Chapter 29
Deja Vu
My right hand was nestled in Myron’s, while my left was in Caius’. I had to pretend that we were valenning somewhere to get my body to cooperate, though that didn’t stop me from breaking out in a cold sweat.
We were now in a full circle with everyone holding hands. On the other side of Caius was Artton, then Sidrick, his little brother, Fiora, Myron, and back to me.
“Okay, Nyleeria,” Myron started. “Take a moment to think about what you want to share with us, then wrap a bubble around the memory. Once you’re done, let me know by squeezing my hand.”
Letting out an anxious sigh, I closed my eyes and did as instructed.
I slipped into the memory instantly, my body trembling now as it had when I’d walked up the steps to the training room.
Unwilling to go deeper into the memory, I focused on placing the memory in a bubble like an oracle looking down at a glass globe.
Once the memory was fully contained, I gently squeezed my right hand letting Myron know my part was done.
His powers surrounded him before settling on me, and like it had when we first met, his magic probed, searching, questioning, only this time it didn’t intrude. The moment it found the sphere, it slowly coiled itself around it, and then… nothing.
I’d been kicked out of the vision as promised.
Relieved, I opened my eyes, finding us encased in a dome of cool spring morning mist, the marble floor now lost to it.
The thrum of power pulsed through the group, and if I concentrated hard enough, I could see microscopic threads of Myron’s lime green and golden magic weaving around us.
It was hard to reconcile the memory they were witnessing with the beauty on this side.
One moment I was lost in the radiant threads; the next, a gasped cry came from Fiora. Within a heartbeat, both High Lords clutched my hands hard enough to hurt. My eyes darted to the others whose pained expressions told me that something was wrong.
I tried to let go in hopes of freeing them from the memory, but Myron’s powers wrapped around my hands like vines as if protecting everyone from being abruptly severed from the anchor—from me.
The spark stirred as if sensing danger, but I tamped it down.
I couldn’t risk losing control with everyone in such a vulnerable state.
It was Artton who cried out this time, the sound doubling my panic. The commander was many things, but weak was not one of them.
Closing my eyes, I frantically searched for the memory. It took a few tries, but I finally found the crystal ball. The vision was obscured by Myron’s power, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t break past his barrier.
Ignoring the pain of my hands being crushed by Caius and Myron’s punishing grip, I focused on my own power source, coaxing her to help.
She obliged, slowly creeping toward the sphere covered in threads of light.
I didn’t force the spring magic to relent its death grip on the memory; I’d learned the hard way that honey was better than vinegar.
Instead, I soothed it—let it see that we were one in the same. That source has come to help.
Like a switch flipped, Myron’s powers were replaced by mine in a blink.
Reorienting to my surrounding, I instantly regretted my decision.
The scene was all too familiar, and one I’d relived again and again. Only this time, it was different. I wasn’t in my body; I was watching it from a bird’s-eye view. From Myron’s perspective.
Instantly, I realized that the memory had glitched, as if caught in an infinite loop from the exact moment Thaddeus had begun to take everything.
It started with my feet dangling almost a foot off the ground, my back arched, my mouth agape in silent agony. And while that sight was disturbing enough, what made my stomach churn was how it played on a five-second loop, over and over and over.
My feet start on the ground. Thaddeus pulls for more. My body contorts, back arches, and then just before the me in the memory is about to arch in agony, someone else takes my place.
First, it was Sidrick who took my place, then sweet, innocent Kaelun. I tried to turn away knowing what came next, but I couldn’t, and the instant I heard it, I knew I could live ten thousand years, and I’d never forget the way Fiora screamed.
I needed to get them out of this hell-loop, and fast.
I tried everything I could think of, to no avail, as I watched the vision claim their agony—their screams anything but silent as it rotated through each of them two more times before I began feeling a sense of panicked desperation.
Forcing my focus past the deafening sounds vying for my sanity, I steadied my breaths and called on the Mother for her guidance.
I’ll never know if it was her who gave me the horrible idea that came to mind, or if I’d conjured it all on my own, but I somehow knew what I had to do—and fuck me I wished there was a better option.
When I’d offered up the memory to Myron, I’d separated myself from it by the sphere as he’d told me, but for some reason it was as if it needed an active participant, and because I’d failed to offer myself, it’d taken whomever it could—only it clearly wasn’t satisfied with the substitutes.
“Fuck, this is really going to suck,” I murmured, and as if the others could hear me, I felt their focus shift in my direction.
Doing my best to ignore everything else, I focused inward and began playing the memory in my mind’s eye like I’d done before offering it to Myron.
I conjured every detail of that day. The soft substrate of the training ground on my forehead as I prayed. The vibrations of Tarrin’s footsteps. The timbre of his deep voice filled with concern, urging me to reconsider. How detached I’d been.
I wasn’t sure when it happened, but eventually I’d claimed my rightful place, back arching in searing pain.
The others were still there, their raw emotions layered atop the horrors of that day. To my immense relief, the loop broke, pushing the memory forward until Tarrin and I were on the beach.
I sighed in relief knowing the worst of it was over. The last segment I’d chosen to share came into focus, and I’d be lying if I claimed the raw cut of betrayal was lessened as Thaddeus’ mirage admitted to murdering my parents a second time through.
As the memory faded to black, a great sense of relief washed over me knowing that any second we’d find ourselves back in the ballroom. Safe and far—far—away from the horrors we’d just witnessed.
Only, safety never came. For any of us.
Everyone watched as I was forced to relive the aftermath again.
The beach Tarrin and I had found refuge in came into focus, before the memory played out in full.
The pain. The awkwardness when he’d washed me off.
And most horrifying, Tarrin explaining the twisted link he shared with Thaddeus and Nevander.
Every. Last. Detail on display for all to see.
I was splayed bare in the Summer Court, Thaddeus pulling pleasure from me.
My grandparents claiming me cursed.
A gut-wrenching goodbye to Mrs. E.
Countless memories were shared. Some flashes, some full-on. I tried to stop it. To protect myself from being laid bare for all to see. But the harder I tried, the more invasive the visions became.
The first time I’d used magic as a human, and how it had almost claimed me.
The pain of the first time Thaddeus and I shared magic. The fear. Tarrin’s and my conversation.
Then, in a cruel twist of fate, I found myself back in the training room, utterly alone.
The others had been freed, while I had been left behind, caught in my own personal hell-loop.
It started the same every time, my head on that damn floor.
Sometimes it replayed in slow motion. Sometimes in a blink. But it never stopped.
I wasn’t in control of my body in the vision, but that didn’t stop me from mentally screaming for Myron to save me. For anyone to make it stop.
After a time, I gave up knowing no one would come. I did my best to disassociate, only every time I’d fall into blissful numbness, the relived pain when Thaddeus pulled from me brought everything back into focus.
Every. Single. Time.