet are wrecked, my clothes are all wet, I’ve lost the trail of my sister and I have no idea where I am.
A deep panic starts to build in my chest. My heart quickens and my breath comes in shallow bursts.
Is this what a panic attack feels like? I recall seeing Mom coach Marissa through these when she was younger.
When she first entered middle school she was having them every week and sometimes they really scared me.
I thought she was going to suffocate as she would stare blankly ahead and just gasp for air.
Mom would tell her to say one thing she could see, one thing she could hear, one thing she could touch and one thing she could smell and it would almost always work to settle her heart down.
So, in this moment, I try to do the same.
“Ok, ok, ok, I can feel the sword in my hand,” I say out loud, the sound of my own voice a comfort as I try to take in a normal breath, clenching the sword, the firm, cool metal grounding me.
“I can hear a creek nearby… I can smell cedar trees… I can see… I see… boulders rolling towards me?!” I drop my sword to rub my hand over my eyes, not believing what I’m seeing but there are, in fact, boulders rolling straight at me!
The next moment, Durga bursts out of the bush on the far side of the meadow that lies in front of me and I see even more boulders rolling in after her. I jump up onto my feet wondering if I should run, when a big moss covered boulder uncurls and springs up onto two feet, right in front of me.
“Hello poppet! Don’t fear, Granny Mog is here!” the big moss haired, bespectacled rock exclaims. I scream and my head spins and my vision goes dark. It feels like my feet are swept out from under me and I hit the ground.