Chapter 42 Gianna
FORTY-TWO
GIANNA
Gianna’s hands were ice cold, and she felt like she could throw up at any minute. Breakfast that morning had been off the table, so she stuck to small sips of water the entire drive. They were almost there and neither she nor Allister had said much to each other.
There never was much to say.
The neighborhoods they drove through now didn’t bring up any comforting nostalgia like it used to.
Still, Gianna could appreciate seeing kids playing outside and people taking walks.
A stark difference to the city life, this was so much slower moving, which was perfect for their father.
He still did some business for the Vitali family, but after Cesare’s untimely demise, he took a step back.
It wasn’t a retirement per say, but he spent a lot more time playing tennis and hanging out with friends at country clubs now than he used to.
Seriously, Gianna loved that life for him.
Her father had always been a good man and a constant in her life.
He tried his best with having a daughter, but through the years there were things that he just didn’t know how to handle.
She didn’t fault him for it, but he never remarried or dated—that she knew of—so she never really had another motherly figure to go to about things.
When she got her first period or was experimenting with makeup, she had to rely on the girls and their moms—Blair’s and Cecilia’s to be exact.
Federico Moretti was much closer to Allister and naturally so—that was his heir.
Still, it left Gianna feeling a little bit empty when she saw that they were able to bond closer than she could with her father.
When they talked about business and law, she couldn’t relate to it no matter how much they tried to include her in it.
She leaned her head against the window. Today was never-ending.
The familiar trees and landscape told her they were there before anything else did. Her father had always been so particular about having his bushes perfectly trimmed and the grass mowed all the same length.
They passed the gate and immediately her anxiety only got worse.
She hadn’t had a breakdown since that night after the club when Finn luckily stopped it, but it seemed like one might have been on the horizon.
She took deep breaths, reminding herself that Finn was a call away.
She could always leave; she didn’t have to stay. She had the power.
There was no other car there, meaning that it was just her dad inside. That managed to relax her nerves slightly. They got out of the car and walked to the front door. It was thrown open by her father before they could even knock. He had a large smile on his face despite everything.
Gianna couldn’t remember the last time she had seen him.
It had to have been a couple of months at least, but it had been a busy time.
Federico had gray hair now and more wrinkles than she could remember.
He was a tall man with a lean build, similar to Allister’s.
However, his bright blue eyes were nearly identical to Gianna’s.
A lot of times she got told that she looked like her father, which in retrospect she never really took lightly, but he wasn’t an ugly man, so maybe it could have been a compliment.
“There you are,” he said, throwing his arms open. He embraced Allister first, giving him a long hug before moving to Gianna and doing the same. “I have some snacks and drinks set up. I wasn’t sure how hungry you guys were going to be from the drive.”
“I could definitely eat,” Allister said.
“Wish I felt the same,” she muttered, entering the house.
It was the same as it had been her entire life.
A two-story colonial revival home with light blue walls and marble flooring.
There were pictures of them from childhood hung up throughout the house and it did bring up good memories.
The living room, where they would be for the day, had two big navy couches and then two cream-colored armchairs all set up in a rectangular fashion with a coffee table in the center.
It gave enough space for seating, so no one was forced beside anyone they didn’t want to be next to.
The table, like every year, was covered in an assortment of foods and drinks: sandwiches, cheeses, crackers, veggies, fruits, dips, juices, teas.
It was overwhelming how much food was prepared for such a short visit, but this was how her father seemed to cope with it.
Besides, they never had anyone else at the house during the visits, meaning the cooks and staff always had the day off.
It was exclusively between the four of them.
Gianna took a seat on the couch, immediately reaching for one of the pitchers of tea and pouring some for herself. Hopefully there were calming elements in it and not caffeine. The last thing she needed was any sort of buzz.
Allister sat on the couch beside her, and her father took one of the cream armchairs, staring at the two of them with a big smile. “So, how has the semester been? It’s almost over, right?”
Allister nodded. “It’s been good. Finals are next week. I’m top of my class so I’m not worried.”
Of course he was. He was a genius. A poster child for all parents.
“What about you, Gianna?”
She shrugged. “I’ve already finished some of my classes, but I’m not worried about finals. I’m mostly worried about the recital I have in a couple weeks.”
“What is there to be worried about? You’re an amazing dancer,” her father said, grabbing some grapes off the table.
“There was one move I kept messing up, but I think I finally got it down. You’re still coming to the recital, right?”
“Of course I’ll be there. I hope you’re saving me a spot in the front row.”
Her heart swelled at his words. He had never been one to miss any of their events throughout the years and it mattered.
Allister snorted. “Maybe she can save you a spot next to her boyfriend instead.”
Gianna’s eyes flew open. She looked at Allister and then at her father, who stared at her with an eerily calm look on his face. He didn’t say anything for a moment, just blinked and stared. God, she was going to kill Allister.
“What boyfriend?” her father finally said.
She cleared her throat, wiping her now sweaty hands on her dress. “His name is Finn. We just started dating recently.”
“Finn? Why does that name sound so familiar?”
“Probably because you’re thinking of Finn Kingsley, which is exactly who it is,” Allister said. “She has fallen in love with a Kingsley.”
Her father ran a hand down his face, muttering something under his breath. He looked at Gianna with a desperate look. “A Kingsley? Gianna, there are so many men in this world, and you choose Finn Kingsley?”
She frowned. “He’s a really great person and he treats me amazingly. He actually wanted to be here today to support me, but I didn’t let him because it’s a family thing.”
Her father turned back to Allister. “You know this boy?”
“Somewhat. I’m getting to know him better. I did all the standard threatening the other night to keep him in his place,” Allister said.
Gianna fought the urge to roll her eyes. That threat didn’t really do anything, but she didn’t mention that. If this would get them off her ass about it for now, she would let them think whatever they wanted.
“Good. I still want to meet him outside of the recital. Once we handle all this here, we’ll set up a date for you two to come down,” he said.
She nodded her head. “Perfect. Just keep an open mind.”
As long as he was willing to meet Finn, she could work with it. It was going to be awkward no doubt when they did run into each other, but her father would learn to love him just like she did.
The knock on the front door stopped all conversations in the living room. Immediately, Gianna could feel the goosebumps coating her skin, the internal dread settling inside of her all over again.
Federico stood up, moving in a haste to open the door.
She attempted to take deep breaths to calm her rapidly beating heart, but there was no use.
She turned to Allister, who seemed to have the same look on his face.
He had always been much better about hiding it, but not now.
Not when the moment was here and there was nowhere to go.
The sound of high heels followed her father’s footsteps into the living room. She had red lipstick painted on, her blonde hair pulled into an updo, and she wore a black dress that looked more suitable for a funeral than it did for anything else.
But that was her mother.
That was Giulia Moretti. The last name she kept despite not keeping the family associated with it, but it gave her access to things that she wasn’t ready to let go of.
She smiled wide, holding her arms out as if she wanted a hug from them. “Wow, look at you both.”
Gianna didn’t move a muscle, and she was happy to see that Allister didn’t either. Giulia dropped her arms awkwardly, clearing her throat. Her father returned to his seat from before, forcing her into the other armchair. Unfortunately, it happened to be directly across from Gianna.
“How have you both been? You look so much older,” Giulia said, attempting to keep the conversation going.
Allister spoke up. “We’re fine. Still in school; still doing everything we’ve done before.”
That was how they kept it. Generic and vague. Never giving details about where they went to school, lived, or anything really—but then again, she never asked. She was just as fine with the answers as they were giving them.
She turned to Gianna. “You seem to get much more beautiful every time I see you.”
“Thanks.” It wasn’t a compliment she wanted to accept. Not in the slightest, but she tried her best to keep it pleasant. The entire situation made her skin crawl still, no matter how much she tried to not let it.
In the past, the conversation used to be livelier, but they were also children who were desperate to fill their mother in on every single detail she had missed in an attempt to get her home.
Over the years, the visits got shorter and shorter.
They had nothing to share with the woman who wanted nothing to do with them.
Those memories were sacred and reserved for the people in their lives who loved them and wanted to be there for them.
“You’re here earlier than usual,” her father said, crossing his legs. “Usually, you make your visits in the winter.”
Giulia shifted in her seat. “Well, truthfully, I felt a calling to come see you guys again. I was in this beautiful little town in Croatia when this family walked by me. It looked just like us and I thought about the good times we had. Immediately, I called you up and made plans to come down. I want us to be a family again, like we were once before.”
Gianna was sure her heart stopped. This was exactly what she had always dreamed about. This moment right here. Her mother wanted to come back and be a family. She should have been overjoyed; she should have been jumping on the couch screaming with glee.
But instead, all she felt was doubt and suspicion. It was difficult to believe a single word that left her lips when it seemed too convenient. How many families had she seen on her travels? Suddenly, this one family rang true to her?
Maybe if Gianna had been in a different place, she would have believed it, but something in her gut didn’t allow her to.
She looked over at Allister who did that thing where he narrowed his eyes and tried to figure out what Giulia’s intentions were. Judging by the way his hands were clenched at his sides, she was willing to say that he didn’t believe it either.
Federico finally spoke up when no one else did. “Respectfully, that’s not my decision to make. We are not married, and I will never be married to you again. A relationship between us will never exist. As for the relationship between you and them, that is going to be up to Gianna and Allister.”
There was a slight twitch in Giulia’s eye. “I wasn’t expecting you to marry me again. I just want my family.”
“You walked out on that years ago,” Allister said. “That family doesn’t exist.”
“We can create it again.”
“No, we can’t,” Gianna said, finally finding her voice.
“You can’t pop in and want a family when you feel like you want one.
You had one and you left it. You never apologized or took accountability, and even now you haven’t done either of those things.
You left me and Allister without a mother when we needed one the most.”
“I saw you every year.”
“Honestly, I almost wish you hadn’t.”
Giulia’s face fell. “I left because I had to. I couldn’t be a mother or a wife. I wasn’t in any condition to do either at the time.”
Allister shook his head. “That’s fine, no one faults you for that. But you kept us on a string our entire lives wondering if we would ever get our mother again. If we would get our family. We need to move on completely, and so do you.”
“What are you saying?” she asked, looking between Gianna and Allister.
Gianna took a deep breath. It seemed like it was finally the time.
She felt the courage rushing through her body, but still she was terrified.
Of what? She wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the fact that she was finally making a decision about this entire situation—one that was ultimately going to be the best for her but would hurt. Of course it would.
“I think we’re done with these visits, or at least I am. I don’t want to do them anymore. I don’t want to hurt anymore. I want to grow and move on and live without thinking about the way my life could have been.”
“I’m done with it too,” Allister said. “The future is always unexpected, but we’ll leave it at that for now.”
“Then that settles everything,” her father said, staring at Giulia.
Her face was cold. It was almost like staring at a stranger, but then again, that was exactly who she was. A stranger. Gianna didn’t know her any better than she would have known a random relative showing up to a family reunion.
Their relationship wasn’t supposed to be that way, but it was. That was the harsh truth. The one that Gianna had to face, accept, and move on with.
“I guess there’s nothing more to say then,” Giulia said.
With that, she stood and walked away without ever looking back. Not at her kids, or the husband she once had, or the house she once lived in.
She walked away and Gianna knew she would never see her again.